Strong Obedience

I'm struggling today with obedience.  During my morning coffee with Jesus, He gave me several A-has!! that I knew I should share. I did typical morning things like exercising, showering, getting dressed, unloading the dishwasher, eating breakfast and catching up on the news.  I bemoaned the rain to my husband, I sorted and began doing laundry, I checked Facebook, Instagram and my email several times, and I allowed myself to get sucked into a game I've recently downloaded onto my phone.  I kept hearing God nudge me and I said (too many times) "just one more game."  It's a bit ironic that following through with obedience to blog is my struggle today since I the A-has the Holy Spirit gave me were from the story of Abraham being willing to sacrifice Isaac. 

The story is found in Genesis 22:1-19, and in the story Abraham shows amazing willingness and follow-through in the concept of obedience.  I most definitely didn't follow the example he left this morning.  And God is gracious and forgiving, for which I am exceedingly grateful.  The lesson of strong obedience is difficult for me.  Some might describe Abraham's obedience as blind because he went where God told him to go when he didn't know where he was going (Genesis 12:1) and he was willing to sacrifice his only son without knowing how God would fulfill the promise He had given Abraham to make him the father of many nations (Genesis 17:4).  I think Abraham saw what I evidently struggle to see.  Abraham had an ability to see that God is, that God is sovereign, that God is worthy of all worship, that God can be trusted whatever the circumstance. God revealed three fresh insights to me as I read His story of Abraham. 

The first thing God's Holy Spirit pointed out to me is found in Genesis 22:2.  God gave Abraham the instruction to offer Isaac as a burnt offering.  God revealed He knew Abraham well because He knows Abraham sees Isaac as his only son, even though Abraham is the father of Ishmael as well.  God also identifies that he recognizes how deeply Abraham loves Isaac.  And yet, God tells Abraham to give his son over as a sacrifice "on one of the mountains I will tell you about."  God asks Abraham to follow through on an excruciating step of obedience and doesn't even give the full details of the obedience up front. If I had been Abraham I would have had a ton of questions!  They would've flowed from my mouth like a dam that had burst, with probably the same intensity!  God's word only says that Abraham got up early the next morning to do what God asked.  I may not have asked a multitude of questions this morning as to why God wanted me to share what He revealed to me, but I certainly didn't immediately step forward in strong obedience.  So many times God has had to prod and remind me of what He has asked me to do, so many times I've questioned and presented possibilities before the Lord hoping for more clarification before I begin the task He's presented to me.  God's Holy Spirit revealed this truth to my heart:

 Strong obedience requires one to be in constant communication with God.

Perhaps God doesn't always provide all the details because He knows we need to listen carefully to Him all along the way. 

The second A-ha! God's Holy Spirit gave me was found in verse 5. "Then Abraham said to his young men, 'Stay here with the donkey.  The boy and I will go over there to worship; then we'll come back to you.' "  I was struck by the phrase "go over there to worship."  Abraham knew what God had asked of him, he knew what was to occur next and God had yet to reveal a different  plan.  God's Spirit spoke this truth:

Obedience is an act of worship.

Abraham recognized that God is worthy of whatever He asks of us.  God is holy, righteous and sovereign.  There is no one greater, no name higher.  I think I get caught up in the idea that worship is singing a praise song to God and connecting on some emotional level.  There is worship in praising and worship is so much more.  Worshiping recognizes the worth of another and is willing to go to whatever lengths to honor and revere the one who is worshiped.  God Almighty is the Creator of all, the King over all kings, the Lord above every other lord.  No one is greater.  He is the I AM, the One and Only.  To truly worship one as great as our God requires me to sacrifice anything and everything He asks, or I'm declaring He isn't worth more than what I want or think. 

The final A-ha! God's Spirit revealed to me was found in the footnotes for verse 14 (don't you just love that the Holy Spirit can use anything?!).  In verse 14, Abraham names the place where God provided a ram for sacrifice and rescued Isaac The Lord will Provide, or Yahweh-yireh.  The second half of the verse reads, "…so today it is said: 'It will be provided on the Lord's mountain.' "  The foot note says that the phrase "it will be provided" can also  be translated "He will be seen." What God provided was God revealing Himself to be seen. God's Spirit spoke powerfully to my soul with this truth:

God Himself is the Provider and the Provision.

It is so easy for me to bring my needs before God and look for the provision He provides.  I look for how He provides the finances for an unexpected bill; I look for His provision of patience so I can handle a difficult circumstance; I look for His provision of an extra blessing to encourage my downcast spirit; I look for His provision of courage so I can take a step of faith or obedience; I look for His provision of hope from His Word so I can remain steady in times of crisis.  God is so gracious  to provide each of those things.  The shift that the Holy Spirit challenged my heart to see is that I need to look for God Himself in what He provides and not just the provision.  He is my resource.  He is the answer to my every need. God provides for me by helping me to see Him more clearly, more often, more completely.

