More than Dog Loyalty

My dog escaped this morning -- EARLY this morning.  I padded out to the kitchen around 6 am today.  As per routine, I opened the back door to let the dog do his morning business in the back yard.  I proceeded to make coffee and unload the dishwasher.  I finally poured my first cup of joe and realized my dog still hadn't returned to be allowed entrance back into the house.  So out I go, in my pj's, in the cold, onto the deck where I discover that one of the gates has been left open and my little adventurer has disappeared. 

For the next 45 minutes to an hour my husband and I search for our dog.  Not easy… it's still dark and our dog is black.  Just as we have decided to go home and hope our precious mutt returns, we see him headed our way.  My emotions were a mixture of relief and pure annoyance.  I get the dog to take him inside and my husband hurries to take his shower, eat quickly and head to work.  I finally sit down to have my quiet time, but my heart isn't really quiet.  I don't feel angry but that annoyance of spending the first hour of my day in the cold looking for my dog is lingering. 

God began to speak some truth to me.  My dog was glad to be home.  He was a bit sorry as one could tell by his tucked in tail and the fact that he kept rolling over to show me his belly.  The reality is though that if he was loosed into the back yard tomorrow and the gate was open, he would most likely go adventuring again.  My dog doesn't get true repentance, and I knew I needed to ask the tough question: do I understand true repentance or do I too often act like my dog? Do I want to be home with Jesus, and dwell where He is AND also go adventuring at times and do whatever I want.   When I ramble back home after adventuring, do I want to get by with a little tuck of my tail and a showing of my belly to prove that I am willing to submit to God's authority?

In my quiet time I read about Enoch. Enoch never died, he just got an awesome trip straight to heaven.  He literally disappeared from earth.  Enoch is decribed as a person who pleased God.  It doesn't say that Enoch did anything wildly important.  Enoch wasn't a CEO, or someone super famous. Enoch didn't invent the latest coolest gadget.  Enoch wasn't everyone's favorite teacher or coach.  Enoch was just a guy who pleased God.  Enoch didn't want to leave the yard to go adventuring; Enoch wanted to be where God was all the time.  Enoch wanted to be with God, hang out with God, talk to God, know God, and do whatever he could to make God happy.  And because of that Enoch is listed among the faithful in Hebrews 11. 

I was struck by the idea that God just wants me to be like Enoch.  He isn't asking me to do things that others will identify as impressively important. He hasn't asked me to sell everything I own and move to a country on the other side of the world.  He's asking me to be focused on Him alone. I haven't been adventuring lately, but God wants more from me than just dog loyalty.  God wants priority commitment.  God wants me to long to please Him more than anything else I do.  God wants me to live like Enoch, all for the glory of His great name.  Now that's loyalty.

Thankful Preparations

I don't normally buy this many groceries.  After all, it is just my husband and myself.  We like to eat, but really?  We are still just two people. My kids are coming home for the holiday, and they are bringing friends. I like that.  I like that my home can be a gathering place.  I like hearing the sounds of laughter and fun floating throughout the house from its various corners. 

While I was shopping and my cart gained that "overflowing" look, I admit to being a bit worried about the cost of all this "joy."  I was adding up my total cost as I went, (yes, I am one of THOSE shoppers:  I don't necessarily have to be so tight with the budget anymore, but years of it being a necessity has given me very distinct grocery shopping habits) and I was still within my budget. And yet I found myself asking questions in my head like: do I NEED another box of crackers?  Will they like this breakfast cereal?  What do my daughter's friends like to snack on?  Is this enough noodles for spaghetti? Why are gluten-free spaghetti noodles so expensive?!  How badly will my husband hurt if I use regular noodles?  Am I over thinking this?  Yes to the good bacon? Cheese sticks? Ice cream?...  I found myself becoming distracted by the process instead of focusing on what God was providing.

