The One Thing

I'm not normally accused of having tunnel vision.  You know,  being intently focused on just one thing, project or goal.  I'm more apt to be pinging  from one thing to another in some weird circular, random manner.  I am not naturally linear, I'm not a big goal setter, I'm a "Oooh! Look!  It's so shiny!" type of person.  And… I've discovered that there are some things that I want so badly that I gain serious tunnel vision. 

There's a woman in the Bible that had tunnel vision.  She had every right to have tunnel vision.  She was desperate for healing and she was willing to do just about anything to find an answer to her predicament.  

This woman had been bleeding for twelve years. The Bible even says she had spent every penny she had on doctors and there was no answer to her problem.  This woman, who no one had been able to make well, had heard that Jesus was in town.  We aren't told how much she knew about Jesus.  We are left to assume that she had heard about miracles He had performed and others who had been healed.  We don't know if she had any family or if anyone even allowed themselves to be around her since constant bleeding would have made her unclean and unacceptable.  We are given just a glimpse of her because she sneaks into the crowd that is pressing around Jesus as He is headed to the home of a local synagogue leader to heal his sick daughter.  The woman pushes and nudges her way through the crowd, probably with her head down so no one recognizes her, perhaps she's even crawling on the ground because the next thing that happens is she touches the hem of Jesus' robe.  In an instant she is healed and Jesus begins scanning the crowd and asks, "Who touched me?"

One would think, that someone with such tunnel vision, as soon as she had received what her heart most yearned for she would have begun to do the happy dance!  I imagine I would've wanted the world to know what had just happened, but she doesn't want to be found out.  The story doesn't tell us why she still wants to hide.  Perhaps it's because she knows she's not supposed to be amongst the crowd, after all she's an outcast.  Perhaps it's because she didn't ask Jesus to heal her and yet He did, and she doesn't know what He may ask of her in exchange.  Perhaps she's already begun pushing her way back through the crowd to go find those she loves to tell them the good news, and to admit it was her means she has to turn around and delay sharing her joy. 

The disciples step in here and try to move Jesus and the crowd along to the synagogue leader's home.  They state the obvious: "there are many people touching you, we are in a crowd."  I like the fact that there's a bit of disciple humor in this story.  It reassures me that I'm not the only one who's a bit slow to catch on to what Jesus already knows.  I don't think Jesus had to be told who touched Him.  I'm convinced He knew.  He may have been the Son of Man, and He was also the Son of God, and I'm sure he was looking through the crowd to help encourage the woman with a look of love that said it was okay to step forward. 

I'm so like the bleeding woman.  There are times I have tunnel vision and I think if Jesus will just do this one thing for me, I'll be good, life will just about be perfect.  Have you ever pleaded with God for "just this one thing….?" Have you ever realized that the just one thing later becomes a new one thing, and then later another new one thing? In the story of the bleeding woman, Jesus knew that the one thing for the bleeding woman, though so very significant, wasn't really what she needed.  So Jesus presses the issue and declares that someone has touched Him and he felt healing power leave him.  Luke 8:47 & 48 says, "When the woman realized that she could not stay hidden, she began to tremble and fell to her knees in front of him.  The whole crowd heard her explain why she had touched him and that she had been immediately healed. 'Daughter,' he said to her, 'your faith has made you well.  Go in peace.' "

I think in that moment Jesus wanted to hug her and hold her tight.  Fear was radiating from her in spite of the fact that she had what she wanted.  The bleeding woman was no longer bleeding but she was still in bondage.

For the woman to not only be healed, also free to live, she had to come face to face with Jesus.  She fell at the feet of the only one who could help her, she confessed what she did and she received mercy and grace.  Jesus called her daughter, accepting her into His family.  He assured her that her faith had healed her, there was no shame, no condemnation, nothing to have to do to make up for 12 lost years.  From this moment on, she was to live in peace.  Jesus knew she wanted healing, and He knew she needed to be freed. 

I've been struggling over my own "one thing."  I've been begging God for answers to my questions and He's been telling me I need to wait.  I've begun to be tired in the waiting, and I've started to plead for "just one hint…"  The Holy Spirit reminded me that my soul isn't healed by the "one thing."  I find healing and freedom when I fall at the feet of Jesus, confess where I am, what I've done, what's hard, what's confusing… and allow Him to speak.  At the feet of Jesus, I'm reminded that I am His and He is mine.  He calls me daughter, welcomes me into His presence as one who belongs, as one who is dearly loved.  He strengthens my faith by confirming that when I come to Him with my need(s), He is powerful enough to supply.  At Jesus' feet the "one thing" is superseded by complete healing and wholeness.  And then He sends me back to living, encouraged, equipped and empowered by His peace.

