God's Generosity

Don't you love it when someone is generous to you?  Perhaps someone pays for your coffee when you go through the drive through. Perhaps you are surprised with a bouquet of spring flowers. Perhaps someone in your house actually loads the dishwasher, runs it, and then unloads it without being asked! I am a firm believer in the idea that life is enriched when, in the middle of every day activities, someone acts generously toward someone else.  I believe both people are impacted, and God smiles.

I read the parable of the vineyard workers the other morning in my time with Jesus.  It's a familiar story to me. A group  of workers are hired in the morning to work in a vineyard.  They make an agreement with the vineyard owner that they will work the entire day for one denarius, basically a typical day's wage.   The vineyard owner goes back to the marketplace several times during the day and finds more people to work in his vineyard and he sends them out to his field.  He does that almost up to quitting time.  At the end of the day, all the workers are paid.  They are all paid the same wage; every worker received the one denarius, regardless of the time of day they started.  As one expects, the initial group of workers hired feel they are treated unfairly.  They state the truth that they worked all day out in the sun and heat.  Their argument is that surely they should be compensated with a slightly higher wage.  The vineyard owner reminds them that they agreed to work the whole day in the sun and heat for one denarius.  The wage they received is fair. The vineyard owner says, "Friend, I'm doing you no wrong. Didn't you agree with me on a denarius? Take what's yours and go. I want to give this last man the same as I gave you.  Don't I have the right to do what I want with what is mine?  Are you jealous because I am generous?"

I saw myself in those workers. I remembered a number of times I have had a similar conversation with God.  'Why is someone younger than me having such success?  I've put in my dues, why am I still struggling to achieve the dreams I have?'  'Why didn't that opportunity come to me Lord?  I've been faithful!  Why was that person chosen?'  'I'm available Lord! Why aren't you using me in the ways I've been wired?  I keep offering myself. Why do I feel left on the shelf?'  Have you ever been there? 

I stared at the words, "Are you jealous because I'm generous?"  I had to honestly answer with a whispered "yes."  The Holy Spirit began to remind me of Biblical truth: ALL good gifts come from God; He is Sovereign, so He has the right to do what He wants with what is His; He is all wise, so He knows what is best for each person; He is the Landowner, so it's all about Him and not about me; God is faithful and He has generously provided salvation, peace, joy and eternity in His presence; God is love and He loves me with an overwhelming, excessive love.  With each truth brought to mind I began to realize how very generous God has been and continues to be to me.  The problem doesn't lie with God. The problem lies with me.

Mark 7:21 and 22 says, "For from within, out of people's hearts come evil thoughts, sexual immoralities, thefts, murders, adulteries, greed, evil actions, deceit, self-indulgence, envy, slander, pride and foolishness." I admit I have a tendency to skim over verses like these because they begin with behaviors and habits that don't describe me.  I haven't felt murderous since I shared a room with my sister, and I'm truly too fearful of the risk of being caught to ever steal something.  It's the concepts at the end of the list that stick it to me: greed, self-indulgence, envy, slander, pride and foolishness.  Comfort and ease is my Achilles heel and they encourage my selfishness to grab control where I have no business being in charge. Thankfully I also find myself in Ephesians 2:10, "For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do."  Sadly I make more work for the Holy Spirit when I get my eyes on what I perceive I deserve.  I imagine that God has had to be very creative in forming a masterpiece out of the pieces I leave Him.  

I get caught up in comparing myself to others.  I end up feeling insecure, ineffectual and worthless.  So I come to God expecting Him to bolster me up by being generous in some way that I have already decided will make me feel better about myself.  In the parable the vineyard owner and the workers agreed upon a wage.  This question popped into my mind: What have God and I agreed upon?  I accept His gift of grace and receive eternal life and a restored relationship with Him.  I choose to call Him Lord and Savior, and He makes me a new creation, a masterpiece.  I follow the example of Jesus and the instructions He gives to Kingdom followers and He provides peace, joy and fulfilled purpose.  I choose to trust Him to provide for all my needs, He gets to choose how that will happen.  I choose to believe He is who He says He is and He strengthens me, encourages me, empowers my faith, and pours out His love and acceptance on me.  I saw that God is generous to me, and still I felt a struggle in my spirit.  On that particular morning I had a Barre class to attend, so I got dressed, grabbed my water bottle and jumped in my car.  As I was driving across town, the song Holy Water, by We the Kingdom, came on the radio. The song put into words what my spirit struggled to confess out loud:

