Being Part of the Family

For any of us who have grown up in Sunday School, we have heard the story of the Prodigal Son found in Luke 15, verses 11-32.  If you are of my generation you were told the story using flannel graph. If you were a lucky duck the day the story was told in Sunday School, you got to move the characters around the flannel board- whoa!  In very simplistic terms, there is a dad with 2 sons. The younger son asks for his inheritance, and the father complies. Off the younger son goes to do all the things a parent fears most their child will do and blow every penny. He eventually finds himself trapped in a horrific job trying to make ends meet. He decides to return home, apologize for being so unwise and disrespectful, and see if his dad will give him a job on the family farm. When he is getting closer to home, Dad sees him, rushes to hug him, and throws a huge party to welcome his lost son home. The older son is not happy with the turn of events. He feels slighted and the story ends without a complete resolution for the entire family.  Again -very simplistically- the father in the story is God; the younger son is someone who doesn't believe in God; the older son is someone who does believe in God. There are many lessons in the story -it is a parable after all, a story told to teach a lesson. Lesson 1.) God allows us to choose; lesson 2.) God is always eager to welcome anyone back home; lesson 3.) to receive forgiveness, one needs to be sorry for what one has done; 4.) God's forgiveness is real and comes complete with a celebration!
I have two children. For years, as I read this story, I was afraid my children would be like the two sons. One child would leave home (without an inheritance, we don't have that kind of cash flow) and live a lifestyle seen in raunchy movies. The other child would live nearby (we don't have a family farm, nor land for said child to homestead on) and come over regularly for dinner.  At some point, the wild child would return to my great joy, but the family would remain fractured.
Recently I read this story again in my quiet time. I admit I was cruising through the verses because the story is so familiar to me,  when this phrase jumped out to me  in verse 28: "the older son became angry..."  Questions began to pop into my train of thought: Why was he angry? Did he feel left out? Did he feel used? Was he generally unhappy with life? Why didn't his father know? Did he ever talk to his dad about how he was feeling? Did their relationship look really good to the outside observer, but lacked real substance?  It occurred to me, for all his obedience and doing the "right" thing, the older son wasn't any closer to his dad than the wayward, younger son.  When the father comes out to appeal to him. to see his brother's return in a different light, the older son lists his complaints and basically vomits all over his dad. 
I felt a nudging in my spirit and I wondered, "Am I like the older son?" More questions began to flow through my stream of consciousness: What kind of relationship do I really have with God, my spiritual dad? Do I truly talk with God honestly about how I'm feeling about life? Am I just going through motions or do God and I have an intimate and extremely personal relationship? Have I been "vomiting" on God because I perceive I'm not being treated as special as someone else? Do I get excited about what God gets excited about?
Verses 31 and 32 of Luke 15 (NET) say, "Then the father said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and everything that belongs to me is yours. It was appropriate to celebrate and be glad, for your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost and is found.’”  As a follower of Jesus, one of God's adopted children, God promises me several things in these verses. First of all I always have God available to me -always. There is never a time he is too busy for me, or is uninterested in what I'm thinking or feeling. Secondly, everything God has I can tap into. When I engage with him in true 2-way relationship - Conversing together, experiencing life together, learning from him, sharing my hopes and dreams, ideas and thoughts - then all he has is available to me, everything is open for discussion. Thirdly, God will teach me to see what is really significant. I have the privilege of learning to have the attitude of Christ; to be consumed with what Jesus is consumed with; to be about my Father's business; to know when it's most-assuredly appropriate to celebrate and be glad.
Thankfully, as God and I chatted, He affirmed to my spirit that our relationship is good. And he nudged me to be aware that I have a tendency to play the Comparison Game (that whole why-don't-I-get-a-party issue). He gently reminded me to talk with him when I'm feeling left out, or hurt; to not let things fester; to allow Him to meet my needs of peace, joy, and hope with his unlimited supply. He brought me back to the truth that I am not to live "all about me," but to see people and circumstances with His eyes, being consumed with His mission and His purposes. In those moments together, we had a little celebration of our own, God and me, and He brought the cake.