I have heard others say, and I have repeated it myself to others that identifying what one has to be thankful for, listing them out, helps you move from worry to peace.  My heart needs that process as I have gone to another grocery store since the pictured purchase, and I'm sure I will return to the grocery store before everyone arrives, and perhaps even while they are here!  Budget-smudget.  I'm making a list:

• There IS padding in my budget in several places.
• I get to enjoy the presence of my children, at home, for more than a night.
• I have the privilege of being a generous hostess.
• I get to make my children some of their favorite foods and enjoy spoiling them.
• I am blessed that I have the space to not only have my children home, but their friends as well.
• NONE of this is a financial burden.
• I still can afford to drink all the good coffee that I want.
• I will be paid in hugs.
• I get to bless people from my church who will join our feast.
• I am reminded how often my mom has done this for my siblings and myself, it fills my heart.
• I get to snack on things that are not normally found in our house anymore.
• There will be pumpkin bread and homemade cookies.
• I don't have to make the pies.
• I can imagine my son's pleasure because there will be gravy.
• I have the ingredients for a double batch of my daughter's favorite jello salad.
• I will get to soak in the all the idiosyncrasies of those I love the most. I can hardly wait.
• I don't regret a dime spent, even if that means no new shoes for awhile; the trade-off is  priceless.

I truly am Blessed and Grateful.  To God be the Glory.

Family Graduation

I had the privilege this week to attend a special graduation; I went to a TUMI graduation.  It was held at our local  prison, and the gentlemen graduating were all incarcerated.  I was invited to go by my friend who has been teaching the course the men were graduating from for the past four years.  TUMI stands for The Urban Ministry Institute, and it is a seminary level theological study.  The graduation program was powerful.  Fifteen men received a certificate of completion in this course which is funded and administered by Prison Fellowship.  Fifteen men studied for four years about God, His Word, His plan and purpose, discipleship and leadership.  Fifteen men who many would perceive as "less than," proved themselves to be committed to Jesus Christ and knowledgeable about His Word. 

A few of them briefly told their stories. I was struck by the idea that their stories were my stories.  Some of the details are obviously different, but the basic facts are the same.  We are sinners.  We have committed acts that make God Almighty  weep.  God, in His great mercy, sent his one and only son, Jesus Christ, to be born on earth, to experience life as we experience it, and to eventually be killed in a horrific and traumatic way, paying the consequence for the sins that I committed as well as the sins of the TUMI graduates.  The TUMI graduates and myself are now children of God -- together. We are family.  We are one.  I was overwhelmed by that truth.  Even now, it is something a bit out of my grasp as I work to wrap my mind around it.

I was also struck by their commitment to minister to those in their corner of the world.  They weren't whining and complaining about how God probably couldn't use them. Though a few mentioned the idea of someday, when they could be released, they weren't focused on a life circumstance that they weren't currently living.  They spoke of ways to interact with other inmates, creating relationships with men who come in, and how often the relationships don't last long because the men are moved on.  It didn't sound much different from my world.  I have a set group of people I tend to interact with, encounter on a regular basis.  I live in just one neighborhood and see the same people drive up and down my street, the same children walk by my house to school, the same people working in their yards during the summer, and shoveling snow in the winter.  I came face to face with the reality that I had a distinct group of people to minister to and to reach with the gospel of Jesus Christ, just like the TUMI graduates.  I don't need to wait for "someday," when my circumstance might be more appealing, or easier, or holding more free time, or more financially secure. The TUMI graduates had a willingness to study, read, stretch themselves, be tested and evaluated on their knowledge of Jesus and His Word. And they were excited and ready to apply their knowledge, their passion and their faith with whomever God sent to their "neighborhood." I could hear God's spirit challenging my heart and asking if I was as prepared and excited to reach those I encounter with the truth and love of Jesus' gospel as those amazing TUMI graduates.

I had the privilege this week of attending a special graduation.  I went without expectation of receiving and left overwhelmed by the example exemplified by those I have at times perceived that I am better than.  They humbled me, challenged me, and excited me about the opportunities God has given to me in my small corner of the world.  My heart is full as I think about my extended family that I was newly introduced to;  have 15 brothers, and I'm proud to say they all recently graduated! God is good, and I am grateful that He allows even me to be part of His glorious family.