God, I'm on my knees again

God, I'm begging please again

I need You

Oh, I need You

Walking down this desert road

Water for my thirsty soul

I need You

Oh, I need You…

Your forgiveness

Is like sweet, sweet honey

On my lips

Like the sound of a symphony

To my ears

Like holy water on my skin

On my skin

I don't wanna abuse Your grace

God, I need it every day

It's the only thing that ever really

Makes me wanna change

I don't wanna abuse Your grace

God, I need it every day

God gently reminded me that everything was okay between us because He was offering me His grace.  He was being generous to me in the way I needed it most.  I heard his sweet voice whisper, "Friend, I am doing you no wrong."  He is trustworthy.  He is faithful.  He loves me.  He is a good, good Father.  And He is generous to me. 

Clouded Peace

I was scrolling Instagram and came across a post by @jenschmidt_beautyandbedlam.  She had posted a picture of one of those letter board signs that read "30 days hath September, April, June and November, all the rest have 31, except February alone. . . and January which has 79." Oh man, that's how I felt about January. It's not like February is holding some magic that I just can't wait to get into. January wasn't overwhelming and awful.  It just felt l - o - n - g.  SO. VERY. LONG.

January was a 5 week month.  I know that sounds odd, because it's not like there were really 35 days in the month, or 79!  January began on a Wednesday and it ended on a Friday.  In my budgeting and scheduling, it works out to 5 weeks.  Five trips to the grocery store. Five laundry event days.  The month's surplus funds had to be divided by five, not four.  Sadly, there were still only 4 weekends in the month and not five.. 

The cloudy skies added to the feeling of the month just dragging us into the year once the initial hoopla was over.  The clouds wouldn't bother me so much if they came with large white flakes that made everything look soft and pretty for awhile.  Nor would they bother me if flowers started popping from the ground, but flowers this early would just be nuts.  I don't mind still wearing my sweaters and boots.  And I miss  blue skies and sunshine.  I'm not convinced February will be much different, but maybe… 

I found myself feeling "grumpy" with a lack of motivation.  I just wanted to binge watch whatever and eat lots of popcorn.  Cooking became a chore. Even coming up with new outfit ideas to wear,  which normally counts as a "win!" in my book, didn't feel like much fun. And I kept coming across the phrase, "the peace of God."  In particular, I kept reading and re-reading, through various sources and from different avenues, Colossians 3:15.  "And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts.  And be thankful."  God's peace is to rule in my heart.  God's peace is to be the governing force, the top of the food chain, the owner of the desk where the buck stops.  God's peace is to govern everything I do, every attitude I choose, every thought I dwell upon.  God's peace is to dictate how I perceive my days, my time, and my opportunities. 

In the reality of my life, the struggle between January's dragging days and God's peace ruling, was almost tangible.  I didn't stormed through the house on a rampage. And I was short tempered with my husband.  I didn't curled up in my bed, hiding under the covers. And I avoided pushing for conversation and relationship.  I didn't stopped exercising or making healthy dinners.  And I ate donuts regularly and sneaked too many peanut M&Ms.  I didn't slept in on Sunday mornings and I continued to have my morning quiet times.  And I avoided writing, being disobedient to share what God revealed to me.  I allowed God to speak and move.  And yet I also held Him at a distance.  Honest confession: I wanted God's peace to look like what I would choose, and I sensed what I wanted wasn't going to be His choice.  So I struggled with releasing control. Ever been there? 