Now What?

Several years ago, my family lived in a house with a fireplace. We didn't use it consistently, but there were evenings when a fire seemed the ideal addition to any plan. One evening, we were having a small group of people over and the decision was made to build a fire. My husband got it all going, then ran to the store at my request, and I headed upstairs to finish getting ready. It wasn't long before one of my children came upstairs and said, in a very concerning tone, "Mom, you better come downstairs."
I followed downstairs, and I'm pretty sure I was exhibiting signs of annoyance and frustration. I don't remember too well, because what I discovered when I got downstairs overshadowed the memory. There, in the fireplace, behind the glass, trying to scoot away from the fire, was an animal of some sort! My mind exploded in multiple, random thoughts: What is it? It's a huge rat! What if it gets out? What if it bites one of my children? Are we all going to die of some strange disease because of this? Why isn't my husband home yet? WHAT DO I DO?!  I began to be afraid the glass protector, which really was just leaning over the fireplace opening, was going to fall over and then all pandemonium would break loose. Somehow I ended up with a broom in my hands, the end of which I had pressed against the glass screen to keep the whatever animal in the fireplace. Please realize, all of this is taking place with much screaming and obvious anxiety. The kids and I do finally realize its a baby racoon. Number one clue: mama racoon is making all sorts of noise in the chimney, because one of her babies had fallen and she couldn't get to him. We hear her scurrying up and out the chimney a couple of times, most likely saving her other babies. Mind you, I am not calm yet; this is way beyond my skill set. In my imagination, I'm sure Mama Racoon is going to come barrelling out of the fireplace and attack one of us - in the face - because we have harmed her baby! You can assume I was in no way processing rationally, nor portraying an image of calm maturity for my own babies.  At some point my husband comes home, and my daughter rushes out to him with this pronouncement, "You'd better get inside, Mom's freaking out." Notice she doesn't mention there's a rodent in our fireplace, because really, the bigger issue is I'm freaking out. We call animal control, we call the police department, we call whomever we can think of. We discover we are on our own, period. We brainstorm and call friends of ours who are outdoor and animal enthusiasts, and invite them over to participate in our little surprise party. They come, the whole family, with friends, and a cat carrier. They manage to prod the singed baby racoon into its new cage and we set the trapped animal outside on our patio to contemplate "now what?"
That phrase, "now what?" came to my mind the other day When I read the last half of 2 Corinthians 10:5 in my Bible. It says, "We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." Generally the verse is  interpreted to mean that when we are thinking thoughts and ideas that are not glorifying to God we "capture" that thought,  or we identify and isolate it, so that we can then change, alter or adapt the thought so it is God glorifying. I have also read authors who apply this same verse to positive dreams and ideas. Again, the idea, thought or dream is to be identified and isolated (captured) so that we, with the help of God's Holy Spirit, can do what is necessary so that the thought, idea or dream falls in line with what God wants for us. Simplified, the verse has 2 parts: 1.) take captive (or identify and isolate) every or each thought; 2.) make the thought obedient to Christ. Step one doesn't seem that difficult to comprehend. Step 2 is more challenging. To truly follow through with step 2 one needs to pray, seek wisdom, and sometimes take multiple steps of obedience!
Some days my brain needs to operate solely on "simple mode." God knows that, so God chose to help me by giving me this phrase:
"So there's this ___________, God, now what?"
I am currently at a time in my life where God is asking me to focus on daily obedience. He's not bestowing me with big dreams or plans, but with activities, commitments, and disciplines for me to follow through with every day. I've been asking "now what?" quite often! When I think of applying it to my thought life it seems manageable.  "I have this dream Lord, now what?" Not- 'how do I make it happen?' Or 'Whoa, God! Me?' Or 'This is how it's going to go down, God.'  Just: now what? Am I to take a step of faith? Do I need to share it with someone? What one thing am I to do next? 
"I have this really judgemental thought, Jesus. Now what?"
"I'm afraid of what's happening in my family, at my job, with our nation, Lord. Now what?"
" I have an opportunity to move, to advance, to go on a date, to go back to school, Jesus. Now what?"
Just one step of obedience at a time. Just one answer to be concerned with at a time.  What now, Lord? Prayer is still needed, so is seeking wisdom from God's Word and perhaps even godly counsel. Asking the question 'now, what?' leads me to sit at the feet of Jesus more; I'm seeking His wisdom more; I'm recognizing His character and will more quickly.  Capturing some thoughts feels like trapping a rodent. We become distracted by all the possible 'what if's.'  "What if?" is the wrong question. "What if" doesn't seek to isolate the thought or idea, instead it attaches one thought to multiple thoughts.  When our thoughts aren't isolated or "captured,"  it's too hard to make them obedient to Christ's will, plan and purpose. You can't ask 'What, now?' if you are consumed with 'What, if?'
One step of obedience at a time-just one. I'm seeking one answer at a time: "So, there's this__________, God. Now, what?" And I'm learning to make all parts of my life obedient to Christ.