Living in Boxes

If you were asked, "Have you ever lived in a box?" most of us would quickly answer "no!" Some of us would add in an additional you-need-to-go-to-the-Funny-Farm look. Have you ever lived, even for a day, in a small confined space? We've all been sick at some time and confined to a bed, a room or a couch. Some have spent time confined to a hospital bed. I can remember being "grounded" as a child (for something I'm sure I didn't do!) and confined indoors, no friends, no phone calls. Pure torture. At times we are boxed in by the weather, time or financial limitations. Recently I read through the Bible story when Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead and I was struck by the idea that we often live in boxes.
There is no mention of boxes, even in the Hebrew language, in Lazarus' death-to-life story. My imagination wasn't captured by Lazarus though, I was intrigued by his sisters, Mary and Martha. They are a familiar duo in church circles. Martha is the one criticized for being overly concerned about a perfect dinner party. She complains to Jesus, and attempts to manipulate him into getting more work out of her sister Mary. Mary is the sister idealized for having a "more righteous" approach to the event. She wasn't worried about meal prep, she just wanted to enjoy Jesus' company.  I have been both Martha and Mary so I get both sides of the issue.
In the story of Lazarus' death and resurrection, Martha and Mary's roles toward Jesus seem to have switched some. When word comes to the sisters that Jesus had finally come, Martha is the one who rushes to be with him, and Mary remains at home. That gave me pause.  Why wasn't Mary running to Jesus to soak up some comfort, to be blessed with some hope? And how is it that Martha was able to leave her responsibilities, and the people who had come to help her mourn?  Perhaps Martha felt a responsibility to go greet Jesus, after all he was an esteemed Rabbi to her. As I read her conversation with Jesus I saw a flicker of hope in her. She tells Jesus, "Even now I know God will give you whatever you ask." My initial thought was to get all excited and scream at her, "Do it! Ask for the big miracle!" But Martha seems to retreat into Sunday School answers. She says the "right" thing but it's as if she is unable to grasp the outlandish possibilities God always can provide. It hit me that Martha was living in a box I call "this is how God works."  I'm familiar with that box. Growing up in the church I learned an odd balance of knowing God can do the impossible and accepting God is Sovereign so He gets to choose. Both are very true, but the box I lived in for quite some time would rationalize away asking for and believing for the outrageous by saying things like "but Your will Lord." I would want to see and experience the miraculous, but I would stop short of REALLY asking and then lead myself to believe I was being "spiritually mature" about it all.  Desiring God's will is where I need to live AND I need to believe that God is a God of the impossible. There is no box of "this is how God works!" For Heaven's sake! - HE IS GOD, the I AM!
Since my mind was rolling on this whole box idea, I glanced back at Mary. Mary, sitting at home, wrapped up in her grief. I recognized myself again and I was able to identify her box. Mary lived in the box of the immediate. Mary was easily trapped in the emotion of the moment. I've lived there. My personality is wired in such a way that I have to be careful to not be trapped in that box, because God and His purposes are always greater than what is happening in the immediate moment. It's a gift to be able to experience a moment in its fullness AND one needs to be able to step out of that moment and welcome the presence of Jesus into a new, fresh, miraculous moment.
In the story, Jesus came to Bethany to raise Lazarus from the dead, to awaken him from his "sleep." And I believe he longed to awaken others as well, to free them from the boxes they were living in. I recently heard a pastor preach on this passage and he keyed in on the phrase, "Lazarus, come out." He challenged each of us to listen for Jesus' voice calling us to come out from what held us entombed. He didn't say the words that were parading through my mind - but the concept was the same: Stop living in boxes, step out into the wide world of miracles and freedom and true Living. After all, God is sovereign and He can do the impossible, every moment of every day.