The bleeding woman received healing and wholeness.  Jesus gave her more than she asked for; Jesus met her in the middle of her deepest need.  Jesus meets me, and you too.  He's asking us to release the "one thing," and fall at His feet.

Truly Seeing God

Yesterday was one of "those days."  Nothing horrible happened,  I was productive in getting a few things checked off my to do list, and I went through the day in an emotional funk.  I will even admit that about 12:30, I gave up and put my pajama pants back on with a comfy sweatshirt and my slippers.  The appointment I had gotten dressed for was over and I really wanted to just crawl under a blanket, binge watch whatever and eat junk food all day.  I suppose it was lucky for me that the main task that needed to be done could be done in my pajamas, with a popcorn bowl nearby, and reruns of Monk playing to keep me company. 

Or perhaps I accomplished a task, and missed how God wanted to show up for me.

I began my day with my emotions teetering on the cusp of being hormonal.  I had my quiet time and God tried to speak to me with verses that spoke of His kindness, and that He helps us when life is hard to be filled with abundant joy.  He prodded me to give myself first to Him with the example of the Corinthians in 2 Corinthians 8:5 ("… they had first given themselves unreservedly to God…" The Message).  I missed what He was speaking into the middle of my immediate circumstance though and dutifully jotted down notes that fit the passage as a whole.  In my notes I wrote, "Don't rationalize away the extra giving!  Focus on giving self completely to God -- trusting His wisdom, His resources, His purposes and be brave enough to ask: what do you want me to give?"    All I could see was giving of resources, or time, or perhaps a particular gifting.  I couldn't see that God was begging me to give my emotional state, my complete self in that particular moment, and trust that He would provide what I needed to know His presence and His joy. I wasn't brave enough to believe that with His resources He could wisely provide what I was lacking.

God is persistent and He tried again through a YouVersion devotional plan I've been going through.  I read Isaiah 43:1-7 and journaled "Listen to the Lord who created you… He is the One who formed you."  The Holy  Spirit reminded me that I belonged to God, that He is always with me… ALWAYS. I copied down part of verse 4 and 5, "…you are precious to me. You are honored and I love you.  Do not be afraid, for I am with you." I read John 14:25-31 and journaled, "Satan has no power over me…. Focus on the peace God gives, He is in control."  And yet, I stubbornly remained emotionally bound, lacking in joy and peace.

I battled with my emotions all day, as evidenced by the empty ice cream bowl that I removed from my office this morning.  I ached to feel better, but didn't take the time to truly crumple before the throne of grace and beg for mercy.  I had my whole, "I've got this" attitude going, figuring I just needed to power through.  As I look back from the perspective of today, I don't think that's what God longed for me.  On a chalkboard in my office I currently have written, "Be strong through the grace God gives you in Christ Jesus." (2 Timothy 2:1b). I was relying completely on my own strength and my own wisdom, trying to just make do.  Jesus is the giver of abundant life; I don't think He ever wants me to "just make do." 

That verse from 2 Timothy popped up in my quiet time this morning, along with more of the chapter.  This morning, I was more open to listening to what God wanted to say into my immediate moment.  The imagery in 2 Timothy 2 of a soldier grabbed my imagination.  My son is in the military and I've learned that pleasing one's commanding officer and following direct orders is of extreme importance.  It doesn't matter if my son likes the task or not, if he think it's fair or not, if the commanding officer speaks, he follows orders.  Second Timothy 2:3 tells me I'm to be a good soldier of Christ Jesus.  When He speaks, I'm to listen, and follow His orders.  I'm to behave in a way that He declares is acceptable.  I'm to trust that He will have my back.  I'm to believe in the mission that He provides. I wasn't a good soldier yesterday and I believe God was more sad than I was.  This morning, God welcomed me into His presence again with open arms.  He didn't criticize yesterday's level of obedience.  He didn't chastise me, or punish me.  And He was faithful to speak … again, working to open my eyes to the truth of who He is and the reality of my lack of faith. 

