Seeking Jesus

I fell apart several days ago. I became completely overwhelmed and couldn't see how I was going to manage everything I thought needed to be done.  It came over me suddenly and, to be honest, it caught me off guard.  My guess is it caught my sweet husband off guard as well!  In the space of a couple of hours, doing something that took longer than expected, I lost rational perspective.  My husband (bless his heart) tried to be supportive and helpful.  I did my best to explain my fears.  He did his best to offer suggestions that could eliminate some of my stress.  I didn't feel as if he had heard me when I was rambling through my emotional explanation and in a split second I was beaten by my own anxiety, submerged in a mixture of confusion and disillusionment.  I said I couldn't take any more and I went to bed.  I can still feel him watching me as I walked away; his face etched with shock and bewilderment. 

A part of me wants to explain the whole scenario to you.  I want to convince you that my pain and frustration were understandable.  I want you to comment and affirm that my emotional upheaval was justifiable.  I want to be right in my wrong-ness. 

I wouldn't have always said that my behavior on that night was wrong; I can rationalize with the best of them.  God has been teaching me differently.  Feeling overwhelmed was not a moral issue; experiencing stress was not a sin.  And, also true, my behavior wasn't godly. 

Just the preceding week I had spent time In God's Word leaning how I was to rejoice while experiencing tough circumstances (Romans 5:3-8); set my hope on God and that God provides me with all things to enjoy (1 Tim 6:17-19); set my hope on grace and be holy because Jesus is holy (1 Peter 1:13-16); Draw near to God, hold onto hope, remember that God is faithful and we are to encourage one another (Hebrews 10:22-25).  Each passage strongly emphasized how I was to focus on God and do what is needed to get as close to Him as I can.  He provides all I need regardless of what is going on.  He alone has saved me from the worst possible circumstance ever: being separated from my Creator, The One who loves me most.  He is faithful, all-powerful, and the giver of all that is good.  I had spent time looking up the different ways grace is given to me in different forms, and the various characteristics of God's grace.  It is sufficient; it is enough.  God gives grace in abundance.  It helps me in my times of need.  God's grace trains me to renounce ungodliness, to be self-controlled, upright and godly.  Grace helps me wait for hope.  It strengthens me and brings me near to God. Grace has given me Jesus, who is my peace.  I stand in grace. That's so much grace that I don't just hold it like a bouquet of flowers. I stand in it as if I were standing out in a field of wildflowers by the acre.

God had given me, through His Word, what I needed to face my moment of stress in a godly manner.  He provided the truth of who He is and what He offers me so that I could choose to come to Him.  God was waiting for me that evening to stop in the midst of my tirade and talk to Him. He was standing by, eager for me to pour out all my concerns and worries and disappointments and stresses.  He was patiently lingering, hoping I'd remember what I'd been taught, and humble myself at His feet, offering Him the opportunity to show up for me in a powerful way.  I prayed, but I didn't seek Him.  I didn't even think about grace and how good God is to me.  I just wanted God to swoop in and fix things superman style and pronounce, "it's all good now!"

Colossians 3:1-4 reminds us that we are to seek things from above.  In fact the passage even says that I'm to "set my mind" on those same things. That requires me to choose to think about those things with a choice of my will, determination and commitment.  I'm to let my sinful self die; it's not to have any life whatsoever.  It doesn't get the opportunity to put forth it's opinion, to advocate for me to push for what I want.  It doesn't get a voice at all.  It is to be utterly extinguished.  Instead, I'm to find myself looking for Christ, focusing on Him and the new creation life He offers me. 

Seeking is not a one and done thing.  Seeking Jesus means I'm always looking for His grace, His wisdom, His strength, and His leading.   I seek Him when things are going well so that I stay on the path He's chosen for me.  And I stop whatever I'm doing when things begin to fall apart to pray with deep humility, seeking not an answer to my dilemma, but Christ Himself.  I missed that step the other night and I found myself being unable to handle the emotional weight of my own choices and behavior. 

God is faithful.  God is rich in mercy.  His grace saves me and brings me close to Him, reconciling me with the Father.  I am to seek Him.  Jennie Allen, in her book Get Out of Your Head, says, "When our thoughts are consumed with ourselves, we forget how very much we need Jesus." 

I'm not stressed today, nor overwhelmed.  I'm relaxed and thinking positively.  And I still am in desperate need of Jesus.  I am determining to seek Christ, choosing to set my mind on things that will please Him. And if at some point in my day I find myself at a junction, I'm coming back and reading this.  I want to be reminded of the lessons God teaches me, how He is calling me to be hidden in Him completely.  I'm setting my mind today to "feast on all the treasures of the heavenly realm and fill [my] thoughts with heavenly realities, and not with the distractions of the natural realm." (Colossians 3:2, The Passion Translation)  What's your mind set on?

Keep Rejoicing

I glanced at my June calendar the other morning and I was surprised.  It was basically filled with my work schedule and that's about it.  It didn't have the appearance of my typical June calendar.  There were no identifiers of fun evenings with friends, or lazy summer afternoon coffee with the girls.  There were no vacation markings or date night love notations.  It's Summer 2020.  And it's weird. 