Redefining Perfect

Have you ever wanted some thing , or wanted something to happen and then realized how hard it would be to accomplish it? Perhaps you entered a race, and then later realized how hard it would be to actually train. Or maybe you had a goal to lose some weight, and discovered too many cookies had you on speed dial and they kept calling you. Or maybe you wanted to earn your AA or BA, Masters or Doctorate degree but life kept interfering and you found yourself without funds, or you got sick, or someone in your family had a crisis and you needed to step in. Perhaps you've just wanted to have a day with literally nothing to do (a favorite dream of mine!) and to gain that one day seems to cost you a month of overtime and no sleep.  Sometimes I wonder why I do what I do - is it worth the cost, the time, the effort?  Sometimes I wonder if there's something better for me.

More often than not, I need to be honest with myself and admit I want life to be easier, more accomodating to me, more ideal - more "perfect."

My mailbox is currently being flooded with magazines picturing an idyllic Thanksgiving feast. My email inbox is already overflowing with Christmas gift ideas to purchase or create. Television talk shows are prepping me for holidays with amazing tips and tricks that a variety of "experts" are convinced I should implement. The picture perfect life is presented to me as possible everywhere I turn. My desk and my office, along with the laundry still in the dryer, the bathroom that needs be cleaned, and my checkbook that refuses to balance, are telling me a different story.
I have been spending some time soaking up God's Truth in Psalm 33 and I am beginning to wonder if I have the wrong image of the perfect life; the Psalmist lays out truth that tells me Christ gives a "perfect life."
1.) There is joy because of the LORD (verse 1). I know that I am loved (with an unfailing love) and that God in his great mercy has provided a way for me to have an intimate relationship with the King and Creator, God Almighty. In fact, the Lord is so amazing, and provides such joy, I should continually be coming up with new songs to praise him (verse 3)! A note in my NET Bible says, "A new song is appropriate because the LORD is constantly intervening in the lives of his people in fresh and exciting ways." What's not perfect about that? God constantly intervenes in my life so that I know joy, unfailing love, and intimacy.
2.) God is in control (verses 4-11). These verses are packed with the truth that God is the Creator and sustainer of our physical world. He literally spoke the earth into being -that's quite a bit of power and creativity! And ALL of God's Words are right, just and fair (verses 4.5). God can't go against who he is and he is ultimately faithful (verse 5); He is reliable and dependable and His plan, for this earth and all who dwell here, will happen (verse 11).  These truths really speak to the reality that my picture of perfect needs to be replaced with the fact that God Himself is the only perfection, and only He is absolutely worthwhile.
3.) God sees me and He sees You (verse 13). This is more than a "hey! I see you over there . . . way over there." The verse says God looks carefully, intently. closely. Verse 14 tells us that God watches or observes. Verse 15 says he made our hearts, therefore he understands what we do, why we make the choices we make, why I long for coffee and someone else longs for diet Pepsi (yuck). God is invested in me -I am his creation. If I were someone who designed a line of clothing, I would take extra care of what I created. I would make sure it was safe, protected, displayed so every one would see its awesomeness.  I would check seams and hems and embellishments to make sure the thread is strong and holding as it should. I would be proud of what I did. Why would I think God will be any different when it comes to me? God sees me and knows me: He knows where I will stretch and where I won't; He knows where my construction needs an extra seam; He knows where my design has flair, and what areas need to be hidden; whether I need to be buttoned up, zipped up or closed with a hidden hook and eye. God sees me for who He created me to be, I am perfect in His design,  and I can only know His perfection for me if I follow His choices, picked for me.
4.) God will demonstrate His faithfulness (verses 18-22). Sometimes God delivers and gives us the magazine-perfect picture. Sometimes God provides just what is needed to get through a rough time, like just enough food to survive a famine (verse 19). My oldest sister died of cancer more than fifteen years ago. I remember telling God as I looked at her in the casket, that he could bring her back to life, that it would be really good if she just sat up and started talking. I also remember God later speaking to my heart and saying, "is it not just as great a miracle that You and Your family are still serving and praising me, than if I had raised your sister back to life?" The famines of life are never experiences we want to repeat AND God remains faithful and perfect in the midst of them.  Through the love and mercy of Christ to me,  the pain and heartache of losing my sister taught me a perfect lesson that has sustained send encouraged me again and again and again.