For God's peace to rule, I have to trust who God is.  I have to believe He is who He says He is, and that He really does ~ always ~ work for my best.  Exodus 34:6 says, '…"The Lord -- the Lord is a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in faithful love and truth."  Isaiah 43:1-3a says, "Now this is what the Lord says -- the one who created you, Jacob, and the one who formed you, Israel -- 'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine.  I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you.  You will not  be scorched when you walk through the fire; and the flame will not burn you.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy one of Israel, and your Savior.'"

God declares in those verses that He is the One to save me. Every time I need Him, He is available and He is more than able to be my Savior.  He doesn't like it when I'm grumpy and disobedient, and He remains compassionate and gracious toward me because that is who He is.  I don't need to be afraid that He's going to reject me, turn me away, or yell at me for being such a mess. He is my Redeemer.  He has called me by my name; I belong to Him. 

God was faithful to me throughout the long days of January.  He did His part to get my attention, to remind me of truth, so that I could be at peace.  January was long because I was unwilling to humble myself and accept Gods complete rule so that peace could reign.  February began with rain, but the clouds that were hovering in my heart are being lifted.  I'm focusing my eyes and my obedience on the truth of who God is.  He is my Redeemer.  I am His, and He is mine.  He is full of compassion toward me and He is exceedingly gracious.  He loves me and I am choosing to allow His peace to rule.

Belonging

I am a fan of putting together puzzles.  Years ago, my family of origin held a family reunion in McCall, Idaho. My four siblings, their spouses and children in tow, along with my parents and my family gathered at a retreat center hidden among the ponderosa pines.  There were a couple of days when it rained, and it rained hard.  To keep ourselves occupied, my sister purchased an extra large puzzle in town, gifted it to me for my birthday, and we proceeded to create our masterpiece.  We chatted around the table, helped one another find pieces we were looking for to fit that "one spot," and took turns celebrating when someone put a section together.  That puzzle was later glued onto a large piece of heavy poster board and it hung in my family's laundry room for years.  It's a sweet memory; that crazy puzzle means more to me than I'm sure my family realizes.  The sister who gifted me the puzzle has gone home to be with Jesus, as well as my dad and another sister.  Our children are all grown, building families of their own.  I look at that puzzle and I hear laughter, I see smiling faces of precious loved ones, I remember camaraderie and a strong sense of belonging.

I haven't thought of those moments for years. In searching for a visual to help me understand a passage of scripture, that's the picture God gave me.  First Corinthians 12 talks about the church as the body of Christ.  Verse 18 says, "God has arranged each one of the parts in the body just as he wanted."  When God first reminded me of the puzzle memory, I quickly jumped to the parallel that the parts of the body fit together like puzzle  pieces.  Each puzzle piece is necessary for the picture to be completed.  In the body of Christ, each person is needed for God's work to be accomplished.  We are different shapes, and different colors.  Some have many colors, some are solid.  Some fit tightly with the pieces around them, some seem to have an odd way of fitting together.  Individually there's not much of an image.  In groups, some aspects of the picture become clear.  All together, we are a masterpiece. 

God's Spirit nudged me to look deeper. I recalled the smiling face of my sister and remembered the store where she purchased the puzzle.  I reminisced  the moments spent with my sisters and my mom wandering the store, laughing and pointing things out to one another.  I saw again my husband and the other brothers-in-law taking a piece now and then to taunt us.  I can perfectly visualize my mom bent over the table looking for an exact piece for a trouble spot.  We were family and we all felt at home; everyone was allowed to come help at the table. It made no difference how good you were, or that we had a disagreement earlier in the day.  It didn't matter if you were a biological child of my parents, or one wedded in.  It didn't matter if you were an adult or a small fry barely able to peek over the table's edge.  You could stay for the whole process or come and go like all the guys seemed to do.  

God whispered: "That's my church."  

