Motivation

Sometimes, when I sit in my chair in the early morning to talk to Jesus, he wallops me.  I'm thankful Jesus doesn't use a frying pan, and I'm thankful I don't spill my morning coffee all over my lap.  Jesus walloped me this morning.  He caught me off guard by having me read a verse in Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes is not the book I normally think, "Ooooo!  Ecclesiastes this morning!!  This will be encouraging!" Nope. My general approach to Ecclesiastes is to remind myself there is wisdom in the book, and I need to be open to God's Spirit teaching me a significant lesson.   I don't normally get smashed over the head with verses found in Ecclesiastes, but evidently God thought I needed a bit of shock therapy. 

Have you ever believed God has told you to do something, or to be  prepared for something and then it seems like God takes his sweet time in bringing everything around so that you can be obedient?  That's where I'm currently living.  God nudged my spirit several months ago to make some changes in my employment status.  The nudging was actually a year in the making, and when it came I truly sensed God was preparing me for something new that would be exciting, challenging and blessed by Him.  I've been in the process of making necessary changes so that I'm ready for whatever it is God wants to do (that I'm still kind of in the dark about).  I admit that lately I've had my doubts. I have contemplated why God would have me change my job.  My previous job had great opportunities to be used by Him, to be engaged with a wide variety of people, and to be used in areas where I am gifted. Truth:  when it comes right down to it, I've been wavering in trusting God. I've been questioning if He really wants to use me to move miraculously and make a difference in the world around me.

This morning, I read Ecclesiastes 4:4: "Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors.  But this, too, is meaningless -- like chasing the wind." Wham!!  Jesus distinctly said, "This is you."  Umph.  I saw it clearly; in my previous job it was me to a 'T.'  I was motivated to work hard and move forward because I envied the admiration, accolades, and advantages I saw others achieving.  I wanted to be noticed; I wanted moments (too many moments) that were all about me. I wanted the glory and to be recognized as an outstanding winner.  I was believing the lie that this would make others like me more, that I would feel successful, that I would be happier . . .  and then. . .  God could use me.

Jesus is gracious.  He didn't slam me up against the wall and then leave me crumpled in guilt and defeat.  He reached out His hand and lifted me with tenderness as He led me to read Ephesians 3:19: "May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Jesus gently whispered, "I complete you with my love.  Do you not grasp how much I love you, just as you are?"  I realized that I need to invest my time and energies into understanding (with the power of the Holy Spirit) how wide, how long, how high and how deeply God loves me (verse 18). 

I've heard the comparison of God's love to an ocean before, I've sung about it as I harmonized on the hymn The Love of God, and I've seen images with quotes and clicked a quick 'like!'  This morning God began to help me see the power in that comparison.  When I choose to dwell in the unfathomable vastness of God's love for me, I find myself to be complete, satisfied and content with whatever is.  In the truly living each moment within the understanding that I'm loved beyond what I can ever imagine, I find life to be full and fulfilling.  Because that's the power and grace and wonder of God's love. 

I still have quite a few questions.  I would still love a "This is your New Adventure!" packet to be delivered via snail mail to my front door.  And I'm trusting again, resting in the truth that God is faithful and oh, how He loves me.

Ask. Seek. Knock.

I'm in the midst of transition.  I am closing my home based business that I've had for the last 8 years.  It's been a great ride!  AND God has asked me to set that aside for something new.  I'm not yet sure what the "new" looks like and God is being patiently quiet on that account. He keeps nudging me to do what is necessary to finish what I've been involved with for this past season of my life. 

I often find myself at a loss.  I keep busy during the day.  I've begun to look for a part time job to fill any financial needs that could arise, but there's no heavy pressure or looming necessity for more funds.  I create a to-do list each day so that I don't fritter away my minutes endlessly scrolling Facebook and Instagram, or playing too many games on my phone while watching mindless TV.  At the end of each day I have a sense of accomplishment and gratitude for what the day has held.  All of that is good … and yet I sense there should be more. 