Somehow, Abraham was able to see God first, foremost, only over all his questions and concerns.  That ability to see God enabled Abraham to have strong obedience.  I journaled the following questions this morning:   Do I see God?  Am I looking?  Do I live out every choice from the belief that God is?  Do I recognize that God is with me right now; longing to interact with me right now; calling me to listen and obey right now?  Am I longing more to see the provision or to truly experience God? 

God is still teaching me strong obedience.  I'm still learning to focus less on God's actual provision and more on the fact that God's provision enables me to see Him.  I'm recognizing that God wants me to lean on Him continually, so it's okay if I don't always know what's next.  The more I lean, the more I see God, the greater my worship.  He is worthy. 

Fresh A-has!

Have you noticed that our culture is currently caught between two extremes of reaching out to help others in need, and selfishly stockpiling items in fear of not having enough.  The two extremes can even easily come from the very same person, who doesn't recognize the discrepancy.  How do I know?  God has been clearly pointing out to me my own regular, daily, selfish behavior.  I haven't been stockpiling, and I have still bought more than I need of some things (don't begrudge me my sweet and salty popcorn). This morning God spoke as I read the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand. The Holy Spirit presented some fresh "A-has!" and then He nudged my spirit to seek forgiveness and pray for more committed obedience. 

A-ha #1:  I am like the disciples.  Jesus tells the disciples in Matthew 14:16 "They don't need to go away.  You give them something to eat."  There is a LARGE crowd.  It's late in the day, and it's most definitely dinner time.  The disciples think Jesus should dismiss the crowd so that they can go find something to eat.  I totally get their plan.  After all, the disciples recognized the crowd  was hungry and they came up with a workable idea.  They aren't asking them to sit through another story, or just hang on a bit longer. I think the disciples were being practical and pro-active, especially since being in charge of handling big problems is way out of my wheelhouse.  I would've been happy to give the hungry crowd some encouragement, suggest dining options, or even suggest quick easy meals to make once they got home.  I can be full of random information like that.  As you read on in the story, the disciples give excuses to Jesus after his declaration.  I would've offered excuses, I understand completely the arguments the disciples present to Jesus and I've often thought they were valid!  And Jesus doesn't budge from His original idea: the people don't need to go away, the disciples need to feed them.   The Holy Spirit nudged me to begin to consider what Jesus has asked of me and I've worked to wiggle out of it with "valid excuses."  For example:  I'm not to just come up with great ideas to help other people during our current culture of isolation; I'm to be involved.  When someone I know needs a helping hand, I need to stop spouting excuses and listen to what Jesus is asking me to do. 

A-ha #2:  Jesus didn't ask the disciples to do everything on their own.  Jesus didn't go through a step by step process with them of how to do a miracle.  He didn't ask, did you pray for more food?  What's in your pockets?  What resources are available to you?   That final question is the big one: what are your resources?  Sure, the disciples found some bread and fish, small resources to be sure.  Their main resource was Jesus.  Jesus wasn't expecting them to do it all on their own.  I wonder if in his mind Jesus was thinking: "Hello?!  Dudes!  Did you forget again who I am?  Have you still not grasped that I've got this miracle thing in the bag?  Nothing is impossible for me!"  I know I've forgotten that truth in the past.  I see my limited resources and I think, "God don't ask me!.  I don't have enough for such a big task!"  I don't consider God's ability to do the impossible as my number one resource.  Jesus never asks me to do anything on my own.  He's standing there waiting, patiently, for me to bring what I have and say, "okay, what do WE do next Jesus?" 

A-ha #3: I need to remember the leftovers.  In the story it says that "everyone ate and was satisfied," (verse 20) and then the disciples went around and picked up a bunch of leftovers.  I've always wondered what they did with those 12 baskets of leftovers?  Was that their lunch for the next several days?  Did they pass them out to large families?  Did they provide lunch for a new crowd the next day?  The Holy Spirit spoke to my spirit: there are always leftovers.  As I thought about that concept I realized when I teach a class, I offer God my time and energy to study and prepare.  Then I teach the class, or distribute, what God has provided.  The class participates and I glean new insight, leftovers.  Plus there is the information I learned in studying that I never teach, more leftovers.  When I help a friend, I bring God my willingness and skill set.  He provides the time needed to help, extra resources and energy.  I walk away with the leftovers of feeling purposeful, satisfied and grateful to be chosen and used.

I don't have to feed a big crowd today.  I don't even have to feed a small crowd!  And I need to be willing to do whatever Jesus declares.  He's not backing down in providing for those in my corner of the world; it's who He is.  He is the provider.  He is the one who relentlessly pursues.  He is the one who is seeking the lost and asking me to be part of His team of reconciliation. I need to stop giving excuses, rest in the truth that Jesus is my best resource, and then I need to look for the leftovers that God will provide.

Living in the In-Between

We are currently in an "in-between season." The weather has warmed enough that it doesn't feel like it is still winter.  And it hasn't changed enough for it to be declared spring.  A coat is needed as I go to work, and I can crack my car's moon roof open on the drive home.  I'm drawn to the idea of grilling, but when the wind kicks up, it's still very brisk standing out on our deck.  I'm assuming we won't get any more snow, and the flowers still haven't poked through the soil.   It's an in-between season. 