In Christ's body we are all welcome to the table. Each and every one of us.  We all belong because we are all one family. God has adopted each one of us in and we've all been invited to the reunion.  We are many; we are diverse and individually unique.  We have different interests and abilities, just like my sisters and I.  And we all have a familial similarity and a familial bond.  In the church, we are all to look like our dad, and be concerned with what concerns Him. God is concerned about us. Which means that each of us working at the table are to be concerned with everyone else around the table.  The Message states it this way, "… God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it.  But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance.  For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of…"  

For each of us there are those within our local church who we don't intimately connect with.  Perhaps their personality is too quiet or too loud for our personal taste.  Perhaps their interests are far removed from our own.  Perhaps they are a different generation, in a different stage of family life, or live a lifestyle that is too structured or too free-wheeling for our comfort.  And they are still family.  Though my sisters, my brother and I were raised by the same two people, the structure of our family lives is different in each home.  We are a family because we know we belong. 

In the middle of looking at scripture through the pictorial lens God gave me, He raised a question in my mind: do I treat each person in my local  body of believers as though they belong with me?  Familiar faces from my church floated through my mind: tender saints, active children, laughing, chatting teenagers, precious friends, tired toddler parents, struggling singles, disenchanted couples, grieving grandparents, hopeful young adults, wide-eyed newlyweds, grateful new parents, polished professionals and more. As each face floated through my imagination I wondered does she feel as if she belongs with me?  Does he know that I accept him?  I'm convinced some would have told me no.  And then my sister's face came once again into view.  God reminded me of how many times I made her feel as if she didn't belong with me.  After all, we were sisters who shared a bedroom. She was neat and organized, I was a constant mess.  She was hesitant to step out, I barreled my way through every thing.  She was steady, I was all over the map.  She was good with one or two people, I wanted the whole crowd to go along with me.  And yet I loved her deeply and dearly; I couldn't imagine a day without her.  We apologized often to each other and always made up.  I knew there was always space for me in her life, because I belonged with her.  

God whispered: "That's my church." 

In God's family, in the church, we are all different. Amazingly, marvelously, drastically different. And because of God's grace, we all belong.  I need to make some space at the table, and remind those in my local family that they belong with me, and surprise! -- I belong with them. After all, we are a family, and we are putting pieces together to create a masterpiece in our corner of the world.

Clearance Shoes

I work part time in a discount retail store.  It's a great job. There's always something to do, the people I work with are positive and friendly, and I get to play in all the new stuff.  My favorite is putting out new home décor items and setting up displays.  I'm often found in the dressing room area counting the items people have selected to try on. I get to chat with customers, and congratulate them when they find a winner.  I'm always wishing I had confetti to throw for those individuals who try on many items and finally find the one to keep.  When I'm the dressing room associate I have a very specific area where I am to remain.  It's right between shoes and beauty.  There's a few shoe aisles I can keep straight and still manage the dressing room well. There's a beauty aisle with shampoos and hair products that I take great pride in keeping neat and tidy.  There are also several round displays of perfume and jewelry that I peruse and rearrange . . .  a lot. 

Additional markdowns happened the other day and the flat animal print shoes I'd been eyeing dropped in price again.  Fifteen dollars is a sweet deal for Franco Sarto shoes, and I snatched my size with a squeal of delight.  I don't need these shoes.  I rationalized the purchase well in my head: $15 is a fabulous price; my other animal print shoes have a heel and I can't wear them for an entire shift at work; animal print has moved from trendy to classic; they will be a great accent piece for a simple outfit; they make me smile from ear to ear.  They are currently tucked away in my closet awaiting their grand appearance. 

I have struggled in the past with enlarging my closet to extreme excess.  I buy new things and struggle to throw away what's been in my closet for some time.  Granted, keeping some items has been an excellent choice because I still wear those items on a regular basis.  Other items I don't wear as much, but I still see their value and I struggle to pass them on to someone else.  In this process, I've discovered I struggle with finding my identity and my worth in how I appear.  I mentally know my appearance is not where my value comes from, and I find it hard to squelch the lie that others will like me better if I'm dressed in an enviable manner. I know I am the same person regardless of how I'm dressed.  I know that Jesus loves me and He declares me of great worth, valuable enough to die for so that I can be seen as righteous through faith in Him.   I know that not everyone will like me.  I know that everyone brings something of worth to the table and that I am not better than anyone.  I believe with all my heart the truth of those statements, and Satan knows how to battle me.

