Sheep and Celebrations

Our church has begun practicing for our Christmas musical  presentation.  Since my husband is out of town, I've been listening to Christmas music on random days.  I've started watching cheesy Netflix Christmas movies while I've been working on creating the Christmas cards we will send out this year.  Somewhere in the midst of being all Christmas-y I meandered down memory lane and remembered all the hoopla and anticipation that filled the month of December when my children were small.  It's just my husband and I now.  Christmas day is quiet. Don't be sad for me, the day is still delightful, and the joy of the season still brings wonder to my heart.  Our Christmas day just doesn't look like the movies or the magazines with all the family, the big meal and the large amount of presents.  There's a corner of my heart that misses all those secrets and surprises, the exclamations of happiness, and the sigh of relief when the day is finished.  But just a teeny tiny corner. 

I'm learning not to compare my life to what society proposes is the ideal.  It's a hard lesson for me. I have the dreaded FOMO disease: the fear of missing out. I fear missing what God wants me to do.  I fear I will miss the perfect opportunity to really explain to my children how much they mean to me.  I fear I will miss understanding what my husband needs.  I fear missing out on the best thing for each day.  I fear I will miss out on being seen, recognized and valued.  I fear missing out on really knowing one  person because I'm spending too much time with someone else. It's all a bit insane.

I try not to follow too many people on Instagram, because it makes me wonder why my life seems so ordinary. Logically, I know their life is really no more glamorous than mine. Today one of the Christian authors I follow posted about the elements of her life that are not so wonderous.  She sought to be transparent and to encourage her followers to not imagine her life to be easy or ideal.  She has had major struggles and traumas in her life that I have no frame of reference for. People posted below how grateful they were for her message, they knew similar pain and she gave them hope.  Satan whispered a lie to me that my life is not relatable.  I waffled for a moment or two as I battled the ugly monster FOMO.  Then, I stood my ground in Jesus. 

I saw my disease raising it's ugly head earlier this morning as I spent time in God's Word.  I was reading about Jesus leaving the 99 sheep to go find the one that was lost.  I read the verse that says when the one is found there is great celebration.  I recalled Sunday's sermon and how the pastor mentioned that the story of the prodigal son is more about the brother than the son who came home.  He pointed out that in Luke 15, Jesus tells the three stories of the lost and found because the religious leaders were complaining about Jesus welcoming and eating with sinners.  Jesus told the stories to teach those who were supposed to know God that there is no "us" and there is no "them." God welcomes and accepts everyone.  He's ready to throw a party for anyone who comes home.  In the story of the prodigal son, the son who remains with the Father, should've been overjoyed because the lost had been found.

This morning I read "What do you think? If someone has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, won't he leave the ninety-nine on a hillside and go and search for the stray?" (Matthew 18:12) I flashed back to when my children were small.  My son was very talented in the area of wandering off.  I'm sure there were seasons when I felt all I did was try to track him down.  And I'm sure I said those famous mom words to my daughter, "Stay right here.  I'll be right back.  I'm going to go to (blank) and see if your brother is there."  She obviously didn't have the wandering off trait. I expected her to stay put, and she did.  It didn't mean that I loved my son more and my daughter less.  There were times in those teen years when my daughter was the one I was tracking down since I knew my son was safely in front of his gaming system.  In those moments, I was searching for the one who needed to be found. 

My "A-ha!" this morning came when I looked at the verse in the light of the truth that Jesus is the good Shepherd.  I thought of the truths found in Psalm 23: the Good Shepherd provides what I need (Psalm 23:1); the Good Shepherd leads me to green pastures (verse 2); the Good Shepherd renews my life (verse 3); the Good Shepherd leads me on the path that is right for me because His character doesn't allow Him to do anything different (verse 3); the Good Shepherd is with me when life is hard (verse 4); the Good Shepherd comforts me when I'm hurting or afraid (verse 4); the Good Shepherd fills my life so that it overflows with His goodness (verse 5); the Good Shepherd pursues me with goodness and faithful love every day of my life (verse 6).  Jesus gives all that to me.  He's not just leaving me on some hillside to fend for myself while he's off searching for someone who needs to be found. 

I too often see God with the limitations that I have.  When I was looking for my son, I didn't necessarily have eyes on my daughter.  When I was seeking my daughter, I wasn't watching my son conquer whatever world on his gaming system.  God has no such limitation.  When God's Word says that God is with me, He is.  While He is with you.  While he is searching for someone who needs to be found.  God spoke to my heart and corrected me.  When I come to Christ, sick with FOMO and whine, "what about me?!"  I am not believing the truth of who God is and the promises He's given.  God can choose to bless whomever, go and search for whomever, throw a party for whomever and He is still loving and looking after me.  There is nothing to fear.  God makes sure that I will not miss out on anything He promises. 

