Home

I can visualize it in my mind. Every picture I conjour, a memory attaches itself. The literal address isn't always the same, yet each place has the exact same name, and the same feelings flood over me.

Home.

That place that calls to us, young or old. A structure that holds a treasury of memories. For me, home has always been safe, full of love and laughter. A place where there is acceptance, a place to try new things with built in encouragers (and critics).  A place of warmth and relaxation. A place I learned responsibility, the necessity of family, respecting the rights and boundaries of others, how to fold the bottom sheet, how to torture my siblings, the wonder of reading, a multitude of ways to stretch a pound of hamburger, and the joy of exploring and learning new things. 
As I got older I was faced with the task of creating my own place that conjured up those same emotional characteristics simply described as home. My mind floods with images of the various houses my husband and I have lived in, along with snapshots of my laughing children, playing hide'n'seek, Batman birthday parties, tutu swimsuits, shadow puppets while camping, making heart shaped pizzas on valentine's day, raking leaves, Christmas morning, the smell of pumpkin bread, making tents to read in, play in, hide in -the memories roll on and on.  
The other day, when I spent time in God's Word and I struggled to apply what I read - God whispered one word to my seeking heart: Home.
I had read such a varied combination of things, one would think I could surely find some word specifically for me. I began with the story of the Samaritan woman in John 4. I wondered various things:  from "why did all the disciples go into town?" to "What was the Samaritan woman's tone when she asked 'Where do you get this living water?' Was she curious or sarcastic?"  I was grabbed by the idea of worshiping in spirit and truth and searched various translations for a deeper grasp of its meaning. I picked up several truths as I read the passage and I jotted them down. Yet nothing challenged my spirit and I moved on a bit disappointed.
I read part of Psalm 27. I leaned into the idea "... I will triumph over my enemies who surround me..." (verse 6). I processed  through the idea that the Psalmist enemies were literal physical enemies and mine tend to be concepts like bad attitudes, anger, fear, and longing to belong. I grasped at verse 8, "My heart tells me to pray to you, and I do pray to you, O Lord."
Then I read a portion of a book entitled Draw the Circle that my Church body is reading through. The author talked about stepping out in faith and acting on dreams we are praying about. "If we want to See God move, we need to make a move."
Finally, I did what I do every morning: I sift back through notes I've made to myself, I think about what I've studied and I ask God to break it down and specify "what is for me -TODAY?" My struggle to find a significant nugget of truth was intensified because God had been consistently quenching my thirst at His well, I didn't sense I was battling a war-raging enemy, and the Holy Spirit wasn't unveiling a big dream to step toward, nor reminding me of an old dream I had allowed to wither. God emphasized that I just needed to stay focused and obedient in the day-to-day routines, so I made some "good foundation notes" to myself to keep me centered in Christ.  Then I wrote down this:
"Christ surely gives me shelter- I seek the Lord's face and find 'home.' "
In an instant, I knew God had spoken what my spirit was hungering for. When I choose to spend time in God's Word, in prayer, in reading faith challenging books, in spiritual self-reflection  -regardless of any big "Ah-ha!" -  I've come home. There is comfort, acceptance, and delight. Every good thing imaginable is found in the presence of my Jesus, and my heart is flooded with images and experiences that reflect His goodness to me. Just like my family knows me too well, so does Christ- and even move so! Just like when the day is long, and I just want to get to my safe-haven and relax in my pajamas, so is it with Jesus; I can be myself, no worries about having to entertain or impress. Just like when I have exciting big news and I rush home to share my joy, Jesus delights in experiencing with me all the best life has to offer. Just like those days when its rainy or snowy outside, and I get the privilege of staying snug and warm inside, Jesus is my comfort as the tough stuff of the world and life rages. 

Lord, you have been our home since the beginning.
Psalms 90:1 NCV

Just like Dorothy said, as she clicked her fabulous red heels together, "There's no place like home."  I'm eternally grateful.