Let me be completely honest, I didn't just buy the clearance shoes. I also bought a clearance sweater, and another sweater that wasn't even on sale.  Total clarity: I didn't need any of these items.  They are each one a surplus purchase.  I was feeling bleh from a cold and the purchases just seemed to energize me and put a spring in my step.  Retail therapy is a real thing that can consume.  I found myself, when I got home, longing to browse other stores online, wondering what other treasures I could find. 

God gently reminded me of where my heart needs to be when I read Philippians 3.  Paul talks about what an impressive Jew he is at the beginning of the chapter, how he is all that and a little bit more.  Then he states in verse 7, "But everything that was a gain to me, I have considered to be a loss because of Christ."   I know that he is referring to making one's self important by how much one has accomplished, how well one has succeeded.  When I read the verse, God's Spirit nudged me in my personal point of struggle; God gently pressed on me the truth that gaining an enviable wardrobe is a big zilch on the God scale.  God clearly warned me that I was beginning a pattern of behavior that was not leading me to depend on Him completely.  Purchasing the shoes and the sweaters was not the unforgivable sin; and I needed to refocus. 

Proverbs 4:25-27 reads, "Let your eyes look forward; fix your gaze straight ahead.  Carefully consider the path for your feet, and all your ways will be established.  Don't turn to the right or to the left; keep your feet away from evil."  I had begun to stray to the right, or perhaps to the left, it doesn't matter.  By seeking to find a pick-me-up through finding a sweet deal, I was discounting who God is and what He can do for me.  It wasn't about the purchasing; it was where my gaze was landing.  Paul says later in Philippians 3 "For I have often told you, and now say again with tears, that many live as enemies of the cross of Christ.  Their end is destruction; their god is their stomach; their glory is in their shame. They are focused on earthly things…." (verses 18 and 19, emphasis mine).  I know this sounds harsh and perhaps legalistic to some, but when I am focused on gaining my joy, my contentment from an earthly thing, I am turning toward being an enemy of the cross.  That's not where I want to live.  God doesn't tell me I can't have nice things.  God does tell me that nice things aren't what I am to be about.  Nice things aren't the source of happiness.  Philippians 3:8 says, "I also consider everything to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Knowing Jesus, really knowing Him, has value that surpasses everything else. Hanging with Jesus, reading His Word, pouring my heart out to Him in prayer, worshiping Him, singing His praises, listening to His Spirit reveal truth is an infinite gold mine, especially in comparison to a pair of $15 Franco Sarto flats

I've decided I'm not going to return the shoes. Instead, I'm praying that every time I choose to wear them, they will be a very distinct reminder that God is the source of my joy.  I can be happy about how cute my shoes look, but joy is found in the God who saves me and takes the time to teach me how to live more focused on Him. 

To God be all the Glory. Amen and Amen.

Some Days are Hard

I have a friend whose husband is back in the hospital a state away.  She and her family are spending Christmas and New Years in another city as they pray and believe that their loved one will gain health. I have a precious brother-in-law who just lost his dad to cancer. A marvelous saint in our local church was killed in a car accident just 2 weeks ago. I know others who continue to struggle with marital and divorce issues.  A friend in our small group is a desperate for a job.  Another is concerned over the choices her children are making. Last night, our dog blew out his hind leg, the "good one," and we are faced with making a difficult choice. 

This is labeled the "happiest time of the year,"  but it often doesn't feel that way.  Just this morning I heard the news anchors identify how many days until Santa comes. As if a new sweater, a cool new bike, the latest electronic, or whatever item was placed on the wish list is really going to change the course of one's life.  It made my heart sad.  I don't need a Santa Claus; I need a Savior. We all do.

