As I sit in my chair, glancing out my window at tulips longing to open, I am caught by the idea that I also am waiting. I am waiting for "the perfect life." My heart lonqs for it, my prayers beg God for it, my daily activities all attempt to either create the perfect life or lead me closer to its acquisition.
So many seemingly random thoughts flit in and out of my conscious thought as I attempt to assimilate all the variables in my comptemplation. I am not longing for the "House Beautiful home" to give my life an element of perfection -though I admit I spend quite a bit of time on how my home looks! (Somehow new furniture creates space for more new furniture. Go figure!) I am not longing to be rich and famous-though I work to make my business profitable and I am a bit addicted to accolades. I am not longing to reign as Americas Next Top Model or Mrs. Universe -though I am conscious of my weight, pay someone to hide my grey hair, and I am guilty of buying yet another dress / blouse / pair of jeans/ skirt / scarf / belt / pair of shoes .... you get the idea. I long for my children to have marvelous lives of their own AND I want them to be freakishly close to me. I long to always be vacationing somewhere (without fear of cost) AND I want to admired for what I "do." I want to be appropriately thin (I am not freakish on this) AND I want to eat whatever I want (another bowl of ice cream, please.)
Perhaps I am not as much waiting as I am caught. I am trapped between an ideal, a dream, and what actually is.
AND I live with hope; hope that the perfect life is coming. I believe it is, with all my heart, mind and imagination - I believe.
And I contemplate. I know that the perfect life that is coming is Christ. I know that the perfect life is spent in the throne room of God Almighty, joining with the throng as we sing Holy, Holy, Holy! I contemplate and I struggle to truly see. I just can't quite grasp it. But I can see the tulips out my front window and I marvel at their beauty. I am comforted by their reminder of fresh, new life. I am amazed by how the Holy Spirit uses them to remind me of God's promised perfect life. I am humbled that God blesses me with tulips and His fragrant presence.
And I choose to live this day in hope; longing for what I can't always comprehend, believing God can be trusted. Glory to the King!
