Clearance Shoes

I work part time in a discount retail store.  It's a great job. There's always something to do, the people I work with are positive and friendly, and I get to play in all the new stuff.  My favorite is putting out new home décor items and setting up displays.  I'm often found in the dressing room area counting the items people have selected to try on. I get to chat with customers, and congratulate them when they find a winner.  I'm always wishing I had confetti to throw for those individuals who try on many items and finally find the one to keep.  When I'm the dressing room associate I have a very specific area where I am to remain.  It's right between shoes and beauty.  There's a few shoe aisles I can keep straight and still manage the dressing room well. There's a beauty aisle with shampoos and hair products that I take great pride in keeping neat and tidy.  There are also several round displays of perfume and jewelry that I peruse and rearrange . . .  a lot. 

Additional markdowns happened the other day and the flat animal print shoes I'd been eyeing dropped in price again.  Fifteen dollars is a sweet deal for Franco Sarto shoes, and I snatched my size with a squeal of delight.  I don't need these shoes.  I rationalized the purchase well in my head: $15 is a fabulous price; my other animal print shoes have a heel and I can't wear them for an entire shift at work; animal print has moved from trendy to classic; they will be a great accent piece for a simple outfit; they make me smile from ear to ear.  They are currently tucked away in my closet awaiting their grand appearance. 

I have struggled in the past with enlarging my closet to extreme excess.  I buy new things and struggle to throw away what's been in my closet for some time.  Granted, keeping some items has been an excellent choice because I still wear those items on a regular basis.  Other items I don't wear as much, but I still see their value and I struggle to pass them on to someone else.  In this process, I've discovered I struggle with finding my identity and my worth in how I appear.  I mentally know my appearance is not where my value comes from, and I find it hard to squelch the lie that others will like me better if I'm dressed in an enviable manner. I know I am the same person regardless of how I'm dressed.  I know that Jesus loves me and He declares me of great worth, valuable enough to die for so that I can be seen as righteous through faith in Him.   I know that not everyone will like me.  I know that everyone brings something of worth to the table and that I am not better than anyone.  I believe with all my heart the truth of those statements, and Satan knows how to battle me.

Let me be completely honest, I didn't just buy the clearance shoes. I also bought a clearance sweater, and another sweater that wasn't even on sale.  Total clarity: I didn't need any of these items.  They are each one a surplus purchase.  I was feeling bleh from a cold and the purchases just seemed to energize me and put a spring in my step.  Retail therapy is a real thing that can consume.  I found myself, when I got home, longing to browse other stores online, wondering what other treasures I could find. 

God gently reminded me of where my heart needs to be when I read Philippians 3.  Paul talks about what an impressive Jew he is at the beginning of the chapter, how he is all that and a little bit more.  Then he states in verse 7, "But everything that was a gain to me, I have considered to be a loss because of Christ."   I know that he is referring to making one's self important by how much one has accomplished, how well one has succeeded.  When I read the verse, God's Spirit nudged me in my personal point of struggle; God gently pressed on me the truth that gaining an enviable wardrobe is a big zilch on the God scale.  God clearly warned me that I was beginning a pattern of behavior that was not leading me to depend on Him completely.  Purchasing the shoes and the sweaters was not the unforgivable sin; and I needed to refocus. 

Proverbs 4:25-27 reads, "Let your eyes look forward; fix your gaze straight ahead.  Carefully consider the path for your feet, and all your ways will be established.  Don't turn to the right or to the left; keep your feet away from evil."  I had begun to stray to the right, or perhaps to the left, it doesn't matter.  By seeking to find a pick-me-up through finding a sweet deal, I was discounting who God is and what He can do for me.  It wasn't about the purchasing; it was where my gaze was landing.  Paul says later in Philippians 3 "For I have often told you, and now say again with tears, that many live as enemies of the cross of Christ.  Their end is destruction; their god is their stomach; their glory is in their shame. They are focused on earthly things…." (verses 18 and 19, emphasis mine).  I know this sounds harsh and perhaps legalistic to some, but when I am focused on gaining my joy, my contentment from an earthly thing, I am turning toward being an enemy of the cross.  That's not where I want to live.  God doesn't tell me I can't have nice things.  God does tell me that nice things aren't what I am to be about.  Nice things aren't the source of happiness.  Philippians 3:8 says, "I also consider everything to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Knowing Jesus, really knowing Him, has value that surpasses everything else. Hanging with Jesus, reading His Word, pouring my heart out to Him in prayer, worshiping Him, singing His praises, listening to His Spirit reveal truth is an infinite gold mine, especially in comparison to a pair of $15 Franco Sarto flats

I've decided I'm not going to return the shoes. Instead, I'm praying that every time I choose to wear them, they will be a very distinct reminder that God is the source of my joy.  I can be happy about how cute my shoes look, but joy is found in the God who saves me and takes the time to teach me how to live more focused on Him. 

To God be all the Glory. Amen and Amen.