My emotional state is more stable today.  AND I am more aware of my desperate need for God's grace, mercy, forgiveness, and strength in my life.  I am grateful to be reminded (again!) that this life is not about me.  I've been given my orders to bring glory to God.  My heart is praying today, as I work through my to-do list, seeking God's affirmation, God's direction, and God's blessing.  I want to be a good soldier.  I have been saved, forgiven, redeemed.  The creator of the world has stepped into my every day world, and provided peace, wonder and joy.  Oh that I may focus on all that God is today.  May I crumple at the foot of the cross and beg for grace, that I may be of service and bring Him glory. 

The Good Spot

I love a good story.  Ever since learning to read, I could get lost in a book.  My summer memories tend to center around the summer reading challenge that the local library always held.  I even had a secret reading spot in a hidden opening tucked in one of our front yard bushes.  I can get lost in a good movie and not even realize if there is anything "inappropriate"; I get so entranced with the story that some details escape me.  I've discovered that as I read God's Word, I tend to see things in picture or in story.  That happened this morning as I read Psalm 18.

Psalm 18:2 came alive this morning in western style.  In verse 2 David says, "The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection."  I'm sure David never saw a John Wayne movie, or even an episode of Bonanza.  As I began to read the verse, I read it in typical Sunday School style, envisioning rocks like that in the flannel graph pictures of my childhood.  I pictured a city with fortified walls just like the pictures I've seen of old Jerusalem.  Then I got to "…my rock, in whom I find protection" and my mind went cowboy.  I saw David, with his cowboy hat on, and a pistol in his hand, hunkered down behind a large boulder as guys, all dressed in black, were shooting at him from various angles.  David, the Good Guy, was safe, because he had found the perfect boulder that would protect him from the enemy.  Good Guy David could conveniently peek around and pick off all the bad guys one by one, because, obviously, being the Good Guy, David is the best shot there is. 

The Psalmist, Cowboy David, continues in verse 2 to say, "He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety."  The good guy in a western doesn't just stand up from behind the boulder as if to say, "Here I am!!  Shoot me now!"  The good guy is wise; he hunkers down close to the rock and he waits for the best time to make his move.  To remain protected, the good guy stays behind the rock, as close to that rock as he can get because he knows that's his place of safety. 

As I was enjoying my fresh-eyed approach to the Psalm, God spoke.  God reminded my heart that to be truly protected from whatever temptation, struggle or battle I might face, I had to be hunkered down close to the Rock.  I can't be standing looking around at what might be going on, or be distracted by the intensity of the struggle, or the number of temptation bullets that might be flying around me.  I need to be snuggled as close to the presence of God as I can get.  I need to know that Rock intimately, every curve, every pebble, every shade.

Psalm 18:2 is a powerful statement of the character of God.  He is my  ROCK: steady, stable, solid. He is my FORTRESS: strong, safe, surrounding. He is my SAVIOR: my rescuer and redeemer. He is my HIDING PLACE: "the rock, in whom I find protection." He is my SHIELD: defender, barrier, deflector, defender.  He is THE POWER: awesome, unstoppable, overwhelming, destroyer, winner.  He is my SAFETY: tender, restful, presence of peace. 

I have recently come to the realization that I like life to fit into my perfectly pictured box.  When surprise events happen, I try to figure things out so that life will still fit into the box that I think it should fit into. Many times this is basically an exercise in creative rearranging for me.   I'm pretty adaptable, and I figure that's just life, and you need to sometimes just "roll with it."  That's all good . . . .   until I have elements that don't fit anywhere within what I pictured the box should look like.  God is teaching me to live outside the box, to let the box go, and join Him in His adventure. 

Honestly?  Being a Good Guy Cowboy, hunkered behind a boulder with bullets flying all around has never been anything inside my box.  Psalm 18:17-19 says, "He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me. They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress, but the Lord supported me.  He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me."  I've experienced enough of life to know that being rescued doesn't mean that life goes back to fitting into my perfect, ideal box.  Being in a place of safety doesn't necessarily mean a six figure income, a cute wardrobe, and friends to hang out with every Saturday night.  And I can cling to the truth that God, the one whose character is described as Rock, Fortress, Savior, Hiding place, Shield, Powerful and Place of Safety, THAT GOD, He delights in me. "For I have kept the ways of the Lord; I have not turned from my God to follow evil." (Psalm 18: 21)

There is a Good Spot, it's a sweet spot for all us Good Guy cowboys.  The Good Spot is hunkered down close to Jesus.  Memorizing every one of His character traits,  and snuggling up so tight that one can feel how solid and immovable He is.  There may be bullets flying, the enemy may be sneaky and strong, I may be asked at some point to engage in the battle -- and I am one in whom God Almighty delights.  I can wear my boots with joy and peace; "The Lord is my rock, my fortress, my savior; my God is the rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety."