Several months ago when I first heard God tell me it was time to close up shop on my business and be prepared for something new, I began to dream and envision what that "new" might look like.  God graciously gave me a brief peek at what He was planning for me by giving me three words: encourage, equip and empower.  My imagination took wing and I created mental plans that did not receive God's immediate stamp of approval.  He remained silent.  I pulled back, even though I held tightly to the promise those three words held, reminding myself of what needed to be done first: shut the door on my business.

Days, weeks, months passed and as I am prone to do, I adapted to a new rhythm.  And with God remaining silent beyond  *close up shop,  *be prepared, *encourage, equip and empower, I slipped into an assumption that whatever God had planned wasn't BIG -- it was just a "new season in life."  I began to lose some excitement about what each day would hold. Life was becoming habitual, a bit mundane. 

And then, last Sunday night, in small group, we looked at a passage in Matthew 7  and verse 8 popped out into the forefront for me. "For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks the door will be opened." The passage talks about if we as parents give good gifts to our kids, why in the world would we believe that God, who created us, wouldn't give good gifts to us, his precious children who He rescued and redeemed?  God began to nudge my heart that I needed to begin asking, and asking BIG.

For these last four days, God has emphasized that truth to my heart.  He reminded me of the story of Joshua and the sun standing still: Josh asked for something SUPER big, and God came through, because God wanted to use Joshua right where he was.  My memory verse for the week has remind me that I can ask for ANYTHING that comes to my heart and mind as I am intertwining my life with Christ's: "But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want and it will be granted. When you produce much fruit you are my true disciples.  This brings great glory to my Father." (John 15:7,8) The verse, in Matthew 7, that had so grabbed my attention in small group, popped up as Bible Gateway's verse of the day and God whispered, "go ahead…. Ask.  Dream, imagine, seek, study…. ASK!"  The I read the story of Nehemiah asking King Artaxerxes if he would allow Nehemiah to go rebuild Jerusalem.  Nehemiah even asked for supplies and protection… and the King (who wasn't Jewish, and didn't really care about Jerusalem) agreed! Again, God whispered, "Ask! What burdens you, what are you dreaming will happen? ASK!"  I read the story of the leper who said to Jesus "if you are willing you can heal me and make me clean."  Jesus responded with "I am willing."  Again God faithfully whispered, "ASK!  How will you know if I am willing, if you don't ASK!  Seek what I have for you, long for it. Knock on doors, try things out and discover what I will do!"  Nehemiah asked for the moon and the leper believed Jesus could do the impossible.

Today God presented his plea again as I read Psalm 106. 

Verse 1: the Lord is good and His faithful love endures forever.

Verse 2-3: "Who can list the glorious miracles of the Lord?"

Verse 7-8: even though the children of Israel forgot God's many acts of kindness, He saved them

Verse 13: "Yet how quickly they forgot what he had done! They wouldn't wait for his counsel!"

Verse 24-25: the children of Israel REFUSED to enter the promised land because they wouldn't believe God's promise to care for them.  Instead, they grumbled and refused to obey.

Today, God's plea to "Ask!" came with correction.  I knew what God had spoken to my soul.  Was I forgetting God's many acts of kindness?  Was I refusing to enter what God was promising me?  Was I doubting that God wanted to use me, give me purpose and abundant life? Was I becoming jaded toward obedience because I wasn't thrilled with God's timing or His way of doing things?  I humbled my heart and I began to list the glorious miracles of God in my life.  A verse I had previously memorized came to mind: "As God's partners, we beg you not to accept this marvelous gift of God's kindness and ignore it.  For God said, 'When the time was right, I heard you.  When the day of salvation came, I helped you.' Indeed, the right time is now.  Today is the day of salvation." (2 Cor. 6:1,2) My heart was impressed again with the truth that I am not to ignore God's kindness, it IS a marvelous gift; God hears me; God has saved me and continues to save me.