I need to choose to celebrate who God is in my life every moment.  I need to choose to wonder and marvel at who God is in other people's life and celebrate just as heartily.  The celebration is for the glory of who God is, for the glory of His Kingdom. 

Christmas is right around the corner.  It reminds me that God celebrates the people He created.  And Christmas leads to Easter, when I'm reminded of the magnitude of what God has done for me.  There are some who don't know what there really is to be celebrating.  They need to be found.  I have already been found and I'm not missing out on anything: not the search party, not the Welcome Home party.

Bananagram!

I love the game Bananagrams.  It's basically Scrabble on steroids.  I love that I get to work on my own little puzzle, and though I am racing against others, much of it for me is challenging myself to make words and to use up my tiles, period! My husband won't play with me any more.  He's not wild about word games to begin with, but with this particular game, he just doesn't ever win.  Ever.  Nope. Nada.  It's the game where I truly reign Queen.  Here's the game basics: there are a lot of tiles, each with their own letter.  Each player draws a set number of tiles according to the number of people who are  playing.  Then someone yells "Split!" and the frenzy begins.  Each player is using his group of tiles to create his own personal crossword puzzle, intersecting the letters, etc.  When a player has used all of her tiles, she yells "peel" and everyone draws an additional tile.  This process keeps repeating until all letter tiles have been drawn.  Once all tiles are in play, the first person to use all his tiles in his personal crossword wins!  At any time during play, you can rearrange your letters and create a totally new word, or even crossword puzzle! Just  because you used tiles to create a particular word at  one point in the game,  doesn't mean those tiles have to be played in such a way for the entirety of the game.  The goal is just use up all your tiles, creating real words, in a crossword formation, first.

I read a verse recently that made me think of this game.  The beginning of the verse said, "We are his creation…"  I have been experiencing God reshaping me, reforming thought patterns and attitudes.  So when I read the words "We are His creation"  I reflected to the truth that God doesn't leave me the same.  He didn't create me and then just set me aside with a "Well, that's a good one!"  He created me with my personality, gifting, abilities and leanings, and He created me with a plan in mind.  And I am a sinful being. I've skewed what God intended.  I've misunderstood His directions; I've disobeyed His commands; I've demanded my own way;  I've sought to make myself god in place of God Himself.  And just like I move letters around so that I can better use all the letters I have in my bananagram, God moves things around in my life so that all I've been given can be used to the best advantage.  My bananagram puzzle rarely stays exactly the same, and thankfully God doesn't leave me be either. 

The verse that I recently read is a familiar verse: Ephesians 2:10  "For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."  When I normally encounter this verse I'm captured by the idea that God is creating me to be a masterpiece that I lose some of the nuance of the process… like the reshaping, retooling, and restructuring.  I sadly admit that I have tended to view it  more like a beauty makeover, some new hair dye, a great haircut, better clothes and WOW! (That sounds so superficial, so temporary.  I'm liking the idea of being a bananagram more and more!)

When I recently read this verse it was part of a devotional and it was in a different translation than I normally read.  I'm familiar with the translation used, but this verse read as something I had never read before. "For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them." (Holman Christian Standard Bible).  When seen side by side with the "masterpiece" version, I see the similarity. Beyond seeing God reworking my life like a bananagram, I was struck by the phrase "so that we should walk in them."  My normal concept that there is a list of good works that I’m supposed to do, and I check them off as I go, didn't seem to fit as well.  God is rearranging, restructuring me so that I will live out a pattern of good works.  This pattern of good work habits fit me: who I am, how I'm gifted, the way I'm wired, what I enjoy.  My life's bananagram will look different than yours; there isn't a magical list of good works for every one to do that then qualifies one to be a masterpiece.  God wants me to walk in the behaviors that honor Him with the individual bananagram tiles that make up who I am.  God blessed my soul with the assurance that my patterns of good works honor Him: sending home-made cards; writing; supporting and encouraging my husband's pastoral ministry; participating with our church's worship team by playing my instrument; working with the teens; continuously seeking out ways to encourage, equip and empower; opening my home for a small group  … and more.

