I want to be a winner. I remember, when I was in grade school, standing in a line and waiting to be chosen for a team. I'm not the most coordinated of people, but evidently my fun factor was top notch, so I was never one of the last chosen. I didn't rank before the "stud muffin athletes," yet I was generally selected before the mediocre athletes. There were probably several in my class who viewed me as a "winner."
I like contests, not necessarily to beat someone, but to reaffirm to my psyche that I'm okay. I'm an attention admirer, a compliment collector,a praise procurer. Plainly said: "Please say nice things about me and to me, thank you." I'm fond of games so that I can prove to myself that I'm a winner. I'm enough of a positivity-freak that I don't want to necessarily belittle those I'm competing against, but I do want to affirm "I'm a winner." Isn't it odd that we have to have an element outside of our selves tell us we are winners.
I was reading in Proverbs 27 this morning. It was encouraging me, challenging me, that is until I reached verse 21. "The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but man is tested by the praise he receives." I did a mental double-take and read it again. Say what?! Surely this can't be! I thought praise was a grand thing! That little special something something that tells me I'm doing what I should be doing. I'm on the right track. I'm using the gifts God gave me. I'm a winner!
And then it hit me: that 2x4 that God sometimes likes to toss my way. Just a few days ago, I had the privilege of using one the gifts with which God has blessed me. Let me reassure you I used it appropriately and wisely. I truly was focused on serving, helping and glorifying God while doing something that I'm especially equipped to do. It was the after-party that hinted a struggle to me. I wasn't seeking people to compliment me, and I really wasn't trying to be a glory hog. But me-thinks I liked the attention a bit too much. This morning God spoke truth into my soul.
It feels so good to be good at something. It seems so grand to be told by others that in some way you are a winner, you are successful. God and His Word reminds me that all Glory and Honor are His. I am not to be the Homage Heiress. Ephesians 1 tells me that I am to be "for the praise of His Glory." Proverbs 27:21 reminded me this morning that admiration and adulation can be an ambush that leads me down a path where the focus is on me and not on the King who is worthy. Romans 7:18 tells me that there is nothing good in me. Without Christ I am nothing, can do nothing that is truly good. He is the only good inside of me.
C.S. Lewis said, "A man whose hands are full of parcels can't receive a gift." Today I'm thankful that Christ helps me set down my pitiful parcels, so that I can receive His amazing gift of Grace and Unfailing Love. May the only Good in me, truly be seen as Jesus.
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