As I prepared to pray, God reminded me of the story of the unjust judge that Jesus told and is recorded in Luke 18.  Verse 1 states, "One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up."  Yes, God whispered again, "Ask. Seek. Knock."  And so I did.  And I will continue, for I serve a BIG God, with grand ideas, who offers astonishing hope and purpose.  To God be the glory.

Convicted, Convinced, Concerned

I love coffee.  I love to play board games.  I love to decorate my house for the various seasons.  I love to camp and hike and explore God's beautiful world.  I'm passionate about being creative.  I can lose myself in making cards with my rubber stamps and collection of "stamping utensils."  I don't quilt, but I can wander a quilt store for hours and put fabrics together and just imagine.  I am thrilled to help my friends decorate or accessorize or brainstorm ideas for a new project.  I color with crayons and a coloring book, scrapbook with scissors and glue, and shop my closet for new outfits.  Being creative isn't just something I enjoy, it's who I am, it's part of my DNA. 

In Paul's first letter to the Corinthian church he talks about something he is passionate about, something that is ingrained in his soul, part of his DNA.  Paul was passionate over winning others to Jesus Christ.  He is so into evangelism that he declares  he would make himself "a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible."  (1 Corinthians 9:19) Can you imagine -- altering your day-to-day existence so that someone else (who you may not even know very well!) can be saved by the love and grace of Jesus Christ. 

As a believer in Jesus, one of His disciples, I am given the responsibility to reconcile others to God (2 Cor. 5:18).  I'm to live in such a way that my life reflects who Jesus is and help bring others to a point in their life where they can experience the joy and freedom of being part of the family of God (Phil 2:1-11).

I am to be involved with evangelism (Matthew 28:18-20).

Evangelism is a scary word to me, it makes me think of standing on a street corner and preaching to anyone who will listen.  Or I think of going door to door and sharing the "4 Spiritual Laws" or the "Roman Road" to people I have never met.  That's not really my jam.  I'd much rather be playing with my crafty tools and having a hey day with all sorts of colorful elements. And though the concepts that Paul projects in 1 Corinthians 9 are daunting, they are still doable, though I may need to creatively adapt a bit so that I can still live in my own skin.

I see three things in Paul that I can emulate, that I'm okay with, and can work with within the boundaries of my own personality.   First of all, Paul was convicted of the grace and truth of Jesus Christ.  Paul is somewhat of a bulldozer.  I would never want to get in an argument with him, I would end up in the corner crying! He doesn't just say what he believes, he declares it with force and confident assurance that it is absolute truth. In I Corinthians 1:18 Paul states, "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." In verse 23, "… we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles" Paul then follows in the very next verse proclaiming Christ is the power and wisdom of God. In chapter 5, Paul professes Christ has been sacrificed as our Passover lamb (v.7); in chapter 6 he stresses "you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ…" (v.11); in chapter 6 and 7 he repeats "you were bought at a price." (6:20 and 7:23). Jesus Christ dramatically changed the person of Paul, so much so that God changed his name from Saul to Paul.  Jesus Christ rescued and redeemed Paul and restored him to a life of purpose. Nothing was going to change the conviction Paul had to be committed to his Lord and Savior.

Secondly, Paul was convinced he could make a difference.  Paul doesn't talk about hoping to win some for Christ.  He doesn't hem-haw around the issue, saying he might like to influence others some day.  In verse 19 of 1 Corinthians 9 he states, "…I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible"; verse 20, "… so as to win those under the law."  Paul tells his readers "I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air" (verse 26). Paul acted in such a manner that you know, without question, that he  believed his actions would make a difference in some one's life. We make choices all  the time because we are convinced there will be a particular result: I drink coffee every morning convinced it will help wake me up; I exercise (even though I don't like it) convinced it will help keep me capable and moving as my body ages; I make cards and mail them to others convinced it will encourage and uplift; I avoid too many carbohydrates convinced it will help keep my weight in balance.  I am convinced you are no different, you make choices convinced of a certain outcome.  Paul was convinced that when he shared the good news of Jesus Christ, God would use it for His glory, and people would be saved just as he had been. 

