Disneyland and Water-heaters

My husband and I have been saving to go to Disneyland.  Our son lives near San Diego and he suggested one day that we should come visit him and then we could all go to Disneyland.  We decided our son had a grand idea and we began to squirrel away finances so we could go hang with our son and Mickey.  We had originally thought we would go on our grand adventure in the fall.  Instead, our son came home on leave for his birthday.  A wonderful trade off, so we began to contemplate going in early December: in time to see Disneyland decked out for Christmas, but before the Christmas crowds took over. 

We knew our water heater was old. We had actually been aware for a year or two that a new water heater was in our future.  We had noticed before we left town for Labor Day that it was leaking more than "a bit."  We turned the water off before we left town to avoid coming home to a flood.  One would think this would cause us to realize a new water heater was coming so much sooner than later.  My husband invested time in checking out home warranty programs and we began discussing if we were cheating the companies because we knew our water heater was on it's last leg.  My husband's job got busy and the home warranty program got put on the back burner, after all, we still had hot showers every morning.  Note:  my husband is not normally a put-stuff-off person; that is all me!  I thought about the water heater because I'm in the laundry room, where it is located, on a regular basis.  He truly was overwhelmed by activities at work, and the water heater was not on his mind. I on the other hand just thought "it's still working, because I still have hot water!"

I was doing laundry yesterday and I was running up and down the stairs barefoot.  I noticed a section of carpet that was oddly wet.  Not wet like the dog drooled, or wet like I spilled some of my coffee, but  "eww! This is WET!" wet.  I noticed that on the other side of the wall from the wet area was the suffering water heater.  I called my husband with this message: "I think we have a bigger problem with our water heater than we thought."

We are getting a new hot water heater today.  It may cost us our trip to Disneyland.  There is a part of me that is disappointed.  I would love to go to Disneyland, it is one of my favorite places to go.  I also really appreciate a continuous supply of hot water.  As my husband and I looked over our finances he commented that God was providing the finances to cover the cost of the hot water heater.  We don't need to take a loan.  We can pay for it and not touch our savings. God is good.  We may just not go to Disneyland.  And God is still good. 

My enjoyment of life is not dependent on fun vacations.  Nor is it dependent on having hot water for my shower, the laundry and/or the dishes.  Romans 12:12 says, "Rejoice in our confident hope.  Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." (NLT) Rejoice in our confident hope:  have joy over the truth that Jesus has paid the penalty price for all of the messed up things I've done, and He has given me a ticket that gets me into His presence -- every day, and for all of eternity; have joy over the truth that I don't journey this life alone, He is always with me; have joy over the truth that He provides peace when I trust Him and follow His lead in obedience.  I CAN rejoice for every hope I have: to be loved, to be wanted, to be considered valuable, to belong, to live life with purpose, to have reasons to laugh and enjoy life can all be found in the person of Jesus, living life with Him and honoring Him.

I have a new hot water-heater.  I may or may not go to Disneyland.  And I rejoice for I have a confident hope; life is good, for I know that God is good, all the time.

Anxiety Pressed

I've spent the last several weeks being anxious.  I'm not normally a worry type of person, but I let some circumstances over which I have little to no control eat at me.  I talked briefly with my husband concerning one circumstance last night and I just ended up getting frustrated and angry.  Perhaps I wasn't hearing what I wanted to hear, or I wasn't explaining myself well, or I was wanting to wallow more where I shouldn't be residing. This morning, God spoke clearly to me.  I was refreshed by the idea that God's timing is perfect because today is a crux day.  For couple of my anxiety points, today is a today I need to make a decision, take an action, get busy. 

The first verse I read was Philippians 1:6 "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."  I had actually read this verse yesterday, but it didn't register that I had.  I didn’t catch what God was trying to say to me, but today, today I was more desperate.  Today I saw in the verse that God hasn't given up on me, that He is still perfecting me, and since He is still working, He is with me.

Next, I read 2 Corinthians 12:10 "That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." Let me be clear, I am not being persecuted or insulted. My struggles are a combination of 'just life' and 'of my own making.'  That said, "the struggle is real." As I read the verse, knowing that God hasn't given up on me (in spite of my selfish anxiety) and that He is with me while also working on me, I was encouraged by the idea that when I reached the end of whatever I can do in my own strength, with my limited abilities, God's power and strength steps in.  When I wrote something to that effect in my journal, it was almost as if I could hear God sigh.  I was missing the point again, no wonder I had been anxious.  I had been trying to deal with my circumstances all on my own, and using God as my "back up."  God doesn't want to be my back up, God wants to be my everything. 

God drove His lesson home to my soul with the last thing I read:  2 Corinthians 13:5-10.  I had a difficult time getting past verse 5, "Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine."  Ouch.  I began to write questions to myself: Do I believe God is big enough to give me peace and contentment regardless of my circumstance? Do I believe God is powerful enough, capable enough to provide what my heart longs for most? Do I believe God's peace is strong enough to cover my fears? Am I willing to be uncomfortable and trust that God will provide the necessary time, inner strength and peace, finances, and a way for me to get over myself?

There was more that God spoke to me as I continued to read His Word.  God was gentle but firm.  He met me with clarity and hope. And then I began to wonder: Had God really not shown up before today?  Had God allowed me be anxious?  I took the time to look back at my quiet time journal, going back two weeks to the day.  The first thing I read was a verse I had copied down,  Psalm 27:7-8 "Hear me as I pray, O Lord.  Be merciful and answer me!  My heart has heard you say, 'Come and talk with me.' and my heart responds  'Lord, I am coming.' "   Again: Ouch.  On the same day I wrote down a variety of notes and responses:  you will always harvest what you plant;  whenever you have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone; I try too hard to protect myself and my comfort zone; focus on the blessings God gives me; God wants to be with me. He sees me with value. He wants to use me, form me; God is listening. 

I didn't need to read any more of my journal.  God had been speaking to my heart all along. God had invited me to pour out my heart, with all it's concerns, to Him.  He is always waiting to listen to me, advise me, sit with me.  God had forewarned me that I would harvest what I planted, and yet I had continued to plant doubt, and selfishness in my heart and mind. God had challenged me to step outside myself and focus on "doing good,"  to see the blessings that He provides and recognize that He truly takes care of my every need.  He reminded me, as He graciously does so often, that He loves me, He sees me as His valuable, treasured Princess and He has a glorious purpose for how He has created me.

God knows exactly what pushes me outside my comfort zone and what leads me to be anxious.  God also knows the vastness of my own selfishness, even when I try to deny it or rationalize it away.  God is, thankfully, so amazingly patient with me, even when the lesson He is trying to teach me needs remediation.  No circumstance is beyond the presence of God.  I need to listen in obedience and do what He asks of me for my benefit, and for His glory and the fulfillment of His purposes.  Anxiety denied, the peace of God is reigning today.  Hallelujah.