No Place Like Home

I have spent quite a bit of time in Psalm 90 recently.  I read a portion of it months ago and one particular verse grabbed my heart and spoke to me.  I had no idea of the actual context of the verse, but it became a jumping off point for me in this years Mother's Day sermon.  I studied the Psalm:  I read it in different versions; I did word studies; I researched cross-references; I contemplated a variety of commentaries.  I discovered there is A LOT to Psalm 90.  There are so many different ideas and challenges one can pull from this rich prayer. I can't say how many times I have read the whole Psalm, but enough to think that not much would grab my attention within it for another 6 months or more.  It has just become so familiar to me. 

The other morning I read through the Psalm yet again, in The Passion Translation, praying that God would reveal Himself and keep the passage fresh.  I got to the second verse, yup, just the second verse and the phrase "the one and only true God" stopped me in my reading. The Holy Spirit prodded my spirit and I wrote down this statement: "How easy it is to get distracted by other things and see them as "god." 

What?  Where did that come from?  That has nothing to do with what I had been focusing on!  It connects with all I've been researching and studying and yet it still isn't in the main vein of where I had felt God leading.  Then came the a-ha:  oh. this is for me. 

I begin to  process the phrase from the verse and the statement provided by God's Holy Spirit.  I made some notes related to the "other things" I get distracted by:  I give them a weight or importance they don't deserve; I talk about these things as if they should have weight or impact for others;  I spend too much time focusing on them, thinking about them; I work and adjust my schedule to find more time and ways to enjoy these distractions; I spend money on them; I rationalize them by labeling them hobbies, or a fun interest, or a side-hustle.  I realized that these "other things," move from a blessing, to a distraction to something that consumes me and then God gets pushed aside. 

THE God, the One and Only TRUE God, is described in Psalm 90:1 as my "eternal home, [my] hiding place… (TPT translation).  Think about that: God is my home, God is your home.  If God is my home, then He should be the One I am rushing toward when I'm ready to escape any stress I face.  If God is my home, then it is with Him that I am most myself, most relaxed, most with my guard down.  If God is my home, then I take pride in caring for Him, improving the relationship I have with Him, updating our relationship and keeping it continually current.  If God is my home, He is the place I hide from everything that causes me pain and fear.  If God is my home, I am with Him everyday; we spend time together, hanging out, relaxing.  If God is my home, He is where I go to be refreshed and restored every day when I'm done with the work I must do.  If God is really my home, perhaps I would be less distracted by other things. 

It's hard to make God my home when I'm not convicted and convinced He is the One and Only True God.  When I am anchored in the truth of the reality of who God is, He naturally is given the place of honor in my life that He deserves and I find in Him my rest and my peace.  He becomes home.  When I am consciously aware that God is the Almighty, the Sovereign Creator, then I lean into giving him my time, my energy, my finances and my first commitment over the enjoyable but temporary things of this world.  He becomes home.  When my heart and soul willingly submit, longing to please, honor and delight God alone,  God overtakes me and God as my home becomes tangible-- hands-on real. 

There are many good and worthwhile things that can become a distraction for me.  Often they are the very abilities and activities God challenges me to use to minister His love and grace to others.  It is so tender to me that God wants more than just busy-ness from me.  He wants to overwhelm my life with the wonder of who He is and all He is to me and in me and through me. I am humbled by His goodness as He calls me to deeper intimacy with Him, the One and Only True God. 

My street address is found in Ontario, Oregon.  First Peter 2:9-11 tells me I am God's chosen treasure, God claims me as His own, I am included with God's people and I am a resident alien and foreigner here on this earth.  I think I need to spend more time at Home.

The "UGH Zone"

More than 6 months ago I came to grips with the reality that I needed to lose some weight.  I had gotten in the habit of snacking too much, and eating more of the things that are not the best for me at meals.  I began a diet and I was faithful.  I stuck to the plan, I made wise choices, I created better habits.  I hit a plateau when I had three pounds left to lose. 

I entered the "UGH! Zone."

I lost a pound, I gained two. I lost a pound, I gained a pound.  I lost two pounds, I gained a pound.  I lost a pound, I gained three pounds….  Up and down, up and down, never hitting the desired "goal weight."  I began to get bored with the whole dieting process, and I allowed myself treats more often.  I was still choosing wisely at meals so I didn't just add on all the pounds I lost.  I remained in the "UGH! Zone";  close enough to my goal weight to believe I was still going to make it, but far enough away to not close the deal. 

At one point, I endured a colonoscopy, and for 24 hours I hit my goal weight.  I hoped that I would gain a pound and then be able to hit the goal weight for good. Nope.  I gained three back within 24-48 hours and the "UGH Zone" continued.  Taste bud boredom reintroduced bread.  My son's visit home reintroduced M&M's to the cookie jar. A holiday with friends reintroduced ice cream into my freezer.   A few days ago I got on the scale to have an updated measuring point and I am now facing the reality that I have 5 pounds to lose. 