A Dog's Life

I caught my dog, Sam, the other morning peering out the window. The window sill is just the perfect height, that it looks as if his nose is resting on the sill so he can gaze with even less effort than one might expect. The ideal "dog life."
We as people often envy the dog and his lazy life. Someone feeds him, buys him toys and treats, cleans up his poop, scratches him when he itches, tells him he's a "good boy," and even takes him on exploratory adventures! The dog's only responsibilities: sound off when a delivery has been made, scare off potential intruders (with the same sound mentioned before), welcome you with enthusiasm when you arrive home- with that familiar sound, express delight when you bestow attention on him ... Okay, the dog has a responsibility to bark, at anything and everything!  It's a desirable lifestyle: everything provided and given, one just has to make noise. It's doable.
As I watched my dog, I wondered What he was thinking. Was he longing to go outside? Was he envious of the little dog out on his morning exploratory adventure? Then it hit me: a dogs' life isn't that grand. My dog is totally at my whim and mercy! That adorable furry friend doesn't get anything, or get to do anything. unless I decide. Hmm... perhaps its no wonder he lies around and sleeps all the time.
I wonder how often I respond to life like my dog Sam. I wait for something to take place instead of making life happen. I can remember moving to a new state and praying that God would send me a friend. It's not a bad prayer, it's just that I also needed to be out and about meeting people and acquiring acquaintances. There have been moments when I have wished I had a day of "fun." You know, like what you read in books and see on TV. You and your girlfriend(s), looking all cute, thin and stylish, spend a day together.  Perhaps you shop, peruse a museum, go to a coffee shop and just chat, or drive around in a convertible while your hair still looks good even though windblown. The question that hangs in the air is did I call anyone or did I just stare longingly at all the pretty girls in convertibles driving by?
In case you haven't picked it up: I am not a dog. Neither are you.
I currently am reading book entitled "A Loving Life in a World of Broken Relationships," by Paul Miller. The book is an examination of the Biblical story of Ruth. Miller's intent is to challenge us to 'hesed' love. Miller helps to define this Hebrew word:  "Sometimes hesed is translated 'steadfast love.'  It combines commitment with sacrifice. Hesed is one-way love. Love without an exit strategy. When you love with hesed love, you bind yourself to the object of your love, no matter what the response is." Miller uses Ruth as a prime example of this Godly love. In one chapter, Miller talks about community. He says:

The biggest problem people have in searching for the perfect community is just that. You don’t find community; you create it through love. Look how this transforms the way you enter a room of strangers. Our instinctive thought is, “Who do I know? Who am I comfortable with?” There’s nothing wrong with those questions, but the Jesus questions that create communities are, “Who can I love? Who is left out?” Instinctively, we hunt for a church or community that makes us feel good. It is good to be in a place where you are welcome, but making that quest central is idolatry. And like all idolatry, it ultimately disappoints. But if we pursue hesed love, then, wherever we go, we create community.