Philippians 4:4-7 reads, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone.  The Lord is near.  Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." It's a passage we use to remind ourselves and others to trust God when circumstances are hard.  For those of us who have lived a life of faith for more than a season, we read it at times with a sigh of resignation followed by a determination to put on our happy, trusting-God-in-all-circumstances face. I don't think that's what Paul was referring to. Verse 4 says to rejoice in the Lord not be forced happy in spite of an unwanted circumstance.  Paul encourages us to get our eyes off of what is hard, and focus on who Jesus is.  It's a chance to gain perspective and strength and hope. 

Paul says the Lord is near.  When I read that phrase I think of someone close by, a friend holding my hand through the dark days. God does that.  And when you look at cross references that use the same Greek word used in that phrase, those verses all deal with Jesus' return to earth.  Paul believed that Christ's second coming was imminent.  He believed it was going to happen in his life time!  He felt he could put up with whatever was hard for a time because life in it's most glorious form was just around the corner.  I admit I don't live like that.  I don't tend to believe that Jesus is returning in my lifetime. I know He could, I just don't think it will happen yet. Unfortunately for me, that means I don't have that anticipation, that undeniable hope, that abundant life is literally just around the corner.  For me, it's a further off, someday occurrence.  I need to alter my point of view. I need to sit more at the feet of Jesus and learn more deeply the lessons of rejoicing in Him because I know He is near.

Paul also says to not worry, but instead take the active step of praying and petitioning the God who created all things, who is Sovereign and Lord of all.  I know at times I need to be reminded that God really isn't Santa Claus. I don't make a list and then try to be good so that God will fulfill my wishes.  I bring my needs and wants and hopes to God because He is the giver of good gifts.  I pour out my heart to Him because He loves me with an unfathomable love.  I present my needs to Him because His Word tells me He is my provider, and that He cares for me. Paul gives us a boundary for our petitioning. We are to come with a heart of thanksgiving.  I know that when I am telling God about what is hard, and how I long for Him to show up in my life or the lives of those I love, I am more able to hear and accept the answer He gives when my heart has been made aware of all that He has already done for me.  Life has taught me that even when I'm broken and aching, pouring out my longing to Jesus, begging Him to intervene, if He gives me exactly what I ask for, there will still be another circumstance down the road that will have me in the same posture and position.  Receiving the answers I imagine will fix my hard circumstances doesn't give me abundant life or peace. Verse 7 reminds me that peace comes because I am in Christ. When I think about being "in" something, I visualize being engulfed, surrounded, enveloped by whatever I am in.  When I'm "in" a snow storm, the snow is all around me and it is all that I see.  I think being "in Christ" should have that same type of experience.

I'm reminded as I look at this passage and filter through my thoughts that prayer isn't about getting what I want.  Prayer is about getting closer to the One who loves me and gave His life to save me.  I don't need a Santa Claus god; I need a Savior.  And He has come, Immanuel, God with us, even on days that are hard.

Groaning

I went to my Barre class earlier this week.  I admit, I didn't necessarily want to go to work out, but I did want to go to see my friend.  I laughed more than usual as I exercised, though admittedly I don't normally associate exercising and laughing.  I want to say I enjoyed myself… at least some, but I don't want word to get around.  Exercising to me is a necessary evil.  I have friends who love to work out, they like that feeling of pushing themselves and overcoming limitations and pain to achieve a new level, a new ability.  Their anticipation of pain is always a wonder to me.  I wonder what in the world is wrong with them!  Thankfully, those friends, are always gracious and encouraging to me in my Eeyore attitude in response to exercising. 

Perhaps I enjoyed the Barre class because of my time with Jesus earlier that morning.  I spent time in Romans 8:18-25, reading, studying and listening to God's Spirit speak truth to my heart.  It's a familiar passage about the fact that our sufferings in the present time can't compare to the glory that awaits us when we finally are in God's presence, praising Him around His throne.  Paul says that all of creation is groaning because it wants to be free from the bondage of decay.   He goes on to say, "Not only that, but we ourselves who have the Spirit as the first-fruits -- we also groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for adoption, the redemption of our bodies."  That bit about the groaning grabbed my attention since I knew Barre class was coming.  I really identify with the idea of groaning in response to working out.  Exercising never seems to be easy for me.  I've heard people say that after awhile it is supposed to get easier, more enjoyable.  I think they lie.  I struggle to get my breath; my muscles scream at me to just stop; attempting to coordinate some of the movements is a constant battle;  and I often just feel old, chubby and worn out.  I keep at it though; I'm anticipating something better.  I hope for freedom of movement, less fat, stronger muscles and increasing flexibility. 