One Year

Today is an anniversary.  I looked up the word anniversary, I don't want you to think I've completely lost it,  I do know what it means…  and I wondered if perhaps there was more to the definition than I was aware.  It's basic meaning is what we all think: "a yearly recurrence of the date of a past event." (Dictionary.com)  The second meaning for the word is "the celebration or commemoration or such a date."  When I hear someone use the word anniversary, I realize there is an emotional connection to whatever occurred on that particular day.  My initial assumption is to think of anniversary in a celebratory way just like the definition alludes, and I like the alternate word the definition gives: commemoration.  Perhaps that's the better word for today.

Today marks the one year anniversary of my father's passing.  I have been concerned about my mom as this day has approached.  I knew I would feel sad, revisit the sense of loss, and I figured my mom would feel it more intensely. She now lives alone, and is too many miles from me for me to just jump in my car and spend time with her.  The reactions and flood of emotions I'm experiencing today have caught me a bit off guard:  I've already cried more today before noon than I did a year ago in the whole week after he died.  Perhaps that's because a year ago, I was living how ready he was to be home with Jesus, and I wanted him so desperately to have his heart's desire realized. Perhaps it's because I felt I needed to be "strong" for my mom, and today I'm just home alone.  Perhaps we were too busy with scheduling the funeral, and making arrangements for the family to gather and today my time is filled with just laundry. 

Today, I'm realizing afresh the things I wish I could tell him. I want to tell him about my daughter and how she's working to become a certified teacher.  I want to tell him about my son and that he's a Corporal now in the Marines. I want to share the pictures I took in Yosemite and compare them to the pictures he took years ago. I want the opportunity to hear him speak my name,  to listen to him pray, to see him sitting in his chair with his open Bible on his lap. My inner child wants to race him as we both make our beds, because surely by now I can win.  And yet…  I would never ask him to leave the glory of the presence of God that he now knows. 

I was thumbing through my journal and God gently highlighted a verse I had written down about a week ago.  "Let the peace of Christ [the inner calm of one who walks daily with Him] be the controlling factor in your hearts [deciding and settling questions that arise].  To this peace indeed you were called as members in one body [of believers] and be thankful [to God always]."  Colossians 3:15, Amplified version.    I wish I had the words to describe the peace I feel even as I weep.  Jesus is so very with me today.  My home is thick with the presence and glory of God because He IS my peace.  My heart is overflowing with thanksgiving as I think about the amazing gift God gave me in my dad.  I am truly one of the lucky ones. 

Today is an anniversary of a hard day.  And it is a celebration, not a commemoration.  I celebrate my dad being in the very presence of Jesus and harmonizing with the angels as they sing "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God, the Almighty - the one who always was, who is, and who is still to come!" I can just about pick out his voice.  I celebrate that I was blessed with a Godly father, who loved me to Jesus by raising me with tough boundaries, took me to church, and lived out an example of trusting God even when life didn't go as planned.  I celebrate a childhood with a dad who filled my earliest memories with quirky games, a twinkle in the eye, and a chuckle. I celebrate adventures and travel, trips and excursions that revealed God's world to me, that curiosity is a life-long pleasure, and that special moments are always worth creating.

"Sing the wondrous love of Jesus.  Sing his mercy and his grace.  In the mansions bright and blessed, He'll prepare for us a place.  When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be!  When we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!"

Motivation

Sometimes, when I sit in my chair in the early morning to talk to Jesus, he wallops me.  I'm thankful Jesus doesn't use a frying pan, and I'm thankful I don't spill my morning coffee all over my lap.  Jesus walloped me this morning.  He caught me off guard by having me read a verse in Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes is not the book I normally think, "Ooooo!  Ecclesiastes this morning!!  This will be encouraging!" Nope. My general approach to Ecclesiastes is to remind myself there is wisdom in the book, and I need to be open to God's Spirit teaching me a significant lesson.   I don't normally get smashed over the head with verses found in Ecclesiastes, but evidently God thought I needed a bit of shock therapy. 