Let me repeat what I mentioned earlier: I am not a dog. Neither are you. There is no need for me to sit at the window and watch life go by. I have been given a task, enabled and empowered by the Holy Spirit, to live an abundant life. God has purposed me to be His hands and feet, to interact with His children in His world. I don't need to be guided on a leash for Christ has set me free. I am called to live out love and create community for myself and for others. I am challenged to step beyond my walls and risk loving so that I may experience true community and thereby also abundant life.
I am not a dog, but if you'll excuse me, I think it's time I headed outside my walls for an exploratory adventure. Woof!

Home

I can visualize it in my mind. Every picture I conjour, a memory attaches itself. The literal address isn't always the same, yet each place has the exact same name, and the same feelings flood over me.

Home.

That place that calls to us, young or old. A structure that holds a treasury of memories. For me, home has always been safe, full of love and laughter. A place where there is acceptance, a place to try new things with built in encouragers (and critics).  A place of warmth and relaxation. A place I learned responsibility, the necessity of family, respecting the rights and boundaries of others, how to fold the bottom sheet, how to torture my siblings, the wonder of reading, a multitude of ways to stretch a pound of hamburger, and the joy of exploring and learning new things. 
As I got older I was faced with the task of creating my own place that conjured up those same emotional characteristics simply described as home. My mind floods with images of the various houses my husband and I have lived in, along with snapshots of my laughing children, playing hide'n'seek, Batman birthday parties, tutu swimsuits, shadow puppets while camping, making heart shaped pizzas on valentine's day, raking leaves, Christmas morning, the smell of pumpkin bread, making tents to read in, play in, hide in -the memories roll on and on.  
The other day, when I spent time in God's Word and I struggled to apply what I read - God whispered one word to my seeking heart: Home.
I had read such a varied combination of things, one would think I could surely find some word specifically for me. I began with the story of the Samaritan woman in John 4. I wondered various things:  from "why did all the disciples go into town?" to "What was the Samaritan woman's tone when she asked 'Where do you get this living water?' Was she curious or sarcastic?"  I was grabbed by the idea of worshiping in spirit and truth and searched various translations for a deeper grasp of its meaning. I picked up several truths as I read the passage and I jotted them down. Yet nothing challenged my spirit and I moved on a bit disappointed.
I read part of Psalm 27. I leaned into the idea "... I will triumph over my enemies who surround me..." (verse 6). I processed  through the idea that the Psalmist enemies were literal physical enemies and mine tend to be concepts like bad attitudes, anger, fear, and longing to belong. I grasped at verse 8, "My heart tells me to pray to you, and I do pray to you, O Lord."
Then I read a portion of a book entitled Draw the Circle that my Church body is reading through. The author talked about stepping out in faith and acting on dreams we are praying about. "If we want to See God move, we need to make a move."
Finally, I did what I do every morning: I sift back through notes I've made to myself, I think about what I've studied and I ask God to break it down and specify "what is for me -TODAY?" My struggle to find a significant nugget of truth was intensified because God had been consistently quenching my thirst at His well, I didn't sense I was battling a war-raging enemy, and the Holy Spirit wasn't unveiling a big dream to step toward, nor reminding me of an old dream I had allowed to wither. God emphasized that I just needed to stay focused and obedient in the day-to-day routines, so I made some "good foundation notes" to myself to keep me centered in Christ.  Then I wrote down this:
"Christ surely gives me shelter- I seek the Lord's face and find 'home.' "
In an instant, I knew God had spoken what my spirit was hungering for. When I choose to spend time in God's Word, in prayer, in reading faith challenging books, in spiritual self-reflection  -regardless of any big "Ah-ha!" -  I've come home. There is comfort, acceptance, and delight. Every good thing imaginable is found in the presence of my Jesus, and my heart is flooded with images and experiences that reflect His goodness to me. Just like my family knows me too well, so does Christ- and even move so! Just like when the day is long, and I just want to get to my safe-haven and relax in my pajamas, so is it with Jesus; I can be myself, no worries about having to entertain or impress. Just like when I have exciting big news and I rush home to share my joy, Jesus delights in experiencing with me all the best life has to offer. Just like those days when its rainy or snowy outside, and I get the privilege of staying snug and warm inside, Jesus is my comfort as the tough stuff of the world and life rages. 