Perfection isn't an ideal life.  Perfect life is found in the ideal person of Jesus. My heart has been reminded of how perfectly God intervenes on my behalf; I am composing a new song to sing, to God be all the glory.

Dot to Dot

I have always loved to color.  I'm not a "real" artist: I can't draw freehand. I do get enthusiastic about being creative. I thrive on decorating, rubber stamping, scrap-booking, occasional sewing or crafting, styling outfits, photography...  I just like playing with color.  When I was small, I liked finding dot to dot pictures in my coloring books. You know, those pictures that had just one element surrounded by a bunch of dots with numbers.  The goal was to create a finished picture by starting on the dot labeled with the number one and then connect each sequential dot with a line until the picture was complete. It was so fun to see what the picture would turn out to be.  It was as close to drawing freehand as I could get.  I enjoyed the combination of being creative and figuring out a puzzle of sorts.  I especially enjoyed the ones where you couldn't tell what the picture was until you were nearly done!  The other morning as I spent time with Jesus, he gave me a dot-to-dot adventure.

I tend to read various portions of scripture each morning.  They aren't passages necessarily designed to be read together, so often there is no obvious correlation between the different verses I read.  On this particular morning I began by reading Philippians 2:1-11. Paul is writing to the Philippians, encouraging them to be more unified.  He begins with reminding them of benefits they receive because they are believers in Jesus Christ.  He moves on to challenge them with the idea that since God is so generous to them, they need to be focused on working together to tell more people of God's goodness and plan of salvation. He clinches his argument by giving the example of Jesus, who is in fact God's son with all  power and divinity, and yet he chose to be as humble as the lowest servant and gave up his very life so that man could have a relationship with God the Father.  Paul reminds the Philippians that the goal is to have everyone acknowledge Jesus is Lord. That's a good goal, I can go with that.  
What grabbed my immediate attention though were the items Paul first mentioned in Philippians 2. Because I am a Christ follower I have been given gifts that fill color in my life: 1.) I get to be encouraged; I have encouragement always available to me because of Christ, who He is and what He's done for me; 2.) I am loved; 3.) That love provides comfort; calm, soothing, warming to my soul; 4.) I have fellowship. I have a constant companion, a sweet relationship, a friend, someone to always hangout with.  Bonus: this friend is none other than God Almighty; 5.) I have been given and continue to receive mercy.  I am accepted for who I am and I am forgiven.  Wow! That list is amazing! It's like Christmas every day!
And it does make sense that if God is going to be so generous to me, shouldn't I want to be as generous to those around me so that more could know Jesus as Lord and cash in on those same gifts? I admit that when I begin to think about what Paul admonishes in verse 3, "...each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself." my selfish inner diva takes a giant step forward in protest.  It's tough stuff having the same attitude as Jesus.
On that same morning I also read Psalm 31:1-5.  The Psalmist seems to be having a tough day, tough week, tough year in the beginning of this Psalm. He's begging God for vindication, to be rescued, delivered quickly!  He acknowledges that God is his protector, refuge and stronghold.  He trusts God with His life because God is faithful.  My initial reaction to the Psalm was a basic warm fuzzy; when I am in desperate need, God will be my safety net. God wouldn't let me stick with that.  He prompted me to take a second look and verses 3 and 4 became more  prominent.
"For you are my high ridge and my stronghold; for the sake of your own reputation you lead and guide me.  You will free me from the net they hid for me, for you are my place of refuge."
This is where God began to draw some dots and number them so that I could follow where He was leading me, and grasp the picture He was sketching. Dot #1: God gently asked me "what net are you becoming entangled in?"  I began to think about Philippians 2 and my selfish inner diva.  Dot #2: God really cut at my diva-syndrome because he pointed out that He would free me from the net, FOR THE SAKE OF HIS OWN REPUTATION. It wasn't about me. Dot #3:  My mind went back to Philippians 2 and the benefits I receive because I'm a Christ follower.  God is gracious to give me encouragement, acceptance, fellowship, comfort and forgiveness because that's who He is. He is my refuge.  Dot #4: Since Christ is freeing me, since my life is about His reputation, since God is continuously generous to me, since I claim Him as my refuge and stronghold, I am to choose to not do anything out of selfish ambition and look to the interests of others. That's who I am to be as a Christ follower.  Dot #5:  This nothing out of selfish ambition life is summed up in the phrase "Have the same attitude as Jesus."  The very life that God calls me to, is the very life He gives to me. Dot #6: I can trust God to enable and equip me because He is faithful.
My heart and mind are still striving to keep track of the dots and grasp the truth God revealed to me. As in with most dot-to-dot pictures, you end where you began.  God is faithful.  He is faithful to encourage me as I submit to being united with the very person of Jesus.  His love will comfort me when I struggle with the cost of having the same attitude as Jesus, and as I continue to commit to squashing my inner diva for the honor and glory of his reputation.  I don't have to walk this journey alone, God delights in fellowship with me.  And the truth that Jesus loves me and has forgiven me provides a firm foundation that anchors me.
I anxiously wait to see which colors God chooses to fill in the picture He is creating. The picture known as me.