Have you ever believed God has told you to do something, or to be  prepared for something and then it seems like God takes his sweet time in bringing everything around so that you can be obedient?  That's where I'm currently living.  God nudged my spirit several months ago to make some changes in my employment status.  The nudging was actually a year in the making, and when it came I truly sensed God was preparing me for something new that would be exciting, challenging and blessed by Him.  I've been in the process of making necessary changes so that I'm ready for whatever it is God wants to do (that I'm still kind of in the dark about).  I admit that lately I've had my doubts. I have contemplated why God would have me change my job.  My previous job had great opportunities to be used by Him, to be engaged with a wide variety of people, and to be used in areas where I am gifted. Truth:  when it comes right down to it, I've been wavering in trusting God. I've been questioning if He really wants to use me to move miraculously and make a difference in the world around me.

This morning, I read Ecclesiastes 4:4: "Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors.  But this, too, is meaningless -- like chasing the wind." Wham!!  Jesus distinctly said, "This is you."  Umph.  I saw it clearly; in my previous job it was me to a 'T.'  I was motivated to work hard and move forward because I envied the admiration, accolades, and advantages I saw others achieving.  I wanted to be noticed; I wanted moments (too many moments) that were all about me. I wanted the glory and to be recognized as an outstanding winner.  I was believing the lie that this would make others like me more, that I would feel successful, that I would be happier . . .  and then. . .  God could use me.

Jesus is gracious.  He didn't slam me up against the wall and then leave me crumpled in guilt and defeat.  He reached out His hand and lifted me with tenderness as He led me to read Ephesians 3:19: "May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Jesus gently whispered, "I complete you with my love.  Do you not grasp how much I love you, just as you are?"  I realized that I need to invest my time and energies into understanding (with the power of the Holy Spirit) how wide, how long, how high and how deeply God loves me (verse 18). 

I've heard the comparison of God's love to an ocean before, I've sung about it as I harmonized on the hymn The Love of God, and I've seen images with quotes and clicked a quick 'like!'  This morning God began to help me see the power in that comparison.  When I choose to dwell in the unfathomable vastness of God's love for me, I find myself to be complete, satisfied and content with whatever is.  In the truly living each moment within the understanding that I'm loved beyond what I can ever imagine, I find life to be full and fulfilling.  Because that's the power and grace and wonder of God's love. 

I still have quite a few questions.  I would still love a "This is your New Adventure!" packet to be delivered via snail mail to my front door.  And I'm trusting again, resting in the truth that God is faithful and oh, how He loves me.

Ask. Seek. Knock.

I'm in the midst of transition.  I am closing my home based business that I've had for the last 8 years.  It's been a great ride!  AND God has asked me to set that aside for something new.  I'm not yet sure what the "new" looks like and God is being patiently quiet on that account. He keeps nudging me to do what is necessary to finish what I've been involved with for this past season of my life. 

I often find myself at a loss.  I keep busy during the day.  I've begun to look for a part time job to fill any financial needs that could arise, but there's no heavy pressure or looming necessity for more funds.  I create a to-do list each day so that I don't fritter away my minutes endlessly scrolling Facebook and Instagram, or playing too many games on my phone while watching mindless TV.  At the end of each day I have a sense of accomplishment and gratitude for what the day has held.  All of that is good … and yet I sense there should be more. 

Several months ago when I first heard God tell me it was time to close up shop on my business and be prepared for something new, I began to dream and envision what that "new" might look like.  God graciously gave me a brief peek at what He was planning for me by giving me three words: encourage, equip and empower.  My imagination took wing and I created mental plans that did not receive God's immediate stamp of approval.  He remained silent.  I pulled back, even though I held tightly to the promise those three words held, reminding myself of what needed to be done first: shut the door on my business.

Days, weeks, months passed and as I am prone to do, I adapted to a new rhythm.  And with God remaining silent beyond  *close up shop,  *be prepared, *encourage, equip and empower, I slipped into an assumption that whatever God had planned wasn't BIG -- it was just a "new season in life."  I began to lose some excitement about what each day would hold. Life was becoming habitual, a bit mundane. 

And then, last Sunday night, in small group, we looked at a passage in Matthew 7  and verse 8 popped out into the forefront for me. "For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks the door will be opened." The passage talks about if we as parents give good gifts to our kids, why in the world would we believe that God, who created us, wouldn't give good gifts to us, his precious children who He rescued and redeemed?  God began to nudge my heart that I needed to begin asking, and asking BIG.

