Music to my Soul

I go through phases when I struggle with my worth.  It's my "Achilles heel" so to speak.  I have seasons when I move forward in great confidence and self-assurance.  My faith is strong, I'm willing to take risks, I believe in who God made me to be and the unique gifts He equipped me with.  And then I have seasons when I crumble on the inside.  I become fearful, doubting myself, doubting God's ability to use me, wondering why I am wired the way I am.

When I was younger, I would've told you that the strong seasons and the fearful seasons coincided with how much I'd been investing into my relationship with Jesus.  Generally, the fearful seasons aligned themselves with an inconsistency in time spent in God's Word, and not opening myself to conversation with the Holy Spirit in prayer. 

I have learned that particular lesson and have matured to daily time with Jesus, every day, week in and week out.  I read his Word; I love to learn at His feet. God strengthened and stretched me by encouraging a friend to challenge  me to read a book on prayer. I began to pray scripture over myself and those I bring to God's throne.  Journaling those prayers has helped me tremendously in being consistent in conversing with Christ. 

Yet a season of fear and doubt overwhelmed me.  God has been faithful to speak peace and hope to my heart.  My emotions have still trapped me on a roller-coaster ride that has taken my breath away on some days. 

Today, as I went through the process of getting ready for the day, I was listening to music. Song after song after song whispered strength and hope to my weary soul. I recognized my need and God's generous grace in the words that spoke directly to struggle.  My heart resonates with Isaiah 9:2 "The people who walk in darkness will see a great light.  For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine."  Emmanuel, God with us, has come.  He sings over me.