My soul needed what God provided.  I'm hard on myself.  I tend to compare myself to others, and when I think of the whole masterpiece idea, I perceive others to have more of a true masterpiece life.  God re-framed my concept of that precious verse.  He reminded my heart that He wants me to use all the different pieces He's given me.  I'm my own little puzzle being created.  My bananagram isn't to  be compared to another's puzzle, the words evaluated and ranked.  The goal is to complete the puzzle using all one has been given.  God has blessed me and shown me a new way to free myself from the comparison trap.  I AM God's masterpiece.  I just look more like a Bananagram than a Rembrandt. And I'm okay with that. 

Thank You

I have a minor addiction to rubber stamps and I recently placed an order for new treasures.  The lady I ordered from sent me a Thank You note to let me know she appreciates my business.  It's a nice gesture.  It makes me feel great, and she is awesome about not writing on the inside of the card so that I can use the card to send to somebody else!  BONUS!

I like sending thank you notes.  When somebody spoils me, even if it's in some small way, I want them to know that my heart has been made so very happy by their generosity.  I'm learning to say thank you to my husband more consistently.  We have a freezer in the garage where we tend to pile "stuff." One day I asked him to clear it off.  I knew I would be needing to get some meat from that freezer and I didn't want to have to find a  place for all the stuff (that I identify as his…) that was on top.  The day passed and the next morning arrived and he was headed to work when I realized he had not cleared the freezer off the night before.  I whined a bit and figured I'd just have to suck it up and clear it myself.  When I went out to the garage, my sweet hubby had cleared it before heading off to work!! I quickly snapped a photo of the cleared freezer and then sent it to him with a note about how surprised and grateful I was. I believe expressed gratitude is one of those little things that encourages the giver, and reminds the receiver that we really do need each other.

Not to long ago, our church went through the book of Romans in a Sunday morning sermon series. I spent quite a bit of my time studying Romans on my own in my quiet time, and it was so rich. Romans 11:35 says, "And who has ever given to God, that he should be repaid?"  It struck me that I could never give so much to God that he would need to respond with a thank you note.  Psalms 18:3 says, "I called to the Lord who is worthy of praise…."  Hebrews 3:3 says, "For Jesus is considered worthy of more glory than Moses, just as the builder has more honor than the house." Revelation 4:11 says, "Our Lord and God, you are worthy to receive glory and honor and power, because you have created all things and by your will they exist and were created."  Revelation 5:12 states, "They said with a loud voice, Worthy is the Lamb [Jesus] who was slaughtered to receive power and riches and  wisdom and strength and honor and glory and blessing!"

The Bible, and especially the New Testament, is filled with verses that talk about believers living in such a manner as to be worthy of God's investment in their lives, worthy of the sacrifice Jesus paid. "Whoever doesn't take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:38) "Therefore I, the prisoner in the Lord, urge you to live worthy of the calling you have received," (Ephesians 4:1) "so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God." (Colossians 1:10)  When you read stories of people encountering Jesus, they often say things like "I'm not worthy to have you come under my roof." (Luke 7:6)  John the Baptist described himself as "…not worthy to untie the strap of [Jesus'] sandals…" (Luke 3:16) There is a wide discrepancy between who God is and who I am; between what God can do and what I can do; between God's holiness and my sinfulness.

There have been moments in my life when I have felt God speak the words "Thank you" to my heart.  God didn't have to say those words.  I didn't do something that He couldn't have accomplished anyway.  I didn't give Him something that He needed.  God spoke those words to me because He loves me.  He longs for me to know how much He values me, appreciates who I am, longs for me to serve Him more consistently and with greater commitment.  God speaking "Thank you" to my heart builds wonder and a heart of gratitude within me, that God Almighty, the Creator, the Holy One, my Savior, Redeemer, Provider, Father and Friend, appreciates the small gift I offer. 

As I dwell upon that thought, I realize that I am so very indebted to Him, that I should never cease to be declaring "Thank you!"  Christ not only did what must be done so that I could experience salvation, He is constantly encouraging me and strengthening me to live a life where I find fulfillment, security, satisfaction and freedom.  Jesus' grace to me is not a one time event, but a daily gifting of knowing I am wanted and accepted; I belong. He chooses me. He lavishes His love on me.  He provides for my physical needs, my emotional needs, my longings and my desires.  He invests in me, teaching me, molding me, making me new.  He's forming me to be someone so much better than I could ever have imagined.  I can not out-give God.  He owes me nothing, and yet, He continues to bless me every  morning, every afternoon, and every evening. 

My life should be a Thank you note to the one who is beyond worthy, who is so very very holy.  Nothing less. 