For these last four days, God has emphasized that truth to my heart.  He reminded me of the story of Joshua and the sun standing still: Josh asked for something SUPER big, and God came through, because God wanted to use Joshua right where he was.  My memory verse for the week has remind me that I can ask for ANYTHING that comes to my heart and mind as I am intertwining my life with Christ's: "But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want and it will be granted. When you produce much fruit you are my true disciples.  This brings great glory to my Father." (John 15:7,8) The verse, in Matthew 7, that had so grabbed my attention in small group, popped up as Bible Gateway's verse of the day and God whispered, "go ahead…. Ask.  Dream, imagine, seek, study…. ASK!"  The I read the story of Nehemiah asking King Artaxerxes if he would allow Nehemiah to go rebuild Jerusalem.  Nehemiah even asked for supplies and protection… and the King (who wasn't Jewish, and didn't really care about Jerusalem) agreed! Again, God whispered, "Ask! What burdens you, what are you dreaming will happen? ASK!"  I read the story of the leper who said to Jesus "if you are willing you can heal me and make me clean."  Jesus responded with "I am willing."  Again God faithfully whispered, "ASK!  How will you know if I am willing, if you don't ASK!  Seek what I have for you, long for it. Knock on doors, try things out and discover what I will do!"  Nehemiah asked for the moon and the leper believed Jesus could do the impossible.

Today God presented his plea again as I read Psalm 106. 

Verse 1: the Lord is good and His faithful love endures forever.

Verse 2-3: "Who can list the glorious miracles of the Lord?"

Verse 7-8: even though the children of Israel forgot God's many acts of kindness, He saved them

Verse 13: "Yet how quickly they forgot what he had done! They wouldn't wait for his counsel!"

Verse 24-25: the children of Israel REFUSED to enter the promised land because they wouldn't believe God's promise to care for them.  Instead, they grumbled and refused to obey.

Today, God's plea to "Ask!" came with correction.  I knew what God had spoken to my soul.  Was I forgetting God's many acts of kindness?  Was I refusing to enter what God was promising me?  Was I doubting that God wanted to use me, give me purpose and abundant life? Was I becoming jaded toward obedience because I wasn't thrilled with God's timing or His way of doing things?  I humbled my heart and I began to list the glorious miracles of God in my life.  A verse I had previously memorized came to mind: "As God's partners, we beg you not to accept this marvelous gift of God's kindness and ignore it.  For God said, 'When the time was right, I heard you.  When the day of salvation came, I helped you.' Indeed, the right time is now.  Today is the day of salvation." (2 Cor. 6:1,2) My heart was impressed again with the truth that I am not to ignore God's kindness, it IS a marvelous gift; God hears me; God has saved me and continues to save me.

As I prepared to pray, God reminded me of the story of the unjust judge that Jesus told and is recorded in Luke 18.  Verse 1 states, "One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up."  Yes, God whispered again, "Ask. Seek. Knock."  And so I did.  And I will continue, for I serve a BIG God, with grand ideas, who offers astonishing hope and purpose.  To God be the glory.

Convicted, Convinced, Concerned

I love coffee.  I love to play board games.  I love to decorate my house for the various seasons.  I love to camp and hike and explore God's beautiful world.  I'm passionate about being creative.  I can lose myself in making cards with my rubber stamps and collection of "stamping utensils."  I don't quilt, but I can wander a quilt store for hours and put fabrics together and just imagine.  I am thrilled to help my friends decorate or accessorize or brainstorm ideas for a new project.  I color with crayons and a coloring book, scrapbook with scissors and glue, and shop my closet for new outfits.  Being creative isn't just something I enjoy, it's who I am, it's part of my DNA. 

In Paul's first letter to the Corinthian church he talks about something he is passionate about, something that is ingrained in his soul, part of his DNA.  Paul was passionate over winning others to Jesus Christ.  He is so into evangelism that he declares  he would make himself "a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible."  (1 Corinthians 9:19) Can you imagine -- altering your day-to-day existence so that someone else (who you may not even know very well!) can be saved by the love and grace of Jesus Christ. 

As a believer in Jesus, one of His disciples, I am given the responsibility to reconcile others to God (2 Cor. 5:18).  I'm to live in such a way that my life reflects who Jesus is and help bring others to a point in their life where they can experience the joy and freedom of being part of the family of God (Phil 2:1-11).

