I haven’t been writing much lately. I admit that life threw me some curveballs
and I didn’t do well with catching them, hitting them or even sloppily juggling
them. I dropped balls left and right as
I scrambled to emotionally handle what was.
In July, my mother-in-law began her final journey home to
Jesus. We left our camping trip early
allowing my husband to get things lined up so he could leave to be with his
mom. He left and I proceeded to cancel
our up-coming vacation to the coast so that we could celebrate her life.
In late August, we received word that my mom was diagnosed with
colon cancer. Though she was in her
nineties, chemo was scheduled to help slow the cancer’s progression and hold
off long-term pain. I spoke to my boss,
received extended time off and flew to be with my mother the day before my
husband’s birthday. I spent 7 weeks away
from home caring for my mom while my husband fended for himself.
By the second round of chemo, side-effects began to happen to my
mother and serious questions about her long-term care needed to be
answered. My sister and I made the
heart-wrenching decision to move my mom into an assisted living before my
return home date. My brother came and
helped with the packing as we all grieved the change in my mom’s life.
We moved my mom and I flew home.
Three weeks later I was back on a plane hoping to see her one last time
before she died. I didn’t make it. Whereas we were grateful my mom’s passing
came without extended pain, facing the reality that she was truly gone has been
hard.
When we communicate and formulate sentences we often use the word
‘but,’ such as: I want to buy a new car but it would be too expensive. Using the word ‘but’ invalidates the first
part of the sentence and creates a feeling that it is less significant than the
second part of the sentence. Sometimes
that is what we intend to say. Many
times, both phrases hold equal weight, so the word ‘and’ should be used. The truth is two or more seemingly opposing
things can be true at the same time. It
may be that buying a new car is too expensive for me, and that doesn’t lessen
my desire for a sweet shiny red convertible.
God reminded me of a variety of truths using the simple word
“and.” I can be grief-stricken AND God
is Yahweh Shalom. He is my peace. I may
feel very alone AND God is Emmanuel. He
is always with me. I may feel
overwhelmed with the tasks I need to accomplish AND God is my provider and my
strength. I may feel crushed from the weight
of decisions to be made AND God is the God of all wisdom. I may feel guilt over choices that had to be
AND God is the God of comfort.
My word for 2021 is the word AND.
I am seeking to see the full truth of what I experience even in the day
to day. I am choosing to see how God is
showing up. I am determined to be
truthful with myself about the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult. I am realizing that authentic life is found in
the AND. It’s in the AND I’m discovering
the truth of who God is as He meets me as I truly am. Twenty-twenty-one has not begun as a banner
year AND God is already faithfully pouring out His love and grace into my
life.
“Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by
faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done
for us. Because of our faith, Christ has
brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they
help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of
character, and character strengthens
our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to
disappointment. For we know how dearly
God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with
his love.” Romans 5:1-5 NLT