Considering I have already lost about 15 pounds, five more pounds is definitely doable, AND I'm tired of working to get rid of those pesky pounds.  I am no longer seeing my goal as positive and healthy and doable.  I'm struggling with feeling tired, unsuccessful, and defeated.   Why is this whole process so hard?!

I admit, I don't want to eat healthy, I want to eat where my whim takes me.  AND I want to give the appearance of being healthy.  My husband would comment, "that'll preach."  How many times do I treat my relationship with God like that?  I want the benefit of having a close relationship with the Creator of the Universe AND I want to live selfishly.  Ouch. 

Just like I can't rely on a diet to fix all my health issues, I can't rely on a weekend retreat now and then, or periodic church services or listening to the Christian radio station to compensate for not making the daily choice to enter into God's presence.  I need to be gaining wisdom while I read the Bible, leaning in to hear the Holy Spirit reveal truth, hope and peace.  I need to be sitting at the feet of Jesus praying: telling Him of my love and gratitude, and then listening as He speaks love and gratitude to me; sharing my joys and sorrows,  and then listening for what is giving Him joy and what is making Him weep; expressing my doubts and concerns and then listening for His assurance, wisdom, and direction. 

When it comes to my whole dieting scenario, I need to be choosing to be committed to being the healthiest I can be so I can live life fully. It has to be more than just being able to fit comfortably into my favorite jeans again.  When it comes to my relationship with God, I need to be choosing to be committed to knowing Christ intimately, becoming united with Him in attitude, worship, perspective and purpose. It's more than having a bit of Jesus now and then; more than being friendly when we happen to bump into each other at church or while an encouraging song plays on the radio. Does that sound tough? Too hard? Too much of a cost?  Perhaps.

I have been learning to speak truth to my self.  Truth that is based on scripture.  Truth about who God is, who I am in Christ, what Christ longs for me. I've discovered that I often want to rely on cultural truth, and buy into the ideas of worldly comfort and success because they feel good.  AND I've discovered that cultural truths have a tendency to focus on me, creating within me a strong leaning toward selfishness that is not God honoring.  Speaking Biblical truth to myself strengthens my faith and my trust in a God who loves me unfailingly even when His ways seem to go against cultural norms.  I need to honestly say that sometimes the cost is hard, but it is never too much.  The trade off that I receive for my obedience, for choosing to live as a servant to the Most High King, is exquisitely satisfying.

I probably need to speak truth to myself about what I am actually choosing to eat on any given day.  If I don't I may remain  be in the "UGH Zone" of my diet, struggling with what is not being accomplished. And I am grateful that Jesus has accomplished such a work in me that there is no "UGH Zone" in my relationship with Him. 

Hallelujah!

Happy Birthday

Today is the birthday of my firstborn.  There have been many things about that day that I have forgotten in 29 years, and there are some things that will stay with me forever. She was beautiful the day she was born, and is beautiful now, 29 years later.  She and I are officially the same age now, 29. I have much experience in this season of life, so much to share with her. 

I originally hadn't planned on having children.  To be honest, I find children adorable and quite frightening if I'm left entirely alone with them.  To think that I would birth such a miracle and have to take it home with me, to care for, raise, keep fed and safe was something to make me hyperventilate.  And then something happened.  A switch was thrown, and I let my husband know that I wanted one of those soft, cuddly humans that scared me to death.  Longing overcame fear and God gave me the gift of a delightful, beautiful daughter. 

She has taught me much, as all children do to their parents.  God originally said to procreate and fill the earth, but I wonder at times if He knew that children were the perfect tool to form His people more and more into His image.  She demonstrated the marvel of how God created us in those months  of learning to roll, and sit, and crawl, and stand and then walk.  She reminded me of the wonder of the world and of learning as she toddled about.  She taught me to seek the face of God for wisdom and  patience when her first child tendencies exhibited themselves.  She revealed to me the delight of worship and unfailing love when she would give me those amazing chubby arm hugs.  She enabled me to see how the tradition of going to church was fascinating, marvelous and a precious homecoming every week when she started looking for churches to attend while we would be on vacation. She uncovered my own fears and insecurities when she would struggle and weep.  As I sought to comfort and guide her, God comforted and guided me. 

God astounds me as he gives me gifts I ask for, especially when I have no clue what I'm really asking. I am grateful that I didn't know what I was asking; I may have rescinded my prayer.  Instead, I was given a precious measure of joy that is beyond anything I can imagine  or express --even now, 29 years after the gift was given.  I continue to be thankful as she continues to teach me more about life and the God who loves us both so much. 

Happy Birthday baby girl. I love you.