Lord, you have been our home since the beginning.
Psalms 90:1 NCV

Just like Dorothy said, as she clicked her fabulous red heels together, "There's no place like home."  I'm eternally grateful.

For the Wonder of it All

Let me begin by just stating that I love the word "wonder." It conjures up feelings of adventure, anticipation, excitement and delight in me. When I dwell on the word wonder all sorts of pictures flash through my mind: a child with a wad of cash in an old-fashioned candy store; one of those fancy toy stores you see in the movies; a picture of my daughter in her little tutu swimsuit when she was 2 and a half; a memory of my son sprinting down the soccer field; planning yet another camping trip with my husband; the mountains; the ocean; the sun breaking through the clouds... the list is endless.  I really believe each day is made of multiple moments of wonder if only I would just slow down enough to grasp their significance.
I recently had one of those moments when reading a familiar passage of scripture from the book of Philippians in the Bible. What signaled my "wonder antenna" was verse 10: "My aim is to know him, to experience the power of his resurrection, to share in his sufferings, and to be like him in his death." (NET)  It's been a verse I have read before but tended to slide over for various reasons. It seemed very theological, and it talks about suffering and death. The verse never struck me as being one of those "happy verses."
When the wonder of God steps in everything changes.  God revealed 4 very wondrous concepts in this one verse.
First, God has given me something to aim for, and its not overwhelming! The goal, the center mark, the place to aim is to get to know Christ! Say what?! That's it? I don't have to leap tall buildings, evangelize everyone in my neighborhood, and memorize the entire New Testament? Admittedly, as I get to know Jesus more and more He may challenge me to do one of those. And if he does, I will be at a point of knowing Him close enough that I'll be ready. I just need to make sure I'm invested and intentional about knowing Christ. Wonderful simplicity.
Secondly, as I am aiming to know Christ, I am privileged to experience the same power that raised a dead Jesus back to life. Talk about a bit of wonder! Death seems to be a pretty deep dark pit. Our everyday assumption is that when someone or something dies, it's all over, there's no going back. The wonder is that Christ has death-defying power and he is never limited by what our minds describe as final. I am amazed that God is SO powerful! That power is FOR me, and that brings me amazing reassurance that there is no depth He can't rescue me from. Wonderous magnificence.
Thirdly, as I continue to aim to know Christ completely I get to "share in his sufferings." Can I get a "whoop! whoop!" and a "Hallelujah!"  I know it doesn't sound like something to marvel over, and maybe this phrase has always been the sticky point that has led me to do some serious skimming onto something more palatable. God, in His gracious mercy, is helping me to better grasp why this really is something to be in Wonder about. In my simple mind, I share in Christ's sufferings when I am so committed to God's purpose and will that I begin living outside "my box." I begin to act in ways beyond what I perceive are my physical limitations; no more excuses like 'I don't know how to do that," or "I'm too tired," or "I'm too young or too old." I set aside my fears, my own agenda and my assumed list of skills and gifting to the point of truly risking ridicule, isolation and rejection. My focus is not on suffering but fulfilling God's purpose, conquering the mountain, scaling the wall! There is something thrilling about being a part of something so big, so eternal that one can't help but wonder at being allowed to participate. And the wonder doesn't stop there! The phrase is SHARE in Christ's suffering. There is wonder on top of wonder! There is no pain, no emotional carnage that God isn't in the middle of it with me. He journeys with me, He fills in the gaps, He is my friend when all others have deserted me, He is the wisdom and answer to all the unknowns I encounter. He is.  Wonderland of Relationship.
Lastly, as my aim to know Christ completely deepens, I am blessed to be like him in his death. I  have realized that, in the past, I would end the thought at 'be like him," with a very large, emphatically placed period. The fact that Jesus went all the way to death is crucial to my salvation. Even though Jesus would have humanly preferred a different avenue, God directed that this was the way to go, and Jesus chose to obediently walk the road laid before him. If I am to know Christ completely, I too must choose absolute obedience. Here's the Wonder: what I often perceive to be the death or end of something may be God's ultimate plan. The ending, the death, in God's over all view, has a miraculous purpose that is beyond my comprehension. And with Christ, where there is death, resurrection always follows. Marveling wrapped in Wondering Amazement.

