The "UGH Zone"

More than 6 months ago I came to grips with the reality that I needed to lose some weight.  I had gotten in the habit of snacking too much, and eating more of the things that are not the best for me at meals.  I began a diet and I was faithful.  I stuck to the plan, I made wise choices, I created better habits.  I hit a plateau when I had three pounds left to lose. 

I entered the "UGH! Zone."

I lost a pound, I gained two. I lost a pound, I gained a pound.  I lost two pounds, I gained a pound.  I lost a pound, I gained three pounds….  Up and down, up and down, never hitting the desired "goal weight."  I began to get bored with the whole dieting process, and I allowed myself treats more often.  I was still choosing wisely at meals so I didn't just add on all the pounds I lost.  I remained in the "UGH! Zone";  close enough to my goal weight to believe I was still going to make it, but far enough away to not close the deal. 

At one point, I endured a colonoscopy, and for 24 hours I hit my goal weight.  I hoped that I would gain a pound and then be able to hit the goal weight for good. Nope.  I gained three back within 24-48 hours and the "UGH Zone" continued.  Taste bud boredom reintroduced bread.  My son's visit home reintroduced M&M's to the cookie jar. A holiday with friends reintroduced ice cream into my freezer.   A few days ago I got on the scale to have an updated measuring point and I am now facing the reality that I have 5 pounds to lose. 

Considering I have already lost about 15 pounds, five more pounds is definitely doable, AND I'm tired of working to get rid of those pesky pounds.  I am no longer seeing my goal as positive and healthy and doable.  I'm struggling with feeling tired, unsuccessful, and defeated.   Why is this whole process so hard?!

I admit, I don't want to eat healthy, I want to eat where my whim takes me.  AND I want to give the appearance of being healthy.  My husband would comment, "that'll preach."  How many times do I treat my relationship with God like that?  I want the benefit of having a close relationship with the Creator of the Universe AND I want to live selfishly.  Ouch. 

Just like I can't rely on a diet to fix all my health issues, I can't rely on a weekend retreat now and then, or periodic church services or listening to the Christian radio station to compensate for not making the daily choice to enter into God's presence.  I need to be gaining wisdom while I read the Bible, leaning in to hear the Holy Spirit reveal truth, hope and peace.  I need to be sitting at the feet of Jesus praying: telling Him of my love and gratitude, and then listening as He speaks love and gratitude to me; sharing my joys and sorrows,  and then listening for what is giving Him joy and what is making Him weep; expressing my doubts and concerns and then listening for His assurance, wisdom, and direction. 

When it comes to my whole dieting scenario, I need to be choosing to be committed to being the healthiest I can be so I can live life fully. It has to be more than just being able to fit comfortably into my favorite jeans again.  When it comes to my relationship with God, I need to be choosing to be committed to knowing Christ intimately, becoming united with Him in attitude, worship, perspective and purpose. It's more than having a bit of Jesus now and then; more than being friendly when we happen to bump into each other at church or while an encouraging song plays on the radio. Does that sound tough? Too hard? Too much of a cost?  Perhaps.

I have been learning to speak truth to my self.  Truth that is based on scripture.  Truth about who God is, who I am in Christ, what Christ longs for me. I've discovered that I often want to rely on cultural truth, and buy into the ideas of worldly comfort and success because they feel good.  AND I've discovered that cultural truths have a tendency to focus on me, creating within me a strong leaning toward selfishness that is not God honoring.  Speaking Biblical truth to myself strengthens my faith and my trust in a God who loves me unfailingly even when His ways seem to go against cultural norms.  I need to honestly say that sometimes the cost is hard, but it is never too much.  The trade off that I receive for my obedience, for choosing to live as a servant to the Most High King, is exquisitely satisfying.

I probably need to speak truth to myself about what I am actually choosing to eat on any given day.  If I don't I may remain  be in the "UGH Zone" of my diet, struggling with what is not being accomplished. And I am grateful that Jesus has accomplished such a work in me that there is no "UGH Zone" in my relationship with Him. 

Hallelujah!