The third thing I see is that Paul was concerned for those around him.  He didn't just choose a specific group of people that he was willing to interact with and share with.  He didn't stick with those who were similar to him, with the same heritage, and general view of life.  Paul cared enough for each person he encountered that he was literally willing to give things up if that would help him relate better to the person he was sharing Christ with.  I believe Paul's concern grew out of the truth that he was convicted over the goodness of God, and he believed each person should receive the opportunity to be overwhelmed with God's abundant blessing, just as he had been.  Paul, the bulldozer dude, cared. 

Paul displayed three characteristics when he evangelized: he was convicted of the truth; he was convinced he could make a difference; and he was truly concerned for those he encountered.  Even as I write down what I discovered, I'm left with a question hanging in the air.  Where am I falling short?  Am I as overwhelmingly convicted of the truth that Jesus Christ died for me, redeemed me and rescued me? Am I convicted to the core that Jesus offers me amazing and abundant grace so that I can have a relationship with God Almighty.  Am I convicted by the truth that Jesus did something for me that I could never in a million years do for myself, and what's been given to me is exactly what my soul longs for?  Am I convinced I can make a difference?  Do I believe God is big enough, trustworthy enough to take what I do and say and use it to influence someone to move one step closer to knowing acceptance, freedom and unfailing love?  Am I concerned for those around me; deeply caring for their eternal soul?  Do I want more for those in my sphere of influence than a good day, or a happy life?  I have come to the conclusion that if I feel I am lacking in concern for others, or in confidence to make a difference, it stems from my lack of conviction that Jesus has saved me from a horror beyond my imagination.  If I am short on conviction it's because I've lost a passion for what Christ has done for  me. That's where I need to begin: encountering again the grace and goodness of God, being overwhelmed by the truth of who He is in power and glory, and recognizing that I am literally nothing without Him. 

Living out Jesus' Plan

I have grown up being told Bible stories.  I have experienced flannel graph, records (actual records!) of Bible stories being told, Sunday School, church services, The Bible Man cassette tapes, Veggie tales on VHS and more.  I have heard the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 with a boys lunch numerous times.  I have listened and read scholars, pastors and teachers talk about giving Jesus whatever we have and watch Him multiply what we offer.  I have been encouraged by the story; I have wondered over how it really all went down; and I've imagined facial expressions and reactions of all those involved.

I recently read this very familiar story in Matthew 14.  There was this huge crowd that Jesus had compassion on. It was probably a mishmash of people: all different ages, sizes, social and political standings.  Within the large group, cliques were probably formed as some people desperately tried to avoid other people.  It didn't phase Jesus.  He saw them all as needing help.  He mingled with them and healed the sick.  I imagined he chatted with many, struck up a variety of conversations, listened intently to their individual hearts, encouraged them and loved them.  It was an all day affair of Jesus investing in person after person after person.  The disciples began to realize it was close to dinner time and after a quick consultation among themselves they realized they were low on excess funds, and no one had thought ahead to how this day would play out.  They brainstormed various options and proceeded to suggest to Jesus that they send the crowds away so they could all go dig up their own grub.  The disciples were concerned for the crowd, and themselves since hungry crowds can quickly become unruly.  Their idea was practical, sensible and do-able. Perhaps they were even quite satisfied with themselves for being so thoughtful as to recognize that dinner time was just around the corner and surely everyone was hungry. 