For the Wonder of it All

Let me begin by just stating that I love the word "wonder." It conjures up feelings of adventure, anticipation, excitement and delight in me. When I dwell on the word wonder all sorts of pictures flash through my mind: a child with a wad of cash in an old-fashioned candy store; one of those fancy toy stores you see in the movies; a picture of my daughter in her little tutu swimsuit when she was 2 and a half; a memory of my son sprinting down the soccer field; planning yet another camping trip with my husband; the mountains; the ocean; the sun breaking through the clouds... the list is endless.  I really believe each day is made of multiple moments of wonder if only I would just slow down enough to grasp their significance.
I recently had one of those moments when reading a familiar passage of scripture from the book of Philippians in the Bible. What signaled my "wonder antenna" was verse 10: "My aim is to know him, to experience the power of his resurrection, to share in his sufferings, and to be like him in his death." (NET)  It's been a verse I have read before but tended to slide over for various reasons. It seemed very theological, and it talks about suffering and death. The verse never struck me as being one of those "happy verses."
When the wonder of God steps in everything changes.  God revealed 4 very wondrous concepts in this one verse.
First, God has given me something to aim for, and its not overwhelming! The goal, the center mark, the place to aim is to get to know Christ! Say what?! That's it? I don't have to leap tall buildings, evangelize everyone in my neighborhood, and memorize the entire New Testament? Admittedly, as I get to know Jesus more and more He may challenge me to do one of those. And if he does, I will be at a point of knowing Him close enough that I'll be ready. I just need to make sure I'm invested and intentional about knowing Christ. Wonderful simplicity.
Secondly, as I am aiming to know Christ, I am privileged to experience the same power that raised a dead Jesus back to life. Talk about a bit of wonder! Death seems to be a pretty deep dark pit. Our everyday assumption is that when someone or something dies, it's all over, there's no going back. The wonder is that Christ has death-defying power and he is never limited by what our minds describe as final. I am amazed that God is SO powerful! That power is FOR me, and that brings me amazing reassurance that there is no depth He can't rescue me from. Wonderous magnificence.
Thirdly, as I continue to aim to know Christ completely I get to "share in his sufferings." Can I get a "whoop! whoop!" and a "Hallelujah!"  I know it doesn't sound like something to marvel over, and maybe this phrase has always been the sticky point that has led me to do some serious skimming onto something more palatable. God, in His gracious mercy, is helping me to better grasp why this really is something to be in Wonder about. In my simple mind, I share in Christ's sufferings when I am so committed to God's purpose and will that I begin living outside "my box." I begin to act in ways beyond what I perceive are my physical limitations; no more excuses like 'I don't know how to do that," or "I'm too tired," or "I'm too young or too old." I set aside my fears, my own agenda and my assumed list of skills and gifting to the point of truly risking ridicule, isolation and rejection. My focus is not on suffering but fulfilling God's purpose, conquering the mountain, scaling the wall! There is something thrilling about being a part of something so big, so eternal that one can't help but wonder at being allowed to participate. And the wonder doesn't stop there! The phrase is SHARE in Christ's suffering. There is wonder on top of wonder! There is no pain, no emotional carnage that God isn't in the middle of it with me. He journeys with me, He fills in the gaps, He is my friend when all others have deserted me, He is the wisdom and answer to all the unknowns I encounter. He is.  Wonderland of Relationship.
Lastly, as my aim to know Christ completely deepens, I am blessed to be like him in his death. I  have realized that, in the past, I would end the thought at 'be like him," with a very large, emphatically placed period. The fact that Jesus went all the way to death is crucial to my salvation. Even though Jesus would have humanly preferred a different avenue, God directed that this was the way to go, and Jesus chose to obediently walk the road laid before him. If I am to know Christ completely, I too must choose absolute obedience. Here's the Wonder: what I often perceive to be the death or end of something may be God's ultimate plan. The ending, the death, in God's over all view, has a miraculous purpose that is beyond my comprehension. And with Christ, where there is death, resurrection always follows. Marveling wrapped in Wondering Amazement.

Praise the Lord God, the God of Israel, who alone does such wonderful things. Praise his glorious name forever! Let the whole earth be filled with his glory. Amen and amen!
Psalms 72:18‭-‬19 NLT

