Seeking Jesus

I fell apart several days ago. I became completely overwhelmed and couldn't see how I was going to manage everything I thought needed to be done.  It came over me suddenly and, to be honest, it caught me off guard.  My guess is it caught my sweet husband off guard as well!  In the space of a couple of hours, doing something that took longer than expected, I lost rational perspective.  My husband (bless his heart) tried to be supportive and helpful.  I did my best to explain my fears.  He did his best to offer suggestions that could eliminate some of my stress.  I didn't feel as if he had heard me when I was rambling through my emotional explanation and in a split second I was beaten by my own anxiety, submerged in a mixture of confusion and disillusionment.  I said I couldn't take any more and I went to bed.  I can still feel him watching me as I walked away; his face etched with shock and bewilderment. 

A part of me wants to explain the whole scenario to you.  I want to convince you that my pain and frustration were understandable.  I want you to comment and affirm that my emotional upheaval was justifiable.  I want to be right in my wrong-ness. 

I wouldn't have always said that my behavior on that night was wrong; I can rationalize with the best of them.  God has been teaching me differently.  Feeling overwhelmed was not a moral issue; experiencing stress was not a sin.  And, also true, my behavior wasn't godly. 

Just the preceding week I had spent time In God's Word leaning how I was to rejoice while experiencing tough circumstances (Romans 5:3-8); set my hope on God and that God provides me with all things to enjoy (1 Tim 6:17-19); set my hope on grace and be holy because Jesus is holy (1 Peter 1:13-16); Draw near to God, hold onto hope, remember that God is faithful and we are to encourage one another (Hebrews 10:22-25).  Each passage strongly emphasized how I was to focus on God and do what is needed to get as close to Him as I can.  He provides all I need regardless of what is going on.  He alone has saved me from the worst possible circumstance ever: being separated from my Creator, The One who loves me most.  He is faithful, all-powerful, and the giver of all that is good.  I had spent time looking up the different ways grace is given to me in different forms, and the various characteristics of God's grace.  It is sufficient; it is enough.  God gives grace in abundance.  It helps me in my times of need.  God's grace trains me to renounce ungodliness, to be self-controlled, upright and godly.  Grace helps me wait for hope.  It strengthens me and brings me near to God. Grace has given me Jesus, who is my peace.  I stand in grace. That's so much grace that I don't just hold it like a bouquet of flowers. I stand in it as if I were standing out in a field of wildflowers by the acre.

God had given me, through His Word, what I needed to face my moment of stress in a godly manner.  He provided the truth of who He is and what He offers me so that I could choose to come to Him.  God was waiting for me that evening to stop in the midst of my tirade and talk to Him. He was standing by, eager for me to pour out all my concerns and worries and disappointments and stresses.  He was patiently lingering, hoping I'd remember what I'd been taught, and humble myself at His feet, offering Him the opportunity to show up for me in a powerful way.  I prayed, but I didn't seek Him.  I didn't even think about grace and how good God is to me.  I just wanted God to swoop in and fix things superman style and pronounce, "it's all good now!"

Colossians 3:1-4 reminds us that we are to seek things from above.  In fact the passage even says that I'm to "set my mind" on those same things. That requires me to choose to think about those things with a choice of my will, determination and commitment.  I'm to let my sinful self die; it's not to have any life whatsoever.  It doesn't get the opportunity to put forth it's opinion, to advocate for me to push for what I want.  It doesn't get a voice at all.  It is to be utterly extinguished.  Instead, I'm to find myself looking for Christ, focusing on Him and the new creation life He offers me. 

Seeking is not a one and done thing.  Seeking Jesus means I'm always looking for His grace, His wisdom, His strength, and His leading.   I seek Him when things are going well so that I stay on the path He's chosen for me.  And I stop whatever I'm doing when things begin to fall apart to pray with deep humility, seeking not an answer to my dilemma, but Christ Himself.  I missed that step the other night and I found myself being unable to handle the emotional weight of my own choices and behavior. 

God is faithful.  God is rich in mercy.  His grace saves me and brings me close to Him, reconciling me with the Father.  I am to seek Him.  Jennie Allen, in her book Get Out of Your Head, says, "When our thoughts are consumed with ourselves, we forget how very much we need Jesus." 

I'm not stressed today, nor overwhelmed.  I'm relaxed and thinking positively.  And I still am in desperate need of Jesus.  I am determining to seek Christ, choosing to set my mind on things that will please Him. And if at some point in my day I find myself at a junction, I'm coming back and reading this.  I want to be reminded of the lessons God teaches me, how He is calling me to be hidden in Him completely.  I'm setting my mind today to "feast on all the treasures of the heavenly realm and fill [my] thoughts with heavenly realities, and not with the distractions of the natural realm." (Colossians 3:2, The Passion Translation)  What's your mind set on?