My guess is Jesus didn't even hesitate with his answer: "Oh, don't send them away!  Why don't you feed them!"  I can imagine the disciples discomfort since I have experienced my spouse telling me after church on a Sunday morning, "I invited a new couple over for dinner, do we have enough food?"  I have felt a mixture of emotional responses that range from "YOU DID WHAT???!!";  to recognizing that hospitality IS the Christian thing to do; to wondering if I'll even like this couple; to resignation and mentally figuring out how I can quickly thaw out more chicken, or  make more potatoes than what is already cooking at home on timed bake.  I imagine they felt a bit trapped because they just couldn't tell Jesus no.

Jesus gave them a goal to feed everyone but he didn't give them a step by step plan.  He gave them some wiggle room to use their imagination and their particular skill set.  Obviously not one of them was Martha Stewart, but they were somewhat resourceful in finding a young boy willing to share his lunch. When you read the story it doesn't say that Jesus told them to feed everyone and then he went off and did his own thing.  It's not as if Jesus handed them this big responsibility and then left them to it.  Jesus remained available.  Jesus was ready to meet the needs not only of the hungry crowd, but also of the now somewhat flabbergasted group of disciples.  Jesus remained available to them after challenging them and I find some comfort in that -- in the moment, I'm not sure the disciples did. I imagine that when they came to Jesus to tell Him they had five loaves and two fish they were a bit annoyed and frustrated with Him.  I'm not sure the tone of their voice was completely respectful and I sincerely doubt they were calm.  And I can hear the kindness and gentleness in Jesus' voice when he says "bring them here." 

Jesus then got to work and He did what comes naturally to Him. He made what was insignificant into something miraculous.  Jesus multiplied what was offered to Him. 

It struck me as I re-imagined this story that the disciples had to let go of what they thought was a great idea (sending the crowd away).  They also had to release control of what little assets they had commandeered (the five loaves and two fish).  Then the disciples had to just wait and let Christ do His thing.  Maybe Jesus' prayer of thanksgiving was long.  Maybe he stopped and chatted with the little boy before He prayed.  Maybe He just stood in silence for awhile focusing His heart on the Father.  All the while, the disciples are waiting, wondering, wishing there was a local pizza joint that delivered.  Then Jesus broke the bread. Did the disciples hold their breath?  Were they afraid as they saw some pieces fall to the ground? Did Jesus tear the bread slowly?  Did it look as if the bread was the same size as when He started?  Jesus took what the disciples offered Him, and then He broke it into pieces, returned broken pieces to them and told them to give it away. 

Something in that image makes my heart clutch up.  I think of what I have to offer Jesus, "my little something." Then I think about releasing control of it completely and watching Jesus break it apart into pieces so that it feels as if there is less than when I first offered it. My mind cries over the possibility that what I give to Him may no longer be pretty, that things won't look even close to how I want them to be.  I am afraid that what I offer will seem as if it's become something else that doesn’t have "me" written all over it.  In a God-moment I have come face to face with my selfish desires and fears.

I want to think that I long to share what God has gifted me with, that I want to be used for His glory and encourage others to move closer to Jesus.  And I admit, I have a picture in my head of what I think it should look like. I have imagined various options and preselected what I like best, just like the disciples, and I think I have created options that are somewhat practical, sensible and do-able.  And just like in the Bible Story, Jesus is asking me to allow Him to create the plan.  I have realized I am afraid.  My plan makes me look good and Jesus is gently reminding my soul that is not the end goal. Jesus wants to meet the needs of the crowd that is found in my corner of the world and He wants me to participate in helping to meet their need. And, Jesus may have to tear apart what I offer so that it can be multiplied.

My heart is still a bit "clutched up."  I stand before my Lord and I offer my small lunch.  I long for words of reassurance, a detailed plan if possible, of all that God will do to provide, as He always has, making much out of what seems so little.  My eyes search the face of Christ, saying all the words that my mouth won't speak.  His eyes speak to me with the simple word: Trust.  Then His hand brushes mine as I lift what I have.

"I leave you peace; my peace I give you. I do not give it to you as the world does.  So don't let your hearts be troubled or afraid."   -- Jesus  (John 14:27 NCV)