I Need New Crayons

It's "new crayon box" time of year!  It's that season when you feel the need to buy pencils (#2 and colored), spiral notebooks, fresh unbroken crayons (in a crisp box with a built-in sharpener), highlighters and a 'first day' outfit. Even though I am long passed being considered "school-age" those crayon boxes call my name when I enter my local discount store. I still think fresh pages in a pristeen spiral notebook are exciting. And even though I have no first-day to celebrate, I want to purchase a complete new outfit to wear somewhere -anywhere! Ahh, the beginning of a new school year!
I recently read Psalm 25 in The Message, and verse 4 reads like this: "Show me how You work, God; school me in your ways." That word school grabbed my attention. Maybe it's because I'm still pining for a new box of crayons. More likely, God's Holy Spirit was speaking. I began to brainstorm concepts I connected with school:
* learning     * listening     * writing out new ideas     * practice
* brainstorming connections    * synthesizing     *homework     *tests
* new ideas     * reformulated ideas     * recess     * lunch
Let me be honest: I love new crayons, but the idea of going to school doesn't get me all revved up with excitement. There is RISK in going to school! There are subjects that are just way beyond me. There is an expectation to sit still, be quiet, share, speak kindly, take turns, and allow some other person to be in control. Add to that the facts that I will be stretched, challenged, told I'm wrong, corrected, tested, made to try again...and again... and again...  Seriously? Why would I want to do that just for a new outfit and new crayons?
And yet I NEED to go to school. I need to discover more of how God works and what this God-life is really all about. Thankfully, God doesn't force me to squeeze into one of those little first-grader desks. He does expect me to come to "school" -every day; to read His appointed textbook-The Bible; to enter into discussion-pray; to accept the truth that I will be expected to practice, do my homework, be tested, identify where I'm not very skilled, practice more, accept tutoring - to be "schooled in God's way."
The rest of Psalm 25 offers hope and encouragement in my schooling. Verse 5 reminds me that I can trust God as my teacher. He IS the one who delivers me. lt's so much easier to give control over to someone who has already proven He is on my side and will be willing to rescue me when it's all just too hard or overwhelming. Verse 8 softens the whole concept by clarifying that my teacher is both kind AND fair. We've all had a teacher that was a favorite. Picture him or her, than multiply what made him or her so amazing by a million - yup, that's Jesus.
God does expect certain behaviors from me to succeed in school. Verses 9 and 10 specify that I am to be humble and obedient. I need to realize I don't know the answers; I am the learner and I am to follow instructions. God is such an amazing instructor that from the very beginning, the benefits and outcomes of my compliance are clearly stated in verses 12-14: he will show me how to do what I need to do (translate clear instructions, pictures to help with understanding, step by step clues to success); I will know his favor (translate: earn an A+, get a cool sticker, earn the classroom party); He will give guidance (translate: extra help, personal tutor, proven tricks to succeed).
I may not be thrilled with the idea of school, and yet I'm drawn to the teacher I've been given. He seems so cool, and I think He'll make learning fun. I think I'm getting excited! I'm going to learn how God works! He's going to teach, show, explain and demonstrate how to live His way! Whoop, Whoop- school sounds GREAT! Now if you'll excuse me please, I need to go purchase new crayons.

Are you comfy?

We live in a culture of comfort.  We can buy couches that recline and have cup holders; women live in yoga pants; new cars come with seat warmers that can be programmed for different users; malls have chairs that give you massages; airports have conveyor belts for travelers so one doesn't actually have to walk; we eat fast food, own Kuerigs, and use auto bill pay.  Don't get me wrong: I love my comfort!  Yoga pants are the bomb, I love fast food fries, and auto bill pay is so convenient!  I often make decisions based on what is going to be the easiest, or most convenient, way of doing something. The hard part is when we allow comfort to dictate what we pray.  I have prayed for protection; to achieve a goal; to win a prize; to be safe; to get an answer sooner; and for everything to fall into  place.  None  of those things are bad to pray for in and of themselves.  God really does want me to bring all my concerns, worries, needs, hopes  and dreams to Him.  God cares about all  the little details of my life -- honestly, He really does.  

And I need to be more concerned with pleasing God, then making my life easier or more comfortable.

I have been reading in the book  of Colossians.  The other day, chapter 4, verse 3, really popped out to me. "At the same time pray for us too, that God may open a door for the message so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains." Really? If I were imprisoned, I'd be begging others to pray that I would soon be free!  I'd be asking that the guards are nice to me. I'd be pleading for ice cream to help me from being depressed -- yup, I'm that girl! I'm sure the people of Colosse where praying for Paul's safety and release, but that's not what Paul asked them to pray.  Paul was more concerned with sharing Jesus than having a comfortable life. "...pray...that God may open a door for the message..." Paul didn't want his circumstance to dictate what he was about. Paul was focused on being about Jesus Christ.  He wasn't going to allow his status of being in chains to distract him from his goal, nor defeat him from continuing forward in some form.  