I am to be involved with evangelism (Matthew 28:18-20).

Evangelism is a scary word to me, it makes me think of standing on a street corner and preaching to anyone who will listen.  Or I think of going door to door and sharing the "4 Spiritual Laws" or the "Roman Road" to people I have never met.  That's not really my jam.  I'd much rather be playing with my crafty tools and having a hey day with all sorts of colorful elements. And though the concepts that Paul projects in 1 Corinthians 9 are daunting, they are still doable, though I may need to creatively adapt a bit so that I can still live in my own skin.

I see three things in Paul that I can emulate, that I'm okay with, and can work with within the boundaries of my own personality.   First of all, Paul was convicted of the grace and truth of Jesus Christ.  Paul is somewhat of a bulldozer.  I would never want to get in an argument with him, I would end up in the corner crying! He doesn't just say what he believes, he declares it with force and confident assurance that it is absolute truth. In I Corinthians 1:18 Paul states, "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." In verse 23, "… we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles" Paul then follows in the very next verse proclaiming Christ is the power and wisdom of God. In chapter 5, Paul professes Christ has been sacrificed as our Passover lamb (v.7); in chapter 6 he stresses "you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ…" (v.11); in chapter 6 and 7 he repeats "you were bought at a price." (6:20 and 7:23). Jesus Christ dramatically changed the person of Paul, so much so that God changed his name from Saul to Paul.  Jesus Christ rescued and redeemed Paul and restored him to a life of purpose. Nothing was going to change the conviction Paul had to be committed to his Lord and Savior.

Secondly, Paul was convinced he could make a difference.  Paul doesn't talk about hoping to win some for Christ.  He doesn't hem-haw around the issue, saying he might like to influence others some day.  In verse 19 of 1 Corinthians 9 he states, "…I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible"; verse 20, "… so as to win those under the law."  Paul tells his readers "I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air" (verse 26). Paul acted in such a manner that you know, without question, that he  believed his actions would make a difference in some one's life. We make choices all  the time because we are convinced there will be a particular result: I drink coffee every morning convinced it will help wake me up; I exercise (even though I don't like it) convinced it will help keep me capable and moving as my body ages; I make cards and mail them to others convinced it will encourage and uplift; I avoid too many carbohydrates convinced it will help keep my weight in balance.  I am convinced you are no different, you make choices convinced of a certain outcome.  Paul was convinced that when he shared the good news of Jesus Christ, God would use it for His glory, and people would be saved just as he had been. 

The third thing I see is that Paul was concerned for those around him.  He didn't just choose a specific group of people that he was willing to interact with and share with.  He didn't stick with those who were similar to him, with the same heritage, and general view of life.  Paul cared enough for each person he encountered that he was literally willing to give things up if that would help him relate better to the person he was sharing Christ with.  I believe Paul's concern grew out of the truth that he was convicted over the goodness of God, and he believed each person should receive the opportunity to be overwhelmed with God's abundant blessing, just as he had been.  Paul, the bulldozer dude, cared. 

Paul displayed three characteristics when he evangelized: he was convicted of the truth; he was convinced he could make a difference; and he was truly concerned for those he encountered.  Even as I write down what I discovered, I'm left with a question hanging in the air.  Where am I falling short?  Am I as overwhelmingly convicted of the truth that Jesus Christ died for me, redeemed me and rescued me? Am I convicted to the core that Jesus offers me amazing and abundant grace so that I can have a relationship with God Almighty.  Am I convicted by the truth that Jesus did something for me that I could never in a million years do for myself, and what's been given to me is exactly what my soul longs for?  Am I convinced I can make a difference?  Do I believe God is big enough, trustworthy enough to take what I do and say and use it to influence someone to move one step closer to knowing acceptance, freedom and unfailing love?  Am I concerned for those around me; deeply caring for their eternal soul?  Do I want more for those in my sphere of influence than a good day, or a happy life?  I have come to the conclusion that if I feel I am lacking in concern for others, or in confidence to make a difference, it stems from my lack of conviction that Jesus has saved me from a horror beyond my imagination.  If I am short on conviction it's because I've lost a passion for what Christ has done for  me. That's where I need to begin: encountering again the grace and goodness of God, being overwhelmed by the truth of who He is in power and glory, and recognizing that I am literally nothing without Him.