Praise the Lord God, the God of Israel, who alone does such wonderful things. Praise his glorious name forever! Let the whole earth be filled with his glory. Amen and amen!
Psalms 72:18‭-‬19 NLT

I Need New Crayons

It's "new crayon box" time of year!  It's that season when you feel the need to buy pencils (#2 and colored), spiral notebooks, fresh unbroken crayons (in a crisp box with a built-in sharpener), highlighters and a 'first day' outfit. Even though I am long passed being considered "school-age" those crayon boxes call my name when I enter my local discount store. I still think fresh pages in a pristeen spiral notebook are exciting. And even though I have no first-day to celebrate, I want to purchase a complete new outfit to wear somewhere -anywhere! Ahh, the beginning of a new school year!
I recently read Psalm 25 in The Message, and verse 4 reads like this: "Show me how You work, God; school me in your ways." That word school grabbed my attention. Maybe it's because I'm still pining for a new box of crayons. More likely, God's Holy Spirit was speaking. I began to brainstorm concepts I connected with school:
* learning     * listening     * writing out new ideas     * practice
* brainstorming connections    * synthesizing     *homework     *tests
* new ideas     * reformulated ideas     * recess     * lunch
Let me be honest: I love new crayons, but the idea of going to school doesn't get me all revved up with excitement. There is RISK in going to school! There are subjects that are just way beyond me. There is an expectation to sit still, be quiet, share, speak kindly, take turns, and allow some other person to be in control. Add to that the facts that I will be stretched, challenged, told I'm wrong, corrected, tested, made to try again...and again... and again...  Seriously? Why would I want to do that just for a new outfit and new crayons?
And yet I NEED to go to school. I need to discover more of how God works and what this God-life is really all about. Thankfully, God doesn't force me to squeeze into one of those little first-grader desks. He does expect me to come to "school" -every day; to read His appointed textbook-The Bible; to enter into discussion-pray; to accept the truth that I will be expected to practice, do my homework, be tested, identify where I'm not very skilled, practice more, accept tutoring - to be "schooled in God's way."
The rest of Psalm 25 offers hope and encouragement in my schooling. Verse 5 reminds me that I can trust God as my teacher. He IS the one who delivers me. lt's so much easier to give control over to someone who has already proven He is on my side and will be willing to rescue me when it's all just too hard or overwhelming. Verse 8 softens the whole concept by clarifying that my teacher is both kind AND fair. We've all had a teacher that was a favorite. Picture him or her, than multiply what made him or her so amazing by a million - yup, that's Jesus.
God does expect certain behaviors from me to succeed in school. Verses 9 and 10 specify that I am to be humble and obedient. I need to realize I don't know the answers; I am the learner and I am to follow instructions. God is such an amazing instructor that from the very beginning, the benefits and outcomes of my compliance are clearly stated in verses 12-14: he will show me how to do what I need to do (translate clear instructions, pictures to help with understanding, step by step clues to success); I will know his favor (translate: earn an A+, get a cool sticker, earn the classroom party); He will give guidance (translate: extra help, personal tutor, proven tricks to succeed).
I may not be thrilled with the idea of school, and yet I'm drawn to the teacher I've been given. He seems so cool, and I think He'll make learning fun. I think I'm getting excited! I'm going to learn how God works! He's going to teach, show, explain and demonstrate how to live His way! Whoop, Whoop- school sounds GREAT! Now if you'll excuse me please, I need to go purchase new crayons.