This verse challenges me in my I-need-another-cup-of-coffee mindset. I can create all sorts of lame excuses for not doing what God is asking me: I'm tired; I have too many other things going on; I'm out of my routine; I'm sick; I need some "me time"; it's too hard; I'm not very good at that.... the list is pretty extensive.  It's been a couple of weeks since I've written in this blog and my reasons for not being disciplined are just not that valid. I don't blog to make myself feel better.  I am blogging because God told me to write.  So I'm asking myself: when my world is turned upside down, or at least a little whopper-jawed, am I still willing to follow through with what Christ has commissioned me to do? Honestly?  I'm not always proud of my answer.  

I am grateful that God is forgiving and patient.  I am encouraged by verses like Colossians 3:1 that states, "Therefore, if you have been raised with Christ, KEEP SEEKING the things above..."  God is gracious and understanding.  He doesn't expect me to get it all right the very first time.  I am thankful that he allows me to keep seeking.  I keep seeking God's wisdom.  I keep seeking Christ's empowering.  I keep seeking righteousness, peace, and understanding God's will.  I keep seeking to lay myself aside, to lose my focus on comfort, and serve where and how Jesus calls me.  

"At the same time pray for [me] too, that God may [continue to prompt me to write about] the message so that [I] my proclaim the mystery of Christ..."  

May Christ find me faithful.

No Fear.

I'm afraid of spiders.  I'm also afraid of swinging bridges, the big drops on roller coasters, wearing a bikini, selling things door to door, and snakes. Definitely snakes.  I'm not afraid of speaking in public, going to a new city, or bears in the woods, but that last one is probably because I've never encountered a bear in the woods.  When my children were little, we went to Yellowstone and I was very afraid my young adventurous son would fall into a hot springs. When he was much older we vacationed at Bryce Canyon in Southern Utah.  That sweet lad, knowing I had this tremor of fear where he was concerned, would go to every look-out point and hang over the railing.  I had to turn away --  Every. Single. Time.
I don't generally  qualify myself as fearful.  I'm usually blissfully unaware and happy to stay in my peaceful little perception of things.  It just makes life simpler, easier.  Recently though I've become more aware of my tremblings that hide deep beneath my surface.  It all began with a nasty black ice experience.  I was fine during and immediately following the actual accident. Getting back into the car and driving long distances didn't send me into a fearful state.  Driving through questionable weather conditions gave me some concern, but driving with more caution then my typical pedal to the metal style alleviated my dilemma.  When my husband had to drive through questionable weather conditions, and I was home alone -- that's when those tremblings surfaced and I came face to face with fear.  I realized on that particular afternoon that I was afraid of what my life would be like if he was all of a sudden gone.  I was afraid of what my life would be like if my husband became different then how I knew him; if he was changed physically, mentally or emotionally.   I realized I was afraid of having to bear the majority of the responsibility, of being the one to make decisions -- of being alone.
I have read those verses that say "don't be afraid."  They have made sense to me in a totally intellectual sort of way.  They have never been verses I tended to memorize or write on 3x5 cards to place where I will always see.  I haven't felt as if I had a fear problem.  I love how faithful God is, because just as I began to see the level of fear I was denying in myself, God was revealing truth from His Word.
I had been reading in Ephesians and I was spending time in Ephesians 6 where Paul talks about the Armour of God.  The New Century Version for verse 15 reads like this:  "On your feet wear the good news of peace to help you stand strong."  It's not one of those "do not be afraid" verses but God reminded me of a couple of things.
First of all, the Holy Spirit reminded me that God's good news of peace is to be foundational to my every day life. The truth that God sent His Son to pay the penalty for my sin brings me to a position of peace with God.  I can have a relationship with the Creator and controller of the Universe. This fact alone, that I've got a Really Big God on my side, every single day, should emblazon me to live life on the edge!  I am guaranteed eternal life! I am promised provision, wisdom, righteousness and unconditional love!
Secondly this peace is to help me stand strong.  God's peace is stabilizing -- just like the hiking boots I purchased after a bad sprained ankle.  God's peace strengthens where I am weak and enables me to go where I need to go. Regardless of where I walk, no matter the circumstances I may journey through, the truth that God will go to great lengths to give me peace instills within me confidence and assurance that this all powerful, all seeing, all knowing God is in control and on my side.  God always wins and I'm wearing his hiking boots.
I was discussing this idea of God meeting me in my fear with a friend today at lunch.  I told her that I was learning that regardless of what may happen in life, I was choosing to believe God is good, even in the face of fear.  She wisely said, "and that whatever He chooses is good."  She is right.  God may choose to allow me to journey through circumstances that I wouldn't label as good.  And yet, God IS good, and He always has a plan that is for my best. If life was always perfect, we wouldn't need armor, now would we?  1 John 4:18 says, "...perfect love drives out fear..."  God loves me perfectly. I can trust Him and His goodness.  I just need to put on my holy hiking boots and allow His peace to stabilize me.  No fear.  Just Jesus.