I began to think about this spiritual groaning.  I know that I'm constantly wanting something better or something more.  I want a better job.  I want more free time to be creative.  I want a better body.  I want new boots. I want more friends and more social opportunities.  I want better discussions with deeper thoughts and more intimacy.  I want better carpet. I want more coffee, all day, every day.  I want better coffee.  I want more time with my children.  I want a better relationship with my extended family.  I could keep listing, and I'm sure so could you.  It's all because we are groaning under the reality that this life isn't what God had originally planned for us.  The truth is, until the redemption of our bodies, we will suffer in this present time.  Living this life, while we anticipate what we were really created for is not easy.  Some days it's just hard work, like going to Barre class over and over and over, hours on end, without a break.

Sadly, because we are so desperate for the hope of glory, we sometimes plug in something more readily available hoping it will satisfy.  I might try a new job, or more free time, or trying to get a better body, or buying new boots or ….  I know I've gotten caught up at times in all the temporary joys of this world. I've focused on acquiring more of what is seen instead of what is unseen (2 Cor. 4:17,18).  Sometimes I think we forget that we have already been adopted, we are already accepted as part of the family.  So we plug in activities that we think will make us more appealing, that will increase our worth, just to be on the safe side.  I know I forget at times that I already have been given the Spirit as a down payment to remind me that I am part of the Chosen.  God has gifted me, and you, His Spirit. Even in the midst of our groaning, we are not alone.  God's Spirit is with us, in us, to comfort and counsel, to remind us of truth, and to even intercede on our behalf when words won't come.  Something better IS coming.

The other morning in Barre, even as I did Developpé, held my leg in Arabesque and then in Attitude, as I Turned Out and then Pliéd, I had joy. Anytime I was inwardly tempted to groan, God's Spirit reminded me of the passage of scripture I had read that morning.  My mind would quickly drift to the thought of the hope I have of seeing God's glory in its fullness. In that moment, there seemed no need to groan, and I would keep moving.  Someday, I will complete the final phase of my adoption into God's royal family.  I will be gloriously freed from the struggle and suffering of this life due to sin.  I will experience life in intimate relationship with God as He originally created it to be. Now that's something to really hope for.

Sheep and Celebrations

Our church has begun practicing for our Christmas musical  presentation.  Since my husband is out of town, I've been listening to Christmas music on random days.  I've started watching cheesy Netflix Christmas movies while I've been working on creating the Christmas cards we will send out this year.  Somewhere in the midst of being all Christmas-y I meandered down memory lane and remembered all the hoopla and anticipation that filled the month of December when my children were small.  It's just my husband and I now.  Christmas day is quiet. Don't be sad for me, the day is still delightful, and the joy of the season still brings wonder to my heart.  Our Christmas day just doesn't look like the movies or the magazines with all the family, the big meal and the large amount of presents.  There's a corner of my heart that misses all those secrets and surprises, the exclamations of happiness, and the sigh of relief when the day is finished.  But just a teeny tiny corner. 

I'm learning not to compare my life to what society proposes is the ideal.  It's a hard lesson for me. I have the dreaded FOMO disease: the fear of missing out. I fear missing what God wants me to do.  I fear I will miss the perfect opportunity to really explain to my children how much they mean to me.  I fear I will miss understanding what my husband needs.  I fear missing out on the best thing for each day.  I fear I will miss out on being seen, recognized and valued.  I fear missing out on really knowing one  person because I'm spending too much time with someone else. It's all a bit insane.