Truth for the Day

Today began hard.  My Marine is back in the states and I'm not with him.  Originally I thought I was going to be there and be one of those embarrassing mom's when he landed.  Life happened instead.  I had the  privilege of texting some with him yesterday when he re-entered the US zone; he needed details taken care of like getting his phone turned back on.  I didn't care that it wasn't a "Hey Mom!  Sure missed you!" type of  conversation that would make other parents envious.  I got to hear from my boy and that was enough. 

This morning I sat in my chair per usual to talk with Jesus.  My husband told me of a video that had been posted for the  private family group of our son's particular unit of all the wives and moms and dads and other relatives who had the  privilege of welcoming their Marine home.  I just cried.  I never did see him in the video.  I wept because I wanted to see him so badly.  I wanted to look into his sweet baby blues and see that little boy who has invaded my reality for so many years in so many ways. 

I read in Ephesians 6 this morning, the passage about putting on the armor of God.  The verses that grabbed me this morning were verses 19 and 20.  "Pray also for me, that the message may be given to me when I open my mouth to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel. For this I am an ambassador in chains.  Pray that I might be bold enough to speak about it as I should."  Paul was in prison, all chained up.  Just like me, he wasn't where he really wanted to be, but life had happened, so there he was.  In spite of his circumstances, Paul still knew what God had called him to do, to who God had called him to be, and he wanted to be faithful. 

God's Spirit hugged me in my disappointment AND He prodded me to not take up residence there.  God knows me well.  I've been struggling with a tingling of depression lately, and I have not always handled it as God would have wished.  I've wasted time but not in such a way as to give myself rest or relaxation so that I would be strengthened and refreshed. I've just wallowed in indecision and hid under the blanket of "no motivation."  I've spent too much energy immersed in "poor me," refusing to seek out God's strength for the moment. 

I looked back at the armor of God with fresh desperation, asking God to whisper to the pray warriors in my life to pray for me.  As I read the passage several times in different translations and searched out cross-references, God overwhelmed me with truth. 

*God wants to strengthen me (Ephesians 6:10)

*God's strength is vast (Ephesians 6:10)

*Don't go halfway with my spiritual life; put on the FULL armor (Ephesians 6:11)

*God rules over all other rulers and authorities, regardless of their dominion ((1 Peter 3:22)

*As a part of Christ's church, His body, I get to participate in schooling the rulers and authorities in the spiritual realm (Ephesians 3:10)

*I CAN resist the devil AND he is so very dangerous (Ephesians 6:13; 1 Peter 5:8,9)

*Knowing truth, God's absolute truth, enables me to stand (Ephesians 6:14)

*I may fall at times, AND I will get back up.  I AM righteous. I have been given every spiritual blessing in the heavens In Christ (Proverbs 24:16; Ephesians 1:3; Ephesians 6:14)

*I have a firm foundation: I am at peace with God Almighty. I know who I believe in and I am convinced He will protect me and my relationship with Him (Ephesians 6:13; 2 Timothy 1:12)

*God is my shield.  My faith in Him is  based on who He is and all He can do whether I totally understand it or not. There is no need to be afraid (Genesis 15:1; Ephesians 6:16)

*I can be assured of God's Salvation. I can defeat the lies Satan tempts me with because my faith isn't based on human wisdom but on the power of God Himself. I belong to the day, salvation is my hope and destination because of God's faithfulness and love. (Ephesians 6:17; 1 Corinthians 2:5; 1 Thessalonians 5:8)

*I fight off the enemy with the truth in God's Word, the encouragement I find in scripture, the strength and stability that are found in His  promises (Ephesians 6:17; Romans 15:4; 2 Corinthians 1:20-22)

*God wants to fight with me, journey with me, be with me through every battle.  I'm not left to handle it on my own, His Spirit wants to continuously commune with my spirit, leading and guiding and empowering. The Lord is near (Ephesians 6:18; Philippians 4:5-7; Jude 20,21)

God pointed out one more thing to me.  He led me to focus on the phrase "God's armor."  As I mediated on those two words, God's Spirit rose up powerful.  The battle I may face today emotionally, or the battle that you face today at work, in a relationship, with your own personal demons, is not fought by us alone.  It is GOD'S armor, GOD'S battle, GOD'S victory.  We are GOD'S soldiers, GOD'S ambassadors.  This isn't about figuring out how to be better, or stronger, or more holy.  This is about relying completely on the Lord of Lords and King of Kings.  And He has prepared me today for battle with His truth.  The Lord is near.  Hallelujah.