Things are especially weird right now in our home. My husband had a meeting last week.  That's normal; he has many meetings.  One of the people he met with called him with the information that they had been in extensive contact with someone over the preceding weekend who  was now diagnosed with Covid-19.  Until we find out if the person he met with is infected, he's living in the trailer so that there is no risk to  me.  It's not awful. It's not fun.  It's strange and awkward.  He has food in the trailer for breakfast, lunch and snacks. I still make dinner and place it either on the deck table or on the freezer in the garage.  We face time while we dine. He doesn't have any symptoms so he's still doing his job, just from the trailer.  I go to work as I am scheduled and do the same things I normally do from home.  And it's bizarre and slightly unsettling.  It's not what we would ever choose.

I thought about our circumstance when I recently read Romans 5:1-6.  Verse 3 says, ". . .we also rejoice in our afflictions. . ."  I wouldn't say I am afflicted, that sounds so serious and terrible.   I admit I tend to interpret this verse as I am supposed to be happy about whatever stinks in my life.  Rejoice after all means to be glad, to take delight, to make joyful, according to the dictionary. When I hear the word rejoice I associate it with celebrating, enjoying one's self, enjoying others, having a party, laughing, singing, dancing, kicking up one's heels and reveling in the  moment.  I don't feel that way about our present living arrangement. 

Thankfully Paul doesn't make the statement about rejoicing in Romans 5 and leave it standing alone unexplained.   Paul, in typical Paul fashion, uses many words to drive home his idea.  Paul continues his thought through verses 4 and 5, with reasons for rejoicing. 

• Going through afflictions produces endurance.  Endurance is that ability to keep going, to keep pressing forward.  That raises the question in my mind "What am I to be moving forward toward?"  Paul gives the answer to that in verses 1 and 2, before he instructs us to rejoice in stuff that isn't what we would choose.  Verses 1 and 2 remind us that we have been declared righteous because Jesus offered himself as a perfect sacrifice; Jesus was the penalty payment for our sins when he died on the cross.  We now have peace with God and the opportunity to have deep intimacy with the Almighty One who created us.  We stand in grace that not only offers us forgiveness, but also offers us entry into eternal life with the Father.  We get to have deep intimacy with God for the rest of all time. That's something to celebrate!  We are moving forward toward experiencing God face to face for eternity.  We are pressing toward the life God had planned for man when He created Eden.  We are enduring through afflictions so that we can live the life we were all meant to live.
• As we continue to endure, our character is proven.  We are becoming more anchored in Christ through this process of rejoicing in the fact that we are declared righteous, that we stand in grace, and that we are continually moving toward heaven, even when the circumstances of life are less than favorable.  As we commit to celebrating over our salvation even when life is tough, the Spirit produces evidence of His work in our individual lives.  Galatians 5:22 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…" Those characteristics, as they appear consistently in our lives, are proof to us and to others, that we have pledged ourselves devoted to Jesus who gave His life for us.  We see Him as someone to always get excited over, to be glad about, to express joy  in respect to what He as done.
• As our character becomes more and more formed into the image of Christ, our hope becomes stronger and deeper.  I have realized the more my life is filled with Jesus, the deeper is my desire to be with Him.  I want to experience His presence, His pleasure and His affirmation.  I want to spend time with Him each morning. I set aside time to know Him more intimately and I work to pattern my life after all He says is significant.  I long for our relationship to be more rooted and pervasive; I anticipate the day when I will be held in complete awe over the extent of His fully revealed glory. The hope of the someday of eternity becomes more real and more wildly exciting the more my life is intertwined with my Savior, Jesus Christ.  Paul affirms this idea when he says in verse 5 "This hope will not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."  God's Holy Spirit is already giving each of us a taste of this grand hope by allowing us to savor the love He is generously pouring into us.  

Does it still feel complicated?  Overwhelming?  Are you still thinking "I'm supposed to be happy over what?"  Let me try to simplify.  We are to rejoice over who Jesus is and what He has done for us, while we are experiencing circumstances that we would never choose, because it draws us into greater intimacy with the One who created us and loves us most.  When we are afflicted and still rejoice, we learn how to lean on His strength instead of trying to muscle through on our own.  We grasp deeper understanding of truths like God's ways and thoughts are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:9) and God's presence is my good (Psalms 73:28). We encounter the Holy Spirit and open the door for Him to shape us.  We take steps of obedience that create evidences, to ourselves and to others, that we are different from the world because we belong to a different Kingdom.  We gain the practice of focusing more on what Christ says is important, not what this earth says is significant.

Jesus didn't die for us so that we would be saved and then beat down by the circumstances of this earthly life.  Jesus' love for each of us extends so far beyond salvation.  John 10:10 says that Christ came to provide abundant life.  I recently read this quote: "Let every opportunity that comes to you this day be the open doorway into [God's] presence."  (from Whispers, June 29, Brian Simmons and Gretchen Rodriquez)  This statement makes me wonder if I become too focused on my circumstance do I then become unaware of His love being poured into me moment by moment by moment?

Can I ask you three questions?  They are the questions I asked myself as I was reading Romans 5:1-6.  They enabled me to step back from what was going on in my life and make space for God.  1.) What are your current afflictions? List out those things that are hard; make you frustrated; leave you wiped out; cause you to  feel alone or sad.   2.) How do you imagine your afflictions look from God's point of view?  Consider how He might want to use them for your good, to make you more like Christ. Remember or search out scripture passages that speak to how God sees you.  3.) What step of obedience is God asking of you so that you can keep pressing forward toward hope.  Sit in God's presence, quiet your heart and your mind, wait patiently and listen actively for the Holy Spirit to speak. 

God's love is pouring into your heart at this very moment.  He is faithful.  He is with you.  He is offering grace.  He wants to hear you rejoicing.  He wants you to hope.