I try not to follow too many people on Instagram, because it makes me wonder why my life seems so ordinary. Logically, I know their life is really no more glamorous than mine. Today one of the Christian authors I follow posted about the elements of her life that are not so wonderous.  She sought to be transparent and to encourage her followers to not imagine her life to be easy or ideal.  She has had major struggles and traumas in her life that I have no frame of reference for. People posted below how grateful they were for her message, they knew similar pain and she gave them hope.  Satan whispered a lie to me that my life is not relatable.  I waffled for a moment or two as I battled the ugly monster FOMO.  Then, I stood my ground in Jesus. 

I saw my disease raising it's ugly head earlier this morning as I spent time in God's Word.  I was reading about Jesus leaving the 99 sheep to go find the one that was lost.  I read the verse that says when the one is found there is great celebration.  I recalled Sunday's sermon and how the pastor mentioned that the story of the prodigal son is more about the brother than the son who came home.  He pointed out that in Luke 15, Jesus tells the three stories of the lost and found because the religious leaders were complaining about Jesus welcoming and eating with sinners.  Jesus told the stories to teach those who were supposed to know God that there is no "us" and there is no "them." God welcomes and accepts everyone.  He's ready to throw a party for anyone who comes home.  In the story of the prodigal son, the son who remains with the Father, should've been overjoyed because the lost had been found.

This morning I read "What do you think? If someone has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, won't he leave the ninety-nine on a hillside and go and search for the stray?" (Matthew 18:12) I flashed back to when my children were small.  My son was very talented in the area of wandering off.  I'm sure there were seasons when I felt all I did was try to track him down.  And I'm sure I said those famous mom words to my daughter, "Stay right here.  I'll be right back.  I'm going to go to (blank) and see if your brother is there."  She obviously didn't have the wandering off trait. I expected her to stay put, and she did.  It didn't mean that I loved my son more and my daughter less.  There were times in those teen years when my daughter was the one I was tracking down since I knew my son was safely in front of his gaming system.  In those moments, I was searching for the one who needed to be found. 

My "A-ha!" this morning came when I looked at the verse in the light of the truth that Jesus is the good Shepherd.  I thought of the truths found in Psalm 23: the Good Shepherd provides what I need (Psalm 23:1); the Good Shepherd leads me to green pastures (verse 2); the Good Shepherd renews my life (verse 3); the Good Shepherd leads me on the path that is right for me because His character doesn't allow Him to do anything different (verse 3); the Good Shepherd is with me when life is hard (verse 4); the Good Shepherd comforts me when I'm hurting or afraid (verse 4); the Good Shepherd fills my life so that it overflows with His goodness (verse 5); the Good Shepherd pursues me with goodness and faithful love every day of my life (verse 6).  Jesus gives all that to me.  He's not just leaving me on some hillside to fend for myself while he's off searching for someone who needs to be found. 

I too often see God with the limitations that I have.  When I was looking for my son, I didn't necessarily have eyes on my daughter.  When I was seeking my daughter, I wasn't watching my son conquer whatever world on his gaming system.  God has no such limitation.  When God's Word says that God is with me, He is.  While He is with you.  While he is searching for someone who needs to be found.  God spoke to my heart and corrected me.  When I come to Christ, sick with FOMO and whine, "what about me?!"  I am not believing the truth of who God is and the promises He's given.  God can choose to bless whomever, go and search for whomever, throw a party for whomever and He is still loving and looking after me.  There is nothing to fear.  God makes sure that I will not miss out on anything He promises. 

I need to choose to celebrate who God is in my life every moment.  I need to choose to wonder and marvel at who God is in other people's life and celebrate just as heartily.  The celebration is for the glory of who God is, for the glory of His Kingdom. 

Christmas is right around the corner.  It reminds me that God celebrates the people He created.  And Christmas leads to Easter, when I'm reminded of the magnitude of what God has done for me.  There are some who don't know what there really is to be celebrating.  They need to be found.  I have already been found and I'm not missing out on anything: not the search party, not the Welcome Home party.