I'm afraid of spiders. I'm also afraid of swinging bridges, the big drops on roller coasters, wearing a bikini, selling things door to door, and snakes. Definitely snakes. I'm not afraid of speaking in public, going to a new city, or bears in the woods, but that last one is probably because I've never encountered a bear in the woods. When my children were little, we went to Yellowstone and I was very afraid my young adventurous son would fall into a hot springs. When he was much older we vacationed at Bryce Canyon in Southern Utah. That sweet lad, knowing I had this tremor of fear where he was concerned, would go to every look-out point and hang over the railing. I had to turn away -- Every. Single. Time.
I don't generally qualify myself as fearful. I'm usually blissfully unaware and happy to stay in my peaceful little perception of things. It just makes life simpler, easier. Recently though I've become more aware of my tremblings that hide deep beneath my surface. It all began with a nasty black ice experience. I was fine during and immediately following the actual accident. Getting back into the car and driving long distances didn't send me into a fearful state. Driving through questionable weather conditions gave me some concern, but driving with more caution then my typical pedal to the metal style alleviated my dilemma. When my husband had to drive through questionable weather conditions, and I was home alone -- that's when those tremblings surfaced and I came face to face with fear. I realized on that particular afternoon that I was afraid of what my life would be like if he was all of a sudden gone. I was afraid of what my life would be like if my husband became different then how I knew him; if he was changed physically, mentally or emotionally. I realized I was afraid of having to bear the majority of the responsibility, of being the one to make decisions -- of being alone.
I have read those verses that say "don't be afraid." They have made sense to me in a totally intellectual sort of way. They have never been verses I tended to memorize or write on 3x5 cards to place where I will always see. I haven't felt as if I had a fear problem. I love how faithful God is, because just as I began to see the level of fear I was denying in myself, God was revealing truth from His Word.
I had been reading in Ephesians and I was spending time in Ephesians 6 where Paul talks about the Armour of God. The New Century Version for verse 15 reads like this: "On your feet wear the good news of peace to help you stand strong." It's not one of those "do not be afraid" verses but God reminded me of a couple of things.
First of all, the Holy Spirit reminded me that God's good news of peace is to be foundational to my every day life. The truth that God sent His Son to pay the penalty for my sin brings me to a position of peace with God. I can have a relationship with the Creator and controller of the Universe. This fact alone, that I've got a Really Big God on my side, every single day, should emblazon me to live life on the edge! I am guaranteed eternal life! I am promised provision, wisdom, righteousness and unconditional love!
Secondly this peace is to help me stand strong. God's peace is stabilizing -- just like the hiking boots I purchased after a bad sprained ankle. God's peace strengthens where I am weak and enables me to go where I need to go. Regardless of where I walk, no matter the circumstances I may journey through, the truth that God will go to great lengths to give me peace instills within me confidence and assurance that this all powerful, all seeing, all knowing God is in control and on my side. God always wins and I'm wearing his hiking boots.
I was discussing this idea of God meeting me in my fear with a friend today at lunch. I told her that I was learning that regardless of what may happen in life, I was choosing to believe God is good, even in the face of fear. She wisely said, "and that whatever He chooses is good." She is right. God may choose to allow me to journey through circumstances that I wouldn't label as good. And yet, God IS good, and He always has a plan that is for my best. If life was always perfect, we wouldn't need armor, now would we? 1 John 4:18 says, "...perfect love drives out fear..." God loves me perfectly. I can trust Him and His goodness. I just need to put on my holy hiking boots and allow His peace to stabilize me. No fear. Just Jesus.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Friday, January 15, 2016
Light Bulb
I love the movie Despicable Me, and even Despicable Me 2! I am charmed and entertained when I watch it, and periodically, I discover myself in the midst of all the shenanigans. This morning I had a "Dru moment." No, I didn't begin an evil plot, nor did I, sadly, discover minions to do my bidding. Periodically, in either movie, Dru has that ideal thought that puts things in place for him, and he says, "light bulb!" I had a light bulb moment this morning. Thoughts, concepts, ideas and truths merged for me as I spent time in God's Word. I was reading 1 John 4 and God's precious Holy Spirit flipped a switch for me!
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Guard rails
I have come to a deep appreciation for guard rails. They aren't very attractive mind you, and at times I wonder why they are there in a particular spot. I am stating here and now though, my total, complete and committed vote for guard rails. I have also become a fan of Fish and Game officers. I know, an odd combination: guard rails and Fish and Game guys, and yet, they will forever be tied together in my memory.
My husband and I had traveled to visit our daughter and bonus-son for the time between Christmas and New Years. We attended church on Sunday morning and then crawled into our truck for the 6 hour drive home. We made it about 2 hours and then decided to take a detour on the black ice adventure route. As the truck began to spin, I remember my husband say, "hold on!" Round and round is not much fun unless you are in teacups at Disneyland. We hit the guard rail solid and flat on my side, bounced off and then went round again to hit on his side and then stopped. We were right next to the guard rail, on the shoulder, but facing the wrong way. Without the guard rail, we'd have gone down a steep embankment, possibly rolling the vehicle. Love those guard rails.