Light Bulb

  

I love the movie Despicable Me, and even Despicable Me 2!  I am charmed and entertained when I watch it, and periodically, I discover myself in the midst of all the shenanigans.  This morning I had a "Dru moment."  No, I didn't begin an evil  plot, nor did I, sadly, discover minions to do my bidding.  Periodically, in either movie, Dru has that ideal thought that puts things in place for him, and he says, "light bulb!"  I had a light bulb moment this morning.  Thoughts, concepts, ideas and truths merged for me as I spent time in God's Word.  I was reading 1 John 4 and God's precious Holy Spirit flipped a switch for me!

Guard rails

I have come to a deep appreciation  for guard rails.  They aren't very attractive mind you, and at times I wonder why they are there in a particular spot.  I am stating here and now though, my total, complete and committed vote for guard rails.  I have also become a fan of Fish and Game officers.  I know, an odd combination: guard rails and Fish and Game guys, and yet, they will forever be tied together in my memory.

My husband and I had traveled to visit our daughter and bonus-son for the time between Christmas and New Years.  We attended church on Sunday morning and then crawled into our truck for the 6 hour drive home.  We made it about 2 hours and then decided to take a detour on the black ice adventure route.  As the truck began to spin, I remember my husband say, "hold on!" Round and round is not much fun unless you are in teacups at Disneyland.  We hit the guard rail solid and flat on my side, bounced off and then went round again to hit on his side and then stopped.  We were right next to the guard rail, on the shoulder, but facing the wrong  way.  Without the guard rail, we'd have gone down a steep embankment, possibly rolling the vehicle.  Love those guard rails.

Have you ever really looked at a guard rail?  Those posts appear to be 4x4, with a 4x4 piece attached that the guard rail is attached to as well. The screw ends are LARGE, so I'm assuming the screw itself goes through the metal and both pieces of wood.  I call that a serious screw.  The posts are not spaced haphazardly.  They give the metal rail strong stability, without it being a cement wall.  They aren't Princess Pretty, but oh are they powerfully practical and providentially prodigious.

The first officer on the scene was a Fish and Game officer.  The highways were bad and when the highway patrol and sheriff's office gets overwhelmed, the Fish and Game department helps out.  He couldn't fix our car, he couldn't tell us if we were going to get a ticket or not, nor could he tell us how long we would wait to be rescued.  He was so very kind and understanding.  He came to make sure we were okay.  Just as I am a bit amazed by my guard rail fascination, I am also struck by how overwhelmed I become when thinking of the Fish and Game guy and how incredibly nice and kind he was.

There's so many little things that happened over the next 24-48 hours.  But the guard rail and the Fish and Game officer resonate with me over and over. God allowed the truck to spin.  Life is like that. Sometimes things just get out of control, and we get to go along for the ride.  Then God places a guard rail and circumstances come to a complete halt.  It's jolting and scary, AND also wondrous and comforting.  At one point, as we waited for help, I looked at my husband and said, "my pastor would say, 'God isn't surprised by this.'" My husband, the pastor, smiled at me, because we knew it to be true.  Even as we wait to hear the insurance company's decree on our vehicle, we know God sees us, and is not surprised by anything that seems to still be spinning.  Guard rails now remind me that God is good even when it's hard, and that He is always big enough to handle whatever seems out of control from my perspective.  The Fish and Game officer reminded me how just a little bit of kindness goes such a very long way.  I don't know anything about fish or game, but I do understand kindness.  And on that afternoon, that gentleman was Jesus to us in the most simplistic way.  I can do that.  I can be kind, even if I really can't change a circumstance or offer any substantial assistance. Kindness can often be just what is needed.

Wet roads currently make me extremely cautious. I often feel like I'm going to burst into tears.  I don't like letting my husband out of sight for a long period of time.  And I know the presence and peace of God Almighty. Sometimes God comes disguised as a guard rail or a Fish and Game officer. I'm good with that.