Privileged Indeed

Last night was a clicking night.  That blasted clicking.  When I first fell asleep, my beloved ceiling fan was circling at a lovely high speed.  The power had gone off earlier, but when it popped back on, I was blessed with cool air as I fluffed my pillow and snuggled down.  I was content.  Then, it happened.  Sometime, while I was sleeping in the cool, my husband was not.  The fan was clicking.  He said he adjusted it 2-3 times, laying down, getting back up, trying to set the fan so that I would be cool and it would be silent enough for him to sleep.  The setting it ended on was the lowest setting.   Bless my sweet hubby's heart he didn't turn it off, but he just couldn't sleep with that annoying click… click… click.  I woke earlier than normal, feeling warm.  I wasn't HOT, just too warm to go back to sleep and that's when I noticed the fan, slowly revolving in an easy relaxed manner.  I glanced over at my spouse, sleeping soundly, and I knew he had experienced the dreaded fan controversy.

I got up and proceeded to the kitchen to make coffee.  I was only up about 30 minutes earlier than normal, but I felt a bit denied of those precious 30 minutes.  Coffee always cheers me up, so I proceeded to get comfortable in my morning chair and visit with Jesus.  I read a passage from Romans 5. God has a subtle sense of humor some mornings and I encountered it as I read, "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation." (Romans 5:3,4 NLT) I admit a part of me wanted to roll my eyes at God and say, "seriously?"  And a part of me chuckled at the circumstance that brought me reading God's Word earlier than normal.  Being toasty while I sleep is not an earth-shattering problem.  More likely than not, the fan will circulate on a delightfully higher speed tonight without clicking.  (it doesn't seem to click for any recognizable reason…) Still, I realized God wanted to speak to my heart. 

I have a friend whose life is currently falling apart.  She's faced with circumstances that are hard to handle.  I watch and listen to her and my heart aches for the excruciating pain her soul is having to journey through.   I realized how easy it would be for me to be grumpy over not getting my chilled sleep, but she came to mind and there was no comparison.  My heart asked God how these words of  scriptural  promise would be of any hope to her because I feared they would just frustrate her.  I wondered if I would find them to be mindless platitudes if I were in her shoes.  God led me to the verse previous to the ones that had me contemplating rolling my eyes.  "Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we  confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory."  (Romans 5:2 NLT)  The Holy Spirit asked me: do you see your relationship with me as an undeserved privilege? 

Tough question.  I've believed in God, had a relationship with Him, nearly my entire life.  I grasp the concept that I'm a sinner, that I need grace, that it is only because of Jesus that I am allowed into the presence of God Almighty.  The question still hung in the air beyond what I understand to be true.  Do I see my relationship with God as an undeserved privilege, or have I become so accustomed to His grace that I take it for granted?  Have I reached the point that His grace is so common that I don’t recognize how remarkable it is?  I continued to read further into Romans 5. Verse 5 reminded me how dearly God loves me, and that His Holy Spirit fills my heart with His love.  I am loved "dearly," and my heart is "filled" with God's love.  God doesn't go half way, He is generous and abundant toward me. Verse 6 reminded me that without Jesus' saving work on the cross, I am utterly helpless. Verse 8 told me again that God stepped in on my behalf "while [I] was of no use whatever to him." (The Message)  Verse 9 declared the truth that as a believer I have been made right in God's sight.  God's question circled back around to me as my selfish instinct wanted to ask, "who said I was wrong?"  The tenth verse flat out stated I was once an enemy of God.  The self-centered voice in my head wanted to emphasize that was a long time ago.  And I began to grasp the problem that God was pointing out to me. 

I had become comfortable in my "maturity." I wasn't truly consciously and consistently aware of my desperation for God.  I knew I needed God.  I truly WANT God, and I saw myself as beyond that "sinner state."  I had somehow fallen into the trap of seeing myself as "better than" because I have grown in my faith.  Romans 3:23 came forcefully to mind: "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." 

Romans 5:1-2 in the Message says, "By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us -- set us right with him, make us fit for him -- we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus.  And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us.  We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand -- out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise."  I have it "all together with God" only because of the sacrifice, suffering and grace of my Savior Jesus Christ.  I can't keep it together on my own.  My heart needed to be reminded that I am who I am, where I am, only by the grace of God alone. 

I am grateful for God's question.  Even as I write, I am throwing open my door to Christ and discovering Him smiling at me with His door open even wider, inviting me back to the "wide open spaces" of His grace and glory.  Back where I am filled with exuberant, delighted wonder at who He is, what He has done for me, and the miracle that is my life. I am standing as tall as my 5'3" frame will allow and I'm praising the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings, Yahweh, God Almighty and Eternal.

I am privileged indeed.