Have you ever really looked at a guard rail? Those posts appear to be 4x4, with a 4x4 piece attached that the guard rail is attached to as well. The screw ends are LARGE, so I'm assuming the screw itself goes through the metal and both pieces of wood. I call that a serious screw. The posts are not spaced haphazardly. They give the metal rail strong stability, without it being a cement wall. They aren't Princess Pretty, but oh are they powerfully practical and providentially prodigious.
The first officer on the scene was a Fish and Game officer. The highways were bad and when the highway patrol and sheriff's office gets overwhelmed, the Fish and Game department helps out. He couldn't fix our car, he couldn't tell us if we were going to get a ticket or not, nor could he tell us how long we would wait to be rescued. He was so very kind and understanding. He came to make sure we were okay. Just as I am a bit amazed by my guard rail fascination, I am also struck by how overwhelmed I become when thinking of the Fish and Game guy and how incredibly nice and kind he was.
There's so many little things that happened over the next 24-48 hours. But the guard rail and the Fish and Game officer resonate with me over and over. God allowed the truck to spin. Life is like that. Sometimes things just get out of control, and we get to go along for the ride. Then God places a guard rail and circumstances come to a complete halt. It's jolting and scary, AND also wondrous and comforting. At one point, as we waited for help, I looked at my husband and said, "my pastor would say, 'God isn't surprised by this.'" My husband, the pastor, smiled at me, because we knew it to be true. Even as we wait to hear the insurance company's decree on our vehicle, we know God sees us, and is not surprised by anything that seems to still be spinning. Guard rails now remind me that God is good even when it's hard, and that He is always big enough to handle whatever seems out of control from my perspective. The Fish and Game officer reminded me how just a little bit of kindness goes such a very long way. I don't know anything about fish or game, but I do understand kindness. And on that afternoon, that gentleman was Jesus to us in the most simplistic way. I can do that. I can be kind, even if I really can't change a circumstance or offer any substantial assistance. Kindness can often be just what is needed.
Wet roads currently make me extremely cautious. I often feel like I'm going to burst into tears. I don't like letting my husband out of sight for a long period of time. And I know the presence and peace of God Almighty. Sometimes God comes disguised as a guard rail or a Fish and Game officer. I'm good with that.
My husband and I had traveled to visit our daughter and bonus-son for the time between Christmas and New Years. We attended church on Sunday morning and then crawled into our truck for the 6 hour drive home. We made it about 2 hours and then decided to take a detour on the black ice adventure route. As the truck began to spin, I remember my husband say, "hold on!" Round and round is not much fun unless you are in teacups at Disneyland. We hit the guard rail solid and flat on my side, bounced off and then went round again to hit on his side and then stopped. We were right next to the guard rail, on the shoulder, but facing the wrong way. Without the guard rail, we'd have gone down a steep embankment, possibly rolling the vehicle. Love those guard rails.
Have you ever really looked at a guard rail? Those posts appear to be 4x4, with a 4x4 piece attached that the guard rail is attached to as well. The screw ends are LARGE, so I'm assuming the screw itself goes through the metal and both pieces of wood. I call that a serious screw. The posts are not spaced haphazardly. They give the metal rail strong stability, without it being a cement wall. They aren't Princess Pretty, but oh are they powerfully practical and providentially prodigious.
The first officer on the scene was a Fish and Game officer. The highways were bad and when the highway patrol and sheriff's office gets overwhelmed, the Fish and Game department helps out. He couldn't fix our car, he couldn't tell us if we were going to get a ticket or not, nor could he tell us how long we would wait to be rescued. He was so very kind and understanding. He came to make sure we were okay. Just as I am a bit amazed by my guard rail fascination, I am also struck by how overwhelmed I become when thinking of the Fish and Game guy and how incredibly nice and kind he was.
There's so many little things that happened over the next 24-48 hours. But the guard rail and the Fish and Game officer resonate with me over and over. God allowed the truck to spin. Life is like that. Sometimes things just get out of control, and we get to go along for the ride. Then God places a guard rail and circumstances come to a complete halt. It's jolting and scary, AND also wondrous and comforting. At one point, as we waited for help, I looked at my husband and said, "my pastor would say, 'God isn't surprised by this.'" My husband, the pastor, smiled at me, because we knew it to be true. Even as we wait to hear the insurance company's decree on our vehicle, we know God sees us, and is not surprised by anything that seems to still be spinning. Guard rails now remind me that God is good even when it's hard, and that He is always big enough to handle whatever seems out of control from my perspective. The Fish and Game officer reminded me how just a little bit of kindness goes such a very long way. I don't know anything about fish or game, but I do understand kindness. And on that afternoon, that gentleman was Jesus to us in the most simplistic way. I can do that. I can be kind, even if I really can't change a circumstance or offer any substantial assistance. Kindness can often be just what is needed.
Wet roads currently make me extremely cautious. I often feel like I'm going to burst into tears. I don't like letting my husband out of sight for a long period of time. And I know the presence and peace of God Almighty. Sometimes God comes disguised as a guard rail or a Fish and Game officer. I'm good with that.
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