I've noticed my heart has felt a bit in-between as well.  The joy and hoopla of Christmas is over, and we've entered the serious business of Lent.  The joy and celebration of Easter is still weeks away.  I know that the purpose of Lent is to prepare one's heart for the power of the resurrection.  It's a time designed to help Christians remember their desperate need for a Savior.  For 40 days, the same number of days Jesus was tempted, we participate in activities to help our hearts focus more completely on the sacrifice that Christ made on our behalf.

I have participated in Lent in various ways over the years.  Some years I have fasted something to help draw me into the presence of God.  Some years I have added an additional habit to each day, again with the purpose to draw me into the presence of God.  I generally join the choir in  preparations of an Easter celebration.  Some years I know that I have truly experienced God in a powerful way. Some years I gain a fresh perspective of all God has done 

                                                                                 for me, or a deeper understanding of who I am and where I tend to fall short.  

Lately, I've struggled to connect to my Lent experience.  I read God's Word and I can see how good God is.  I am strengthened by the scriptures that tell me of His overwhelming love and continued faithfulness to me.  God graciously grants me wisdom and encouragement which enables me to engage in my day and my world in a way that would please Him.  And I lack passion; it just all feels very practical.

I'm not sure why I'm anti-practical.  Practicality is actually quite helpful; I guess my heart just longs for more.  I don't want to gauge my spiritual walk  on my feelings and, I admit, I want to truly feel God.  Just one day after mentally labeling my spiritual condition as "in-between," , my morning devotional was about transformation and the in-between phase from fixer-upper to finished remodel.  I became strongly aware of the Holy Spirit's movement in my life.  All of a sudden, those wonky feelings I was experiencing and the longing for more than practicality seemed purposeful.

Another day passed and I sat down to read a bit in a book I'm processing through.  This time the idea that jumped out was connected to a phrase I had read in my previous morning's devotional.  I paraphrased in my journal, "everything is redeemable." 

God's Spirit clarified some things and I saw why I'm living "in-between." I struggle to accept and fully believe that everything in my life is redeemable.  I can easily believe it for others.  After all, I'm convinced we serve a very BIG God.  And I doubt my own worthiness to be redeemed.  You need to know that as I type that statement I recognize its incongruence.  I know the truth that God redeems from His own love and grace.  I can't do anything to earn God's favor.  Jesus died, paying the price for my redemption because I am completely and utterly incapable.  And yet I have some messed up inner perception that says I'm supposed to be better than others, not as needy as most, somewhere on the scale closer to perfection than not.  Have you ever been there?  Have you ever thought to yourself: I should've done better; Why can't I get it right?; I'm not being positive enough, hopeful enough, nice enough, bold enough; I'm supposed to be able to do all things for heaven's sake! 

I admit I carried God's gracious and faithful reminder that, through Him, everything is redeemable in my head but not in my heart for several more days.  I could see the Truth, I could even rationalize how amazing the Truth is; and I couldn't seem to plant that Truth deep into the soil of my heart where it would truly help me.  Then God's Spirit spoke to me through Micah 6:6-8. 

         

          What should I bring before the Lord when I come to bow before God on high? Should

          I come before Him with burnt offerings, with year-old calves? Would the Lord be pleased

          with thousands of rams or with ten thousand streams of oil? Should I give my firstborn 

          for my transgression, the offspring of my body for my own sin?  Mankind, he has told

          each of you what is good and what it is the Lord requires of you: to act justly, to love 

          faithfulness, and to walk humbly with your God

I listed out things that I might actually bring to God since I don't normally store year old calves, rams or streams of oil.  And I'm convinced that my firstborn, at 30 years of age, would fight me on being offered as a sacrifice.  As I looked at the list I created, I realized I had basically written out a to-do list. More understanding of my in-between state came over me.  I had made the things I believed God was asking me to do in service to Him the focus.  They were becoming a god to me; I was believing these acts were going to give me purpose, peace, fulfillment, comfort and acceptance.  When I struggled to follow through on my to-do list I was beating myself up, tearing myself down, and basically feeling miserable.  God was telling me, everything is redeemable, because that's who He is. 

God whispered to my heart: I'm calling you to a deeper love.  I want you to truly be aware of my presence every moment of every day. I have things for you to do, and I want you to do them every single time from a heart and attitude of worship.

I'm working to create new habits throughout my day so that my focus is on walking humbly with my God.  I'm leaning into Him, I'm working to be honest with the Spirit when I realize I'm struggling, humbling myself so that I recalibrate my focus.  I'm recognizing that some days I need to have a quiet time in the middle of the day as well as in the morning.  I need to sit with Jesus and know His presence intimately to give me strength, wisdom and vision for what is to occur next.  I'm striving to let go of how I perceive I am to be, and allow God to use and redeem the offering I have to give at that particular point in time.  And I know God is honoring me in the in-between.  "…This is the Lord's declaration.  I will look favorably on this kind of person: one who is humble, submissive in spirit, and trembles at my word." (Isaiah 66:2).  

My God will redeem the in-between.