In the Ebb

Life ebbs and flows. We all have good days and bad days. I have skinny days and chubby days. Some have productive days and lazy days. Others have painful days and pain-free days. It's the nature of things; it keeps the process interesting. Bad days enable us to appreciate the good days more. My chubby days teach me what is necessary to enjoy more skinny days. Lazy days recharge batteries so that productive days are even more productive. God even planned an "ebb"day, Sabbath, into the flow of a week! So why is it, when the ebb times come, do I tend to do a little whining, a bit of panicking, and a touch of moping?
I had an "ebb"moment just this morning as I sat having coffee with Jesus. We had our usual discussion over a passage of scripture, we touched on our Psalm of the week, and we read a  brief chapter together from a book our church is reading through as a congregation. Then, as is my habit, I go back over the notes I've made and listen for the Holy Spirit to help me connect the dots, emphasize a new truth, give me a nugget to focus on during the day. It's not that God was silent, He wasn't. God had revealed Himself in His Word, there were new thoughts, new ways of looking at familiar ideas. There just wasn't that rush of awe because a spiritual light bulb had been flipped on. Not even a tiny whoosh. I began to wonder: Did I come to Jesus with a bad attitude today? Am I just going through the motions? Have I allowed something in my life that has caused my passion to wane? Am I truly seeking truth, peace, joy, and God's purposes in my life?
God reassured me that I hadn't gone off the deep end. He revealed small areas that need to be tweaked so that I am more about Him than about me (a common discussion theme over coffee). He whispered these tender words to me: "Just be with me today. Just sit and enjoy these moments. There's no need for an 'a-ha' today. I want to be with you, just be with me."
Even as I write those words for this blog, the truth of that love whisper overwhelms me. God loves me so much, He gives me an "ebb day." A day to soak in again what I already know to be true. A day to step off the Crazy Train of productivity and expectations and just be: be honest with God about what's really going on with me; be real about what I need and don't need; be humble and submissive to who God is and not just what I perceive I am to do.
I wish I had the ability to describe the glory and peace that is thick in my living room. The room visually looks the same, yet every item is gently different. The pillow that says "Smile" tinkles with an angel's giggle. The pumpkin-scented candle that flickers floods the room with a unique holy aroma. The empty chair next to me is no longer empty - a tender face with twinkling eyes smiles at me with pure delight. The decor I had set out yesterday to celebrate Autumn seems to resonate with every picture and image of Fall I have ever seen. The cross-stitch on the wall of a beloved hymn bursts forth with sounds only my heart can hear. It's marvelous and miraculous. God is here,
My heart overflows with qratitude, because even in the ebb, perhaps especially in the ebb